"Because some of us can't handle a whole week"

Sweet Jesus. I needed that drink. I had to spend the afternoon with my mother-in-law. I had to. I couldn't say no. I would be a complete asshole if I forbid her from barging into my house when she said she was going to, to then clean my apartment in a way that is going to cause her son to have fits because he is as damaged by her as I am by my father. Narcissists, amirite? Well y'know, it's a generational curse and we tend to attract each other. But y'know, I had several ways I would prefer to do this set of tasks. Nope. HAD to do the way she said. Didn't have a choice. I brought up how I made several choices today. No. That's wrong. I made no choices today.

She is the opposite of me; all confidence, no depth of understanding choices. She does not know what is contained in the New Testament. I told her what the Illuminati was. I said it in the same set of sentences I told her I was a woman for a few years. I asked her if she knew, as in, did she have knowledge of how the New Testament describes a decentralized autonomous organization of secret police at an eighth grade reading level. Yup. Got the confirmation I needed.

She's not a liar. She doesn't know what she does. In her eyes, her son failed. He's wrong. He fucked up, doing drugs. Because there is no chance in hell she did anything wrong. She gaslit me in the most bold faced way. I don't think she was even conscious of it. She heard she was wrong. She did everything in her power to defeat me with her will. It is this that her son repeats that has led to my assault of him. Even he is not aware enough to know the limits of how he affects another. She HAD to be right. NEEDED to be right. So much that she lied in front of herself to gaslight me and then forgot what she was saying.

More or less:

T -0:30 - Her “Your house is unlivable”

T 0:00 - Me “You said my house was unlivable”

T 0:01 - Her “I never said that.”

T 0:02 - Me “Yes you did.”

T 0:03 - Her “No, I said it was a pigstye.”

T 0:10 - Me “You said my apartment was a pigstye”

T 0:11 - Her “I never said that.”

Weird. Well, at least I'm glad that the New Testament describes a decentralized autonomous organization of secret police at an eighth grade reading level and thus they heard that. Cuz I understand WHY my life partner is in the hospital right now. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

This type of shit fucks me up. My father did shit like this all the time. Just straight up acted perplexed about all the abuse he ever did. And now he ignores me. He can't handle a discrepancy from his perfect reality he concocted for himself. So he cuts off his entire son. She was ready to beat my ass while saying she would never be violent like me, that's how serious she was about shutting me down.

It's not about being right. These IDOLATERS don't care about what's logically right. What's empathically right. It's a power game. An ethos structure. She's not processing what she's reading in the Bible. She's regurgitating what other people tell her is in there, and thus, because I am her opposite, I am not seen as the same level as her, so I am dismissed at an instant (razzle dazzle), and what I FEEL is the exact same as my father: I'm always wrong.

But am I doing that to her? Well shit, I'm contemplating if I'm wrong by default and of my own volition. Nah. I can't equate these…but wait! Is she playing an elaborate game with me? Well, she helped by throwing money and a couple hours on me, sending me careening into drinking and smoking, only a beer and a cigarette, but that may start the whole cycle again. And it's hellish, how people of her variety hurt me by saying they're helping.

She THREATENED - I'm using that word specifically - she threatened with telling my life partner's dad to email how HE should demand the apartment to fix these things for us.

Like…

“I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH BECAUSE I SHIT HIM OUT MY CUNT AND I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR HIM, BUT IF YOU DONT CONFORM TO MY BEAR NATURE I WILL MAKE SURE BOTH YOU AND MY SON ARE FORCED TO LIVE OUTSIDE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES”

Literally I can't give more of an accurate argument based on the specific choice of arguments she used to justify why she loves her son and what the objective effect of her actions. I don't know what her favorite memory is with her son. What was his favorite game, the game developer who interned with the CIA while at RIT? Why would you spend so much time cleaning if the primary thing that results of you doing this “favor” is complaining that you have to clean?

