this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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Inspired by this dorky exchange I had, thank u BountifulEggnog.

I want to know what your gender means to you, how you define it, what it means for you to "be" that gender and how you define it. Don't fuss about 'correct definitions' or anything, this is about your experience, I want to know what it means to you. How you relate to that gender, perceive it.

Genders have a social construction aspect and is very subjective, so I think people's subjective, personal views of their own are both important and interesting. Inquiring mind wants to know! interviewer

I'll share some of mine I guess.I was a trans woman until the contradictions sharpened to a razor's edge after reading Gender Outlaw and The Gender Accelerationist Manifesto. My brain got cracked in half. I have always hated the effects testosterone would have on my body, so estrogen was a given, but while I do identify with certain things that are commonly associated with being a woman... if nothing is inherently gendered, what even is a gender? niko-concern I had a whole little episode about it in the megathread once.

As I went on from there, I realised that while I like certain things about "being a woman", equally I found I'd been sort of stifled by trying to fit into the social role. The women I have always related to most are the cis autistic women who basically yeet presentation in favour of dressing for sensory comfort. Almost kinda non binary, in a way... The more I interrogated binary gender in relation to myself, the more I dug up stuff like this. Also I didn't really like that "woman" is associated with cis people a lot, I really like the trans part of my identity, feel a lot of love for it. I've felt freer and mentally clearer and truer to myself as a Non Binary Transfem, it's cool and funny. What does it mean to me? It represents my goofy sometimes-androgynous presentation, my lack of cissie gender, how being neurodiverse influences my view, being a funny noody goblin. Share yours =)

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I try my best to delineate that I am not transfem and cannot speak to that experience, while also not incorrectly gendering myself as transmasc. (I hope I’m doing an okay job of that? Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing that poorly.)

I don't think I noticed you avoid using "transmasc" label. I sorta assumed you were, but I think I treat the label as basically a shorter version of "CAFAB trans person" (and "transfem" as a shorter version of "CAMAB trans person")

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Honestly I really don't mind if I get viewed as transmasc, I think my not using it is mostly an internal thing. If someone else were to describe me as transmasc I would be fine with it, and like you I sometimes use it as shorthand to describe my being a CAFAB trans person when I'm pressed for time and don't want to get into all the ins and outs of my gender experience (like, when I don't want to write a whole essay like I did here.) "Trans man" does feel very wrong though, that feels like misgendering while "transmasc" does not.

Usually if asked I will just say I'm "trans", I like that label on its own, short and sweet. I also fuck with "trans guy", wherein guy represents some nebulous masc-ish neutral-ish weird thing (an extremely subjective personal experience with the word which I do not expect other people to share). Other labels I will use are "genderqueer" and "nonbinary". I don't usually say I'm transmasc, but as I said I don't mind if other people describe me with the label. Idk if that's weird? Labels are very strange creatures to me, I do not pretend to understand them. I also feel like it's very possible that I may start using the transmasc label more in the future; it's honestly something that I waffle on a lot.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Idk if that’s weird?

Doesn't seem weird to me. I use to be in the same boat. Trans, NB, agender, genderqueer were all good, transfem was a label I thought technically correct but not a fan of using it for myself, and trans woman was a no. Transfem has since grown on me, if for no other reason than no longer feeling like I need to explain my complicated relationship with the label and to avoid calling myself "AMAB" all the time to avoid using that label.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I have the same feelings with identifying as transfeminine vs trans woman. Transfeminine feels inclusive and closer to right and trans woman mostly feels alienating, and with expectations of cis womanhood that I do not particularly align with. down with cis