So this probably doesn't help (except to back other people's experiences), but there was an asian massage place across from the place I got oil changes and tire swap/rotations (as stud to normal and back). I went there a couple times (first was weird about tipping, but I figured it was a communication issue), got comfortable with it, and the third time the lady put her hand on my junk and just raised her eyebrows. I slowly shook my head, and she went back to a regular massage. That was the last time I went there.

My wife was actually super upset. Not at me, but for me, saying I had been sexually assaulted. I had to explain that while technically that might be true, I was not in a position of vulnerability, she was just doing her thing (and I was clearly in the wrong place), and I get to define my own experience.

I like combination jokes:

What's brown and sticky?

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Or:

What do you call a cow with three legs?

What do you call a cow with no legs?

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Where's my two dolllllllllarrrrrrrrs?

Mazda Miada with gatlings. Going for that glass cannon role.

I tell people I hate being wrong, so the sooner I am corrected or can correct myself the better.

And the answer is... whenever I'm wrong. I am fairly diligent about thinking through what I say and do, but everybody makes mistakes or lacks knowledge, so I am quick to admit being wrong when I am.

Also, counterintuitively, quickly and casually admitting to being wrong often serves to make people forget you were wrong in the first place. My wife and I have had conversations where she admits being wrong (after entirely too much argument), and comments about how I'm never wrong. And I tell her I'm wrong all the time, I just admit it quickly instead of making a big deal about it, so it's not very memorable. (As we've gotten older, those conversations have become more rare, but she still had me 3D print a medal and trophy wall mount, where she gets a "You Were Right" medal or a trophy each time she's right... like when she convinced me to take my vomiting dog to the vet at night on a weekend and saved his life, and ended up with a dachshund trophy for her wall)

What year is this? That type of humor was overdone in the 90's, and irrelevant now. Even in the early 2000s it was normal to split bills or trade off paying. Same with the "wish I were gay" nonsense. I'll be honest, I didn't get past that.

May as well be joking about Y2K. Totally anachronistic.

I got a Henson single blade years ago and I'm still on my first box (of 100) blades. It's delightful.

Military. Search and rescue, specifically.

I don't work in programming (helicopter maintenance/repair), but my boss goes one step further.

Boss: How long until it's ready for a test flight?

Me: I'd say...

Boss: Wait. Give me an honest number, don't add buffer time. I'm already going to double whatever you say to tell District.

Me: Oh, okay, with paperwork and ops checks, 3 hours is feasible, as long as we don't encounter any other issues.

Boss: roger, six hours, sounds good.

This feels awfully disrespectful to the waiter/waitress. Get your shit figured out so they can take your order instead of coming back to you four times because you spent 20 minutes at their table before you bothered to pick up a menu.

Rich people figured out this one cool trick where you treat the people providing you services with no regard, like the peasants they are.

I want one to make the normal sound, but whenever you put it in park it moves to the Party Rock Anthem. Only the first little bit until they yell "Party Rock!" And then gets quiet.

Since there's a long intro, it's at about 1:38 the song starts, ignore the drums.

I made a compelling argument to a die-hard Republican for UBI, by pointing out enormous job losses on the horizon due to automation. Basically, I said that there will only be so many labor hours available, so either huge numbers of people on unemployment, or less hours worked by each person. So if everyone had a baseline food/shelter/medical, and worked based on anything beyond that they want, there would be enough labor hours available for everyone. And you tax the shit out of automation to pay for it.

Automation should benefit society, not just a handful of people.