I don't think it's because the bet is different so much as it's because the bet is against the person rolling. I'm betting that that person is going to "lose". It's just bad vibes.

But yeah, obviously my bet didn't affect the outcome. That just makes it funnier that it worked out that way.

You can't just knock someone out with a punch. That's how it works in movies, not in real life.

I think we should use Pokémon metaphors to describe all human interactions.

My last drain snake broke off in the drain.

Get a decent drain snake. Maybe not the cheapest one on Amazon.

I got you.

I used to throw it away, but recently I started saving it, and it's amazing.

Step 1: Cook bacon.

Step 2: Strain the grease. I use a tea strainer. You don't have to do this, but it helps it last longer, because the bacon bits spoil before the grease does.

Step 3: Pour it into a small tub. I use an old spreadable butter tub that has masking tape on the top and sides with "BACON GREASE" written on it, so I don't accidentally use it instead of butter.

Step 4: Store it in the refrigerator.

Step 5: Use that shit. You can use it in most places you'd use butter or oil.

• Caramelizing onions? Slap a dollop of bacon grease into the pan first.

• Pancakes? Pancakes with a soupçon of bacon.

• Eggs? Obviously.

• Grilled cheese? Holy shit, use bacon grease. It's so fucking good.

It behaves a lot like butter. When it's cold it stiffens up, but if you leave it out for a few minutes it softens and becomes spreadable.

Whenever I cook more bacon I top up my bacon grease tub. My cooking has gotten a little bit better this year, and it's all because of bacon grease.

Exactly. I'm using what I know of gravity. The mattress should be resting on top of something. If we're looking down, it is. If we're looking up, it's floating in mid-air, apparently wedged against both walls even though it doesn't look firmly wedged on the right side.

There's no banister in the picture. It looks like maybe there's a support for a banister, but that doesn't magically make the tops of the steps into the sides of the steps.

But eugenics applied to animals is just selective breeding. Or in this specific case you might call it natural selection (gasp).

There's nothing wrong with that in itself, but it does suggest the existence of evolution, which doesn't align ideologically with the Republican party.

“no, there really isn’t a celebrity I’d go gay for.”

Not even for the story?

Bottom.

1. The risers on the stairs are not visible.

2. The wear on the carpet goes right to the edge. That's consistent with people stepping on it, not kicking it on the way up.

3. If it's at the top, the mattress doesn't appear to have any of its weight resting on a step. It could be so wedged in that it's being held in place, and that it was wedged that way by someone awkwardly pushing at the ends of it in a way that wouldn't seem to give them enough leverage to do that. But the obvious explanation is more likely, that it's at the bottom of the stairs.

Just do what I do, and fall behind on everything.

This is a wonderful attitude to have as long as it's not in the comments of an article about how Tesla's approach is trapping people and burning them alive.