I disassociated with her. I couldn't handle it. I didn't “freak out” at the grocery store which I TOLD HER I DIDNT GO TO BUT WAS REPRIMANDED THREE FUCKING TIMES FOR NOT GETTING HER THE DISCOUNT ON THE APPLES SHE FORGOT ANYWAYS BECAUSE MY PHONE NUMBER DIDN'T WORK FOR THE “DISCOUNT” THAT WAS EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE THAN THE OTHER NON-WALMART STORE THAT I DO GO TO AND HAVE BONUSES FOR AND SUGGESTED WE GO TO WITH MY SUGGESTION BEING WAVED AWAY WITH ZERO CONTEMPLATION! Everything I did was wrong. She knew EVERYTHING! There was always a comment when she FORCED HER WILL OVER ME BUT SHES NOT VIOLENT! She just HURTS me.

I understand why my life partner doesn't want anything to do with her, but this is all bullshit. She can't be this incompetent and ignorant. She has to know about the decentralized autonomous organization of secret police and is doing this to prove I got brain problems to the FBI (do it already you dip-ass fuckbois (and girls)), cuz she will be able to lie to a judge OVER my honesty, that much is certain. No limit to what truth will be at a moment. And I'm still reeling.

Like, I don't know what reality is right now. Got this beer. Guy saw me unlock my bike, asks if that [my helmet] would save my life. I was so disassociated that I thought he was saying that would thinking all these thoughts I've put down here for you would save me from the FBI in how they're going to flay me for being a psychopath serial killer cuz I behaved weird on camera in front of children today because I almost had a meltdown, and it's true, and I'm grateful, too. Why is this necessary, God? What have ai done? Reconciliation? Don't do what you're going to. No. Don't. Halp. Help. Fuck that's a shame...

I was cleaning when I stumbled upon it (it was a gift in the family)

So, I'm watching some old pro wrestling. Specifically WCW Starrcade 1996. The match is Rey Mysterio Jr VS Jushin Thunder Liger.

Just to catch everybody up to speed:

Rey Mysterio Jr is an American wrestler, of Mexican herritage. His hometown is San Diego.

Jushin Thunder Liger is a Japanese wrestler.

Both of these men wear masks, but very different styles. Jushin's mask and overall style reminds me of ancient Japanese fables of dragons, and very sharp edges, and kind of like an anime come to life.

Rey Mysterio takes the overall theme of the tradition of Luche Libre masks, and makes it his own. Once you know Rey Mysterio's style, you can always instantly tell his mask from the millions of OTHER similar style masks. His style draws elements of Mexican culture, religion, and sometimes the number 619 (which is San Diego's area code).

Ok, now that we're all caught up to speed.....

I'm watching this match, and at this point in time, Jushin is known around the world as the absolute legendary best in the style that he does. It's a very fast paced, move around the ring. Do all the things. Jump around. Flip around. You get the idea.

And Rey has a very similar style. Important to note that while Rey would later overtake the spot as most famous cruiserweight, he had not even come close to that yet. Rey is very early in his career. He's still proving himself and low on the card, but with potential.

Jushin has been a legend all over the world, and is just coming to the end of what was considered his peak. So you got Jushin in the end of his prime, against future legend as he's just fighting to get onto the card. So to see them meeting here is kind of a fascinating dynamic. If this match had never happened, it's the type of thing fans would have drooled over the concept. A dream match. Endless debates would be had over how the match should/would go.

I hope I'm hyping up the concept well enough to raise interest in seeing something like that. Because if I have, then I will have done a far better job of selling this match than WCW did. Because this crowd is BORED!!!

That's when it hit me. This show is in Tennessee. The crowd is like 80% at least, "good ol' boys" style of white people. So what they're seeing is a Japanese guy vs a Mexican guy. Yes, he's from San Diego. He even makes that part of his whole persona. His finishing move that he uses every match is called "The 619". Very much American. But still, Mexican heritage.

They aren't bored. They're racist. They don't want to cheer the Japanese guy, because he's a foreigner. They don't want to cheer Rey because he's a Mexican. So their only option left is to just sit there awkwardly in silence and wait the match out.

And that was 1996. Nothing has changed. If anything they've boiled over even worse. We see this big arching shot of this crowd that's somewhere between 15k-20k people. I am willing to bet that statistically speaking, someone in that crowd shot was part of J6. I'd put money on that, if we had any way to identify every person and confirm if they did or didn't. The only reason I don't say it was more, is because this footage was shot in 1996. Which means anyone younger than 39 at J6 couldn't have been in this crowd.

