site's back, time to party 
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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sadposting
fuuuuuuuck i’m listening to a trans youtuber describe how hrt helped her become mentally stable and saved my life and i almost want to cry. i need hrt badly holy shit it’s been four years since realizing i was trans and those four years have been nothing but a downward spiral for me mental-health wise. i don’t have a lot of angst around being trans, but my brain chemistry is so off. it’s always been off but these days it’s off to the point of complete dysfunctionality. if hrt can turn that around even a little bit i don’t even know what i’ll do.I found it helped me finally feel like I was going in the right direction.
I have lots of regret knowing for such a long time I was trans but taking so long to transition. Plus all the time with knowing but not doing much to help myself etc.
It can be difficult even now after almost a decade transitioned.
I did find myself having more inward growth as in understanding more about myself from being around trans people and trans spaces and finally finding places where I can relate to some peoples experiences too.
I still feel alienated in some regards too but I know my experience hasn't been exactly a happy, easy nor a typically normal one either.
It certainly isn't easy, I hope you find some happiness at some point.
Hrt made me a lot more stable and generally happier, I was way worse than this before lol
fear of bullies, trauma, and SI
Being afraid of going on HRT I think is one reason I stayed an egg so long. I mean, I always wanted my own boobs to play with. But, I was scared of getting attacked for it, or shunned for it by friends and family.
I'm out now, way out. And fully out to myself for only a month. Really looking forward to HRT because I get a lot of looks dressing fem but still having a lot of masculine features. I'm also over testosterone as far as how it affects my mind (very aggressive hormone for me and often overwhelming due to poor male role models and trauma).
But, just over a month ago, before the egg cracked, I wanted to kill myself. Today I feel joyful most days. And I've found a lot of support from a lot of people. The haters seem to mostly stay quite so far. Thankfully, I live in a queer friendly city.
Anything gender-affirming can help though, voice training, wearing nice skirts, calling myself by my preferred name and pronouns in my head or out loud, all of these things help my mental health. And they're all things I'm leaning on to stay in my joy while I wait for my appointment.