site's back, time to party 
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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anxiety and bad mental health stuff
I seriously wish I had a different brain because mine is completely dysfunctional. I don't even aspire to not be mentally ill anymore, I honestly just aspire to be mentally ill in a way that lets me still be a functioning person. I get horrible anxiety from completely innocuous things like checking/answering messages, filling out forms, looking at social media (other than the hexbear trans mega), and doing literally anything that requires a modicum of executive functioning. It's not anxiety I can exactly push through either, it's so bad it makes me feel really shaky and ill when I have to do any of it and can send me into multi-day panic spirals. And all of it is stuff I need to do in order to yknow, exist in modern society.The cocktail in my brain of autism + adhd + ocd + trauma + depression + garden variety anxiety is brutal.
spoiler
I think this is a more common sentiment than you might think. A lot of us come to accept ourselves and how our brains work, but we wish we could live in a more accommodating society
Society please just guarantee the basics
spoiler
Yeah, seems likely. I know that I'm never going to have a "neurotypical" brain, whatever that is. Still, I hope that someday I can at least get past the threshold of "modern communication causes my brain to shut off and stop working", haha.