When my joints don't protest too much, absolutely. Even just a 20 minute walk can really make a difference and slow me down enough to sit still/lay down to sleep.
Quickly, we must group hug the owl to keep them from shaking apart!
That's wonderful news!
That's actually decent news about the MP response! I really hope it pans out, that would be wonderful to have that actually addressed. Fingers crossed that your results come back soon, and you can get some answers.
Thank you for your response, I learned a couple of things just from you sharing and I appreciate it! A lot of what you said really resonates with a lot of my own experiences.
just continuing the convo, sharing a little about myself
I think I have a tendency to just withdraw socially in reaction to stress so as to avoid future situations entirely
I tend to do this as well, but moreso once burnout really started to catch up to me several years ago. I didn't even know it was burnout until reading Dr. Price's book and getting diagnosed. It's helped me kind of re-frame a lot of the internalized ableism I'd been carrying around, as well as help me understand a lot about what defines the disorder and how to better adapt to a neurotypical world. If you do get around to reading it I hope it proves beneficial.
it's kind of impossible to explain to someone what it feels like to be a child with sensory overload and have clothing 'hurt' you to the point that you refuse to wear it
I feel this in my soul, comrade. Sensory overload can be so hard to communicate and navigate. I've found that scents, foods, sounds, etc. can cause extreme dysfunction for me if I'm not careful.
I don't know that context to the specific scenario is helpful.
My apologies, I was definitely trying to keep it as broad as possible without making too many assumptions, so I appreciate your explanation.
It's sort of an inescapable and ever present anguish that is constantly fed, plus the vystopia
Thank you for sharing this, I wasn't familiar with ODD but I can empathize with a lot of what you shared.
I'm vegan! You taught me a new word, and I have felt this more and more recently the older I get. When I originally made the changes because of health issues, I ended up learning a lot about cooking, the horrors of where our food comes from, and that a lot of my food sensitivities were actually stemming from dairy and meat intolerance. My slop comment was a little harsh. I think I was trying to express my opinion that a lot of people aren't in a place where change is always viable, since we are still subject to a very dystopian capitalist nightmare that we grow accustomed or adjusted to whether we're trying to or not. Like with veganism, I try to remind myself not everyone has the privilege of food security or housing that allows for ingredients or tools to prepare certain foods. I don't disagree with you at all, in fact I relate to a lot of what you shared about feeling surrounded by the constant reminders of everything wrong with the world. It can get exhausting, especially when big emotions and feeling a sense of justice is so common to those on the spectrum. I can't remember where I read it, but I've seen references to people with ASD often displaying a very strong sense of morality with the added benefit of not being swept up into social norms, and that it can cause additional stress if we don't find outlets and means of regulating around it. Organizing seems like a great way to address those feelings though! That and finding others to share experiences with.
on the relationship part
It sounds like you've been fair and considerate to your needs as well as those you were interacting with, which is really all you can do, right? I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting something different, or something more from relationships. It's awesome you have a supportive partner, too. Sometimes one person can really make the difference. You deserve a safe space to express yourself and be treated fairly, I hope we can continue to provide that here.
Welcome in! I'm gonna try and respond as best I can, please let me know if at any point I'm unclear or come off in a negative way.
On resisting identifying as Neurodivergent
I'll start by sharing that I have told two people outside of Hexbear that I got diagnosed as AuDHD last year, and that I have a fair bit of anxiety when thinking about sharing it openly with everyone I know or may meet. That anxiety comes from the stigma of being labeled and 'othered', which I think a lot of folks here can probably relate to. With the political climate in the US, where I'm at, autism has become increasingly more difficult to speak on because of the misinformation being spread and the anti-science talking points that are pervasive within the general populace and the current administration. One of my favorite websites right now is stimpunks, which I've posted about before in the neurodiverse comm. I think a lot of us were taught to mask and hide our differences growing up because the world has told us our natural behaviors are wrong and meant to be corrected, leaving us resistant to the very things that make us comfortable with ourselves. Fighting that internal stigma can be really, really hard. I am still adjusting to the idea of being ND almost a year after my diagnosis because I've been so heavily masked for so long, but we have such a welcoming and wonderful community here on Hexbear that I've become noticeably more comfortable with my ND tendencies IRL and here on the site. I think it's wonderful that you want to be more openly accepting of yourself!! The Unmasking Autism book by Devon Price was a huge eye-opener for me as to why I felt the way I did and what masking really meant in my daily life. I'd recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about themselves and others who identify or have been diagnosed as autistic. Their book Unlearning Shame is also another great read (I'm about halfway through it right now). I've struggled with relationships a lot as well, and I found this book on emotional maturity really helped me with understanding some of my emotional baggage and trauma. It's older, and should be taken with a heavy dose of critique, but I think the general messages are sound. I'm sure if you search the ND community for some book recs, there's a few posts with a place for reading lists/videos/articles as well.
on relationships
I don't have much in terms of advice for calling people out/virtue signaling. A lot of the time in situations like that I've had to ask myself internally what I expect from the other person if I'm going to say something to them about a certain topic. We all have the slop that we like to consume, whether it's games, food choices, or literature. Everyone deserves a modicum of respect to lives their lives as they want, so long as it's not detrimental you and those around you. If it gets to the point where you're losing respect for the person and their choices, it might be time to truly consider what you're wanting out of that relationship and if it's worth continuing. I wish there were more I could offer, but without more information I feel like I'm making too many assumptions and I don't want to offer up irrelevant blather. I'm open to chat more about it if you want, though.
Hopefully that's not too ramble-y, and I hope that answered some of your questions.