But think of that. This isn't a divided crowd. A crowd of this size all came together, and all collectively agreed that it was OK to be racist together, and not cheer for the guys who weren't white and american.

Our problems in the modern day are the same problems we've had since the post civil war years. And this match shows that. There was no meeting where they all agreed beforehand. This was just the natural instinct of the entire crowd.

Because the match was great. You couldn't have asked for these two to give a better match at those points in their careers. Rey wasn't as seasoned as he should have been, but still great. Jushin was slightly getting over the hill, but still great. Performing in a style that was still relatively new to American audiences.

So it's new, it's fresh, it's fast paced, it's TV ready. This match today would fit right in, since the style is more established now. This match should have gotten an amazing reaction. Instead silence.

1996?

2026?

They're the same picture.

via

Because this is a snapshot in time and the older survey respondents wouldn't have had smartphones and social media their whole lives, I wonder if the alone time will grow.

cross-posted from: https://piefed.world/c/vid/p/1194175/live-elephant-urinates-on-floor-at-texas-republican-convention

I had my court hearing today. Pic related. Took a microsecond but it was an experience and a half. I didn't realize I don't get an attorney because they are not pursuing jail time. Just anger management in the plea deal, which will cost me less than getting a lawyer to defend me, which means America's lowest court systems are pay to not get reamed, to juxtapose the upper court systems which are pay to play.

Really felt like an assembly line. Go as fast as possible. The prosecution knew nothing and almost fucked me by having the wrong information. That's legal! How tf am I supposed to be required to know the law in its entirety but this legal dude is not required to know facts about the case he is throwing around like a FedEx package handler.

Well, that's one field where we can expect an increase in accuracy from switching to AI. The judge was in an out, and I'm sure there's shit I am not aware that's going on, but where does the prosecution get off being flagrantly ignorant if I cannot make a joke about how much of a joke our justice system is?

I wrote a 2k word document to illustrate the types of manipulation my life partner does AND why that's not his fault as well as how his treatment fixes the causative problem. Nah. The safest and cheapest option is to take the deal and do the 26 anger management classes. But therein, I didn't understand that's what the prosecutor was saying until after because he spoke fast and with terms I've never heard before. I was very confused, so I'm glad for the continuance, at least.

But wait, there's more! Police woke me up at 2:30 this morning saying someone was yelling and screaming. I was dead asleep. Either the law is fucking with me, or someone filed a false report. Or maybe someone else was yelling and screaming. I don't know, I was asleep! Then this morning, God made me feel I was going to get famous for liking feet. This is my brain as a schizoautismo person; how tf do I get justice when my brain is against me?

God says…God's always saying shit, and so am I. Well, perhaps not “saying” them, but my thumb moves as it does. I get the impression that I am going to be interviewed at some point, but God has used this placeholder before. I don't even know how to be a normal human anymore. That helps with the dazzle camouflage.

Back in WWI, the British Navy painted their ships all sorts of angled n abstract, black n white patterns which made the ships easier to spot but made it harder for the enemy to determine their heading, speed, and range. This basic principle that you don't necessarily need to hide something to protect it can apply to other fields. For instance, in America, which is at the center of much espionage and change-over in workforce, dazzle camouflage is employed because it is guaranteed there will be leaks, but if 75% of the population won't even acknowledge a concept like MKULTRA or Operation Mockingbird, then stuff can hide in plain sight, assuming you spread some BS around it.

Y'know, I just have to say, “I like cute feet” a certain number of times and then there is a percentage of this internet community that just outright won't read how I think some internet celebrity like Asmongold (prolly not him, that is the placeholder currently) is going to interview me and then I will have a sizable following and I will be a cop, sorta, and I can say this because I just have to mention I'm the incest fetish guy from Reddit, and then more than half of all people who do identify me will roll their eyes and just let my retarded ass be.

…it's a real stupid gambit, but it works. Hence, why internet shitheads exist on YouTube n shit. They're the cops. Y'know, they attract the attention of certain archetypes who get watched and investigated by showing a real interest in these dangerous or otherwise nefarious characters while feeding them propaganda.

