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it's hot. also i'm growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i'm excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?
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I had to find a new roommate this spring because my old one moved in with his gf. I thought it would be cool to live with another trans women. It was going to be a good friend, but then she backed out last minute and I went with a stranger. It went well for a while tho, we were friends and would do stuff together, and she was clean and stuff.
But recently, she began trying to touch me. Like sayiyshe was anxious and wanted a hug, leaving me no space when we were on the couch, weirdly putting her head on me. Then she straight up asked me out on a date.
Now besides the obvious issues with dating a roommate, I am not even slightly attracted to her. I don't think we have that sort of connection at all, whatsoever. I guess normally that would be fine, like if someone asks me out but im not interested, I just politely decline. But for some reason, this whole thing has really bothered me.
Part of it is because she's my roommate, so it's awkward. But idk I've also spent a bunch of time helping her with stuff, like getting her on a better HRT regimen, or recommending a place to get her hair cut, or shopping together. I felt happy to do those things because I love helping out other trans women. But idk, now I just feel used I guess. I find myself feeling really annoyed when I see her, and I barely want to talk. I have no idea how to make things right, cause the last four days it has been very awkward.
I wish it was easier to make trans friends in general without there having to be gay drama involved. A good platonic friend seems to me to be worth so much more than another confusing situationship. It's often so hypersexual when I meet other trans girls. Like I wanna hang out and do normal woman stuff, and instead I get invited to the Discord with the NSFW channel, and I'm forced to learn everyone's kinks, and if they hang out it's to try and get in my pants.
It makes me want to only befriend straight girls, but the worst part is that im not even straight. Maybe I just hate myself? Idk I would still never ask out my roommate.
Being LGBT is so confusing because we dont have any of the nice relationship stuff handed down to us anymore, its all in the air. One would think being polite and some common sense might preclude one from asking out a roommate - but roommates to lovers is a thing that sometimes happens. Its all in the air, especially a freshly cracked trans girl just starting out. I bet there's some crossed wires with specifically your roommate between platonic love and romantic love and the love we show the trans sisterhood in general, and hopefully she'll get a handle on it as hormones settle (dont discount the horniness of second puberty and the power of a crush towards someone who is nice and frankly life saving to them, I get it as a nurse too)
We so often had to repress and feel ashamed about gender feelings along with however much dealing with romantic feelings as an egg was. Its easy when its been repressed for a couple decades at least for it to come out way strong.
You didnt do anything wrong, she shot her shot and hopefully didnt let the hinting phase get too awkward. Embarassing lesson, but ideally the both of you can come back from this and settle in to just roommates. If not, you or her might have to figure out alternate housing arrangements (especially if she cant let it go). Im surprised you feel used - I think you should interrogate that and think about it, you've extended help with gender stuff like HRT and fashion, youre roommates, and you seem to have done that on your own. Why feel used when she asked you out? Im sure she would've needed the help if she was straight and not interested in you. I can appreciate you feeling used when she touched you, hopefully you shut that down then or will going forwards with others - and hopefully she learns to start asking for consent, although I know it feels weird and unusual
Imagine if my roommate was a man and you wrote that....
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