I remember when I still lived at home - the home I grew up in where my old man lives with his new family. But, this memory is from before I joined the cult but after I started training with the CIA. I began my healing thirteen years ago with the start of my educational art project while guided by the aliens that lived on my laptop at the time, and this was about eleven-and-a-half years back, I believe. I wanted to start reconnecting with my father, as we lived in two seperate worlds in the same house. At the same time, I wanted to teach him something that I had learned from God; that being how systems evolve over time. So, I sheepishly asked him one night if he would like to play a game with me: Civilization V.
This is one of my favorite games, along with the Binding of Isaac and Minecraft, but I chose it because board games, particularly chess and stratego, were big staples of my childhood, having many happy and sad moments with him in these times. He agreed after I explained the concept of a grand strategy game. Things went pretty well for a minute there, bonding as he learned the game. We were on a team versus individual easy computer opponents, so victory was guaranteed just by the fact that we were going to produce twice as much science as these idiot clankers. He chose America, and I chose the Aztecs because I quietly knew I was going to have to protect him from barbarians at the beginning of the game, so free culture for me.
Obviously, we didn't complete a game in a night, passing my laptop back and forth on the couch in the living room for an hour or so. But we kept it up for a few nights, with me bearing his sarcasm that makes up the bulk of how he chooses to socialize just like his mother and just like I've been doing my due diligence in trying to heal from these last thirteen years. Then he accuses me of cheating; that I was playing away from him, to get an advantage...despite how we played on a team in a game I sunk over a thousand hours in. His argument was each time we started up the game, it was on me even though the turns, y'know, progress as Player 1>2>3>4 - whatever that option is called for playing on the same computer. He didn't understand that when we ended after I took my turn, then he took his turn, then I'd save the game after the computer players went.
I even showed him how I was saving it after he hit "end turn." No, I'm just a conniving fiend in his eyes and he can't see the world any other way. Senile is one word, but no, it's really prejudice my father has for me, whose audacious act of coming into this world ultimately coincidenced with his wife being taken from him. Truly, the relationship between Tywin and Tyrion Lannister mimics how my father treats me. In every God damn scenario of me interacting with this man since we've reconnected in the past few years has been accusations and snide comments and ultimately just treating me like I'm garbage that can do no good. And I was garbage at one point: I WAS RAISED AND TRAUMATIZED BY HIM TO LEAVE HOME FOR COLLEGE AS A COMPLETELY BROKEN SPECIMEN OF A HUMAN BEING!
Thank Christ almighty I had my mother and she taught me what love is. It's what compels me to amend these traits I inherited from him in my spiritual work and help others on whatever similar quest they're incarnated here for. Because, y'know, I've asked for some money here and there these past two or three years; y'know, for milk when things aren't working out, helping with emergencies, plus he sent me the money for a bike. And throughout this time I sent several gifts to him and my brother (>$500) while offering to do work online to help sell my stepmom's quilts. But y'know, looking through CashApp, he sent me $3,900 over three and a half years in the midst of recovering from the homelessness he caused when he first threw me away for the emotional dysregulation he also caused, and that's enough to throw a person his son away, obviously.
...meanwhile, I'm over $100k in debt to my life partner's father I have never met or spoken to. But then again, I imagine you have a lot more money to spare when you aren't forced to throw away so much on fixing shit your Karma breaks on you. Like, this is something that many people won't understand, because most people are stuck in the same loop/cycle of karmic rebirth in this illusion of a world and never experience life the way it can be lived. Growing up and living with my dad? Every week it was something new! The garbage disposal broke. The fridge started leaking. The truck's transmission died, again. Fender bender. Pipes bursting. Mold. Toilet backs up. Missed opportunity at work, lost a contract. Friend pissed him off too much, he said something that lost him that friend.
That's, y'know, what life is like when you shoot out your neighbor's kiddie pool in all three inflatable sections with your pellet gun in a stealth commando mission at midnight that you bragged about because their kid was too loud. If you destroy everything your son's deceased mother ever made him because he forgot to take out the trash, your life gets real shitty, y'know? When you make family cry because you stubbed your toe and said the most cruel thing ever, bro, all I can say is I pity you with what's coming your way.
Cuz, shit is wonderful now. Y'know, I had no money just yesterday, but I know I had maybe five dollars in points at the weed store to get a preroll. So, I call and ask what my balance is to be told I only have thirty-five cents. What? That can't be right! I fuss a second to be told that apparently they accidentally made a second account for me that had over twenty dollars in points. It was the account from my old ID...the one I already went through this exact scenario before, to combine the only two accounts I've had on a completely seperate occasion about a year ago to thus gain free money from an account I'm pretty positive had nothing in it. And this is just one of dozens of types of stories I have for when I have magicked weed with no money.
This one time, just after Christmas, they were selling those fruitcake candies for twenty-five cents a tin at Safeway. I bought a big bag of those and dropped them off at every one of the bus stops in the area. On this trip, I found an abandoned, completely unopened gallon of olive oil. Weird how the more you give, the more you get, y'know? Yet, Karma is even more miraculous. See, I had a slight cavity in a back molar around the time I met my life partner. It was super achy and annoying. Then I started taking care of this man who is much farther on the path of enlightenment than me. A few days later, my tooth stopped hurting. Since then, this tooth has sheared in half multiple times, leaving 1/16 of a very dead tooth exposed in my mouth. No pain.
Well, there's been literally a couple moments. The only time I ever feel anything from it is when I do something regretful, like how I started defaming my father with egregious lies in ways that could disrupt his personal and professional life. It turned into a real dull, burning pain, like all the way into the gums. Did not like that. I stopped. The pain went away. And I do so find it funny how it doesn't hurt telling the truth.