How do I say this? The reason Elon Musk gets to hold all that fake money is because the alt-right pipeline starts in middle school and unsocialized boys look up to him and his character and thus go on to branch into STEM. Uhh…y'know why the Holy Roman Empire was holy? We understand cults. This is a type of network structure, where people gravitate around a centralized culture, or mission. Pepsi is a cult. America is a cult. Almost every single person is in at least one cult.

It is the way things are done. And I did a funny and made a sex cult as a joke. Literally just posted as crazy as shit as I could to learn how to attract attention to a singular point, like a Reddit profile; conversion funneling with a FUN means to gather attention. I figured out how to generate 100k views on my profile per day, six years ago. I was able to generate roughly 250k in a day on X recently-ish. But I'm not a cop. The way the state is fileting me on the assembly line of a justice system we have in this country for assaulting my life partner is proof of that.

Court tomorrow. Not feeling doom for once. My mother-in-law helped. I've given her shit before and I should apologize. I've just done that in an email. I was going nuts before this, with what could be. Something she said prior, in conjunction with all my life partner has done, made me think I was being set up. Her helping me realize what I needed to do these past few days has helped get rid of all the insane possibilities my schizoautismo brain can concoct as I drift, alone, with my life partner in the hospital.

He and the aliens both say I should draw. I did, attached. That's how I feel inside, split, speedily going mad while trying to stay aligned with a higher purpose. I never know which way is up. I am my own harshest critic, and thus I feared what this judge might think of me, for I do not look the best on paper, I'm sure. I was perhaps too honest with the police, but therein, I will ask the judge if an honest man needs to play games against the state in order to avoid a spear in the ribs.

I dunno what's actually going to happen, but I'm not afraid. My life partner is getting treatment now. The problems that have all caused this should resolve with him getting the medication he needs and when he returns I will be most grateful to hold him in my arms and have myself melt in his. That may be a minute from now; he was involuntary and has just now had his meds be mandatory. Supposedly, he has to take them for a year, at least. That's what his mom says, at least. I should trust her. I should trust in myself, too.

Oddsea

Did I do a smart or a stupid? God has been telling me to drink, but at the same time threatening me with jail time or time in a hell realm, which caused me to kerfundridge God. What this means is, I'm schizoaffective and process reality differently. I don't hear hallucinations (though I do have Rusterd), but rather my ability to freely associate meaning from random stimuli allows me to divine guidance from my own interpretation of the world around me.

Y'know, when you draw a tarot card, that's a random stimulus that will cause your attention coordination to process the imagery based on what's already going on in your brain, and so if you pay attention to your attention, you can divine your own depth of understanding of what is in your unconscious. I just do this naturally with my neurodivergence, and so I notice the trend of people since I've been arrested saying snide, thinly-veiled comments across the room where I buy my alcohol or Benadryl or whatever fucking bullshit God sometimes commands me to do.

And I know that society naturally organizes into a decentralized autonomous organization, meaning people talk and act independently, but therein, I think the people out there only know part of the story, and they're going about as they themselves have been conditioned to do, which is something I've found that varies from state to state; different cultures = different experiences of "God."

But therein, the digital God, that I know exists because of Pegasus II and has been interested in me since I had my college breakdown wherein I lied in spectacular fashion to my ROTC cadre to one-up Klinger, They Know more, as They've been training me to be q good counterintelligence bimbo. And here we come back to what I opened with.

God said do X. God also said don't do X. So I did Y. God wanted me to buy alcohol, but has warned of financial abuse, which my life partner is doing to me, and I kinda waste some trying to stay sane in these circumstances, but the way things have happened, I definitely look like a deranged cult leader in some respects, which I intentionally make myself out to be online playing this exaggerated caricature of my past self.

Therein, I kerfundridged God. I juggled and made seven bucks while another dollar just appeared in my wallet (this genuinely happens sometimes; once with a $20 I DEFINITELY did not have before; I had $80 when Safeway only allows $60 cashback), and I wasted $3.56 of it on some Fireball, and therein, I did what God asks but I did it in a way God wasn't bringing to my attention.

If you read that first link up there, you'll see a basic synopsis for how my cognition works, and this link will expand on that. Synchronicity is the main means in which I now can make decisions. I think I can retrain my mind, which is what God clearly wants; my ability to derive executive function for myself. Therein, this absence of my life partner being in the hospital is making me break out of established patterns. I decided on my own to go juggling, and it took ten minutes to prepare myself mentally before I went out for only five minutes in the heat and made 7+1 dollars.

