this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse
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There's a little undercurrent here of "Toughen up, men" you obviously misinterpreted this and you're a little baby for being upset. Sorry, but that's the same toxic masculinity bullshit that everyone decries in the abstract.
I mean it's pretty much the cycle whenever men have legitimate issues about something in the cisgender heterosexual dynamic. (So glad I'm not a part of that). From my observations, it starts like this:
1- Someone asks men why they don't do X thing or why they think in a Y way. (In this case thinking that such a compliment is backhanded and insulting)
2- Men answer why. (Explaining why they view it this way)
3- Some women who don't like the answers, proceed to shame and try convincing the men into believing they're the ones wrong, or acknowledge that it's a legitimate issue but deflect the blame by saying "not all people do this".
4- Guys see no reason to do or think any different than before and their beliefs are often reinforced. (Gender polarisation increases between men and women).
5- Go back to number 1 and start over.
It's literally the same cycle over and over.
Yeah as a (mostly) het man this is a toxic dynamic I've encountered. I had one partner straight up say to me (paraphrasing a bit) "well I experience emotions more intensely than you so you have more a responsibility to be sensitive to me than I to you".
I think that’s a really bad faith interpretation of his comment
I this his comment is a bad faith interpretation of why this sort of thing makes women angry.
Fuck yeah, it's so awesome that I'm "some women" now.
this is an exceptionally bad faith interpretation of their comment and you know it
Yeah, it’s easy to feel like the answer is to toughen up when that’s historically been the answer to everything. I fully believe that deconstructing patriarchal masculinity happens through healing of the emotional wounds that patriarchy inflicts on us through understanding and kindness. I also believe that everyone deserves to have their feelings validated. I don’t know if this space is the ideal place for all of that to happen, but if people are trying to use it that way I’m happy to participate.
I want to clarify that I'm not like super offended by the comment itself. Even though it can be interpreted as rude, it clearly wasn't intended to be an insult, and I'm abso-fucking-lutely not interested in analyzing a relationship from a handful of sentences. It's moreso the idea that the guy is wrong for being upset by it.