Good grief, I remember when you first posted about having to fight them on that medication the first time. I hope it goes in your favor comrade, it is absolute nonsense to put you on something that will have no benefit.
Did anything ever come from your recent bout of tests you got done? I'm catching up on the comments, but I'm glad you were able to get the cord for your laptop, and that they moved up the next surgery. Hopefully you can get some relief from the tingling and pain soon. Really hope it's not like an allergy or something. Sending hugs and peace, love.
Your resume sounds downright impressive, honestly. Job hunting is so awful, and I'm starting to think a lot of places are just auto-rejecting applications and they don't even get seen by real people. It can really feel hopeless sometimes...most of the time, really.
I'm so sorry work is sucking out all your energy, too. It can't be easy juggling all the things you do. I hope you can get some rest and find some time to chill and just recuperate. You deserve a break.
I hope they keep working in your favor, comrade. Mood swings and stuff around that time can be absolutely wild. I'm glad you got something to that seems to be working.
lil bit of personal over sharing to relate
It makes me anxious wondering if it'll catch up to me like that too because I get huge cysts around my cycle that sometimes burst and even had a partial ovarian torsion. My doc said hormones would be on the menu if the cysts continued to be a problem, so I appreciate you sharing because I have been putting it off with the hope the stuff I'm already on will keep me sane and comfortable enough to function. Really hope it continues to help you too.
I think it's best to follow your prescriber's instructions for methylphenidate, since the drug affects people in so many different ways and can be used to treat different things. You're probably seeing so many varied responses because dosage, other drug interactions, and medical history can change how it works for you.
People irl seem to dissociate when I even mention covid, like a trauma response that makes them completely shut down and mentally disengage with blank stares like some pavlovian response. I get questioned about my mask by strangers, medical staff, checkout people, etc. all the time and have had better responses telling people that I've got terrible allergies.
Edit: scrolling through a couple other posts and seeing how active the sub is was... horrifying.
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This is an org I came across a while back. As it says in the pic and on their homepage, they are all about "Mutual Aid and Human-Centered Learning for Neurodivergent and Disabled People".
Their 'encylopedia of difference' has a huge plethora of information on so many topics. Hope ya'll find it as helpful as I have.
"Stimpunks was forged in the quest for survival and inclusion. We are a 501(c)(3) nonprofit built by and for neurodivergent and disabled people. Stimpunks was founded in December of 2021. We are a community affair. We’re Autistic, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, Tourettes, schizophrenic, bipolar, apraxic, dyslexic, dyspraxic, dyscalculic, non-speaking, and more. We’ve collectively experienced rare diseases, organ transplants, various cancers, many surgeries and therapies, and lots of ableism and SpEd. We’ve experienced #MedicalAbleism, #MedicalMisogyny, #MedicalRacism, #MedicalTrauma, and #MedicalGaslighting. We understand chronic pain, chronic illness, and the #NEISvoid “No End In Sight Void”. We know what it’s like to be disabled and different in our systems. We know what it is like to live with barriers and what it means to not fit in and have to forge our own community. Disabled and neurodivergent people are always edge cases, and edge cases are stress cases. We can help you design for the edges, because we live at the edges. We are the canaries. We are “the fish that must fight the current to swim upstream.“
Here's a link to their burnout page, which is where I first found them from online searches.
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It doesn't look great, more like squishy red slop but man does it taste good. I add vegan parmesan and fresh lime juice once it's on the plate. Recipe is from Love and Lemons
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Dealing with NT Harassment
(hexbear.net)
I broke down today in a public setting when someone deliberately attempted to annoy me because they enjoy my reactions when I get upset. My question is, how to deal with such things? Any hexbears who regularly deal with this or have suggestions on how to handle such situations? Am I just fucked with dealing with assholes?
Content Warning: self-harm
So, I get sensory overload pretty easily with seemingly small auditory cues, such as whistling, intermittent humming, low frequency vibrations (like from old AC units or fluorescent light bulbs). Someone I am forced to interact with on a daily basis decided they wanted to make me squirm today by whistling off-key repeatedly, loudly, and very near to where I was working. When I asked them to stop they continued to do it, kind of like a sibling who is bored and wanting to get some entertainment by driving the other party crazy. After 20 minutes of it I was getting to the point of distress, and I asked them to please stop because it was making me uncomfortable, and their response was to try and do it more loudly. I finally went to them and talked to them directly, face to face, and all but begged them to stop because it was making me uncomfortable and it was getting disrespectful, near tears at that point, and they rolled their eyes and said "Sorry you got triggered". The reality was that I was to the point of starting to scratch myself with my nails to distract myself because I was so distraught from the noise, something that I've come to understand happens when I'm starting to dissociate. I'm ashamed to say I dug my nails in enough to draw blood and leave marks, something I haven't done in a long while. Ended up leaking a few tears, which is really embarrassing and shameful for me when I'm not alone...
I have to work with this person every day, and I can't wear headphones/ play music/ do things to block them out like I normally would. I just got this job but I'm already to the point where my mental health is being trashed after just a few weeks.
Am I SOL? Anyone have anything that could help with this, even if it's suggestions on dealing with over stimulation in a work setting as someone with autism? I keep my ND a secret; no one knows I'm on the spectrum. ...am I overreacting? 
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That's utterly disappointing. I'm so sorry they're not taking you seriously and that it's such an uphill battle. I mean, it's obvious your body is telling you something is going on. You deserve better. Maybe that upcoming GP appointment will provide some answers or get you closer to a treatment option. Hope you're hanging in there okay, love, and that you're able to get some rest despite everything.