119
wait.. masturbation consultant. How do you apply for that job and how do I fill in my immigration card when I travel, if I'm successful in my application? "professional wanker" ?
"And can you explain this blank spot in your resume?"
"Oh yeah, that was back in 2006 when I was... uh, I was in prison. Yeah, that sounds good."
And can you explain this blank spot in your resume
oh sorry, that's semen.
"And how can you explain this other spot on your résumé?"
Oh I remember you! You were really good!... In prison.
"...research project run by Joi AI, which is promoting a daily guided “jerk off with purpose” masturbation tool combining “sound [and] ritual” as part of its professed goal to “solve male loneliness.”"
"...The website costs a minimum of $3.99 a month to access, but users are likely to spend far more on the platform, with 10,000 “Joi neuron” coins costing $99.99 and private videos from companions costing 1,000 neurons."
Innovation 👏😌
"We're going to bait men in to a subscription service they'll feel emotionally attached to that they will never tell another living soul about. This will solve male loneliness. We would certainly never manipulate these same men for nefarious reasons"
It literally costs neurons... Wow
Well, of course it does, but how much do you have to pay?
So it's like a mix of a porn paysite and spirituality?
And AI because it’s 2026
The article is quite a rollercoaster of not being sure whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry about what things have become.
But the craziest part comes right at the beginning- that it might be the cure to male loneliness. Yup, removing the human connection from sex will definitely solve a loneliness problem...
In fairness, heroin does relieve the symptoms of heroin withdrawal.
Right cause men can't masturbate already on their own. ...
If only they could. Then they wouldnt be lonely.
Maybe if something could meet these dudes that are having problems need to "get laid" they could focus on just talking to women without trying to fuck them as soon as one gives them the time of day.
You know what masturbation has been missing?
Micro transactions...
Some of the companions were “quite pushy and extroverted,” whereas others were more reserved and required a degree of courtship before the relationship became sexual—even soliciting gifts like handbags and lipstick, which cost up to $5 in the platform’s internal currency.
They're not studying wellness, they're seeing if idiots will treat chatbots like they onlyfans models.
"our AI detected you are about to orgasm, but unfortunately you are out of CumCoins and hence vibration was disabled. Pay 5€ now to reenable vibration"
People who give onlyfans models money are sad enough but when you’re giving it to ai we might as well pack up and give up as a species.
"I love you [Phillip J Fry]"
Would you like to take a moment to register me?
Ok so the "Vape's were designed to get you accustomed to sucking robot dick" people just got more validated, cool cool cool cool cool.
As a professional wanker, I'm disappointed that my recruiting email must have gotten caught in a spam filter.
What do you do?
I'm a consultant.
That's gonna make the psychosis problem worse
I got distracted by the GreenDay video and didn't care to read the article
Cuz I'm fucking lazy!
this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2026
119 points (98.4% liked)
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