Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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Lmao, did I write this 7 months ago?
idk if this makes you feel any better but your emotions are extremely common in what a lot of very fresh trans women go through. A lot of what you wrote did pretty closely match my emotional state back when I realized like... eight months ago now. What you're going through now, many many trans women before you have also gone through. It's kind of just the learning curve you go through
I won't go into the details of AGP and dysphoria because other commenters have already said everything there I would have said, but I will repeat that especially for someone early, early into your transition like you are, it's very common to say "oh I'm not dysphoric" and to have that pretty quickly change once you realize that no, you have a lot of dysphoria, but it's like water to a fish to you and you've never been able to notice without the proper words to describe them
As far as your family and your current state of residence? Yeah, that's going to be some big obstacles in your transition, but I'd highly recommend staying with us here on Hexbear to get you through it. An internet community like this is going to be a lifeline in the dark