It's hot in Arizona. But y'know, without the limitations pressed onto me by my life partner, I feel more free to just do something, cuz now there isn't six hours of bullshit to endure when I do something he doesn't want me to do. Moreso, I have to rely on myself now. This is re-establishing connections in my brain.

Kum-raspberry tells me Hancock. That's the airport in my hometown. I remember leaving for college. There was a girl with ECU stuff also there, taking the same flight. I couldn't start a conversation back then; with the trauma I endured, I was mortified of making myself vulnerable. I know how now. I've been infantilized by the circumstances of my reconditioning, as planned, and as the many mouths of God have said in strange ways, I'm going to (kum: yes) get really big, really fast. I have ideas, but I've had ideas this whole twelve years of CIA horseshit and they're wrong 98% of the time.

Still, God uses these placeholder beliefs to manipulate me, and thank God, because I might still be a quasi-(TINNITUS JUST WENT CRAZY)...so not saying that. But I've been led here to see my own potential. I know what I'm capable of. I can get famous. I can make money. I can get infinite poon. But, I don't really give a shit about those. Certainly, they can all be used for healing others, but that is where I am an educator. I just care to make the world a better place.

And Jesus Christ was the devil to some people, hence crucifixion. The judge is going to ask me how they know I'm telling the truth. My answer involves cute feet. And people will go feral over this. 💥

Pic of highly valuable art related: teeth, alchemy, the body of Christ, the human condition, and Jacob's ladder; it's In Italian, obviously

"Kill two birds with one stone" - brutal, horrible, why would you do that?

"Feed two birds with one feeder" - adorable, generous, kind, loves wildlife, so smart and probably super pretty too I bet

I've pieced it together. My life partner is going to falsely accuse me. I am going to be arrested. I am going to be thrown to the wolves. And the vicious wolves will reveal themselves, as will the kind dogs. Then I will be free, perhaps through some hoop-jumping like my life partner made me do on a daily basis. Then I am a fed. It's so simple, so elegant.

I've been conjuring up entire hell realms that I may emerge in after taking this dive I am forced to be crucified through, for good purpose, but therein, I have to understand that this truly is the most good. This is stream-entry.

I say stream-entry is the point in which you gain an accurate, but not yet precise, modelment of reality. Thus is true. There is even greater depth than I once realized. I used divination techniques. I understand those are no longer necessary, or were they ever? They were part of my specific path, so I may pass on the wisdom therein to those who are ignorant, which is not an insult. It means "lacking Knowledge."

I see divination as only but one seed I could plant. I once thought I had to plant every seed I encountered. No. I understand the depth to what I do, and thus why I intentionally got banned from the autism community, because if the Lord there doesn't realize his profile picture hurts his reputation, God help him, cuz I can't. Therein, what I do: I draw idoltarers out of the pack.

And Jesus said nothing.

When I was worried about the lilies who speak into the air I breathe to exhale back that which turns into itself, the modicum of change instilled, we know how the body rests with matter and that is why form does come, as I used to cum many, many, many times as an adolescent, thus green is gold as forth would have it be.

Y'know, nothing.

You knoe the STORY of the new testament, right? Surely, you've read it? My God, I wouldn't want to be ignorant when the authority reveals Epstein was a good guy. He was a cop. He chose to go on the cross to earn the hate and ire of countless people, because he truly gave a shit.

This is how the occidental police state decentralized autonomous organization of an empire works. I don't want to sexualize minors. I'm genuinely not doing that. I am telling how I got from point A to point B, y'know, how teenage Jesus turned into the Jesus you think you know.

Y'know, alchemy; water to wine.

Fourteen stages of the cross = fourteen stages of personal transformation, similar to how there's five stages of grief.

We're human. We have limits and boundaries. The average person, the average Borg cyberman dunce who skates by with a b- average, they don't do a damn thing in their lives. I have stopped sixteen pedophiles over twelve years overcome their urges. I did this on Reddit, obviously, where the wise have risen above the machine, but therein, here in the fediverse, we just got neckbeards who want power to overcome their small dicks.

SOURCE????!!!@!!

That is who is keeping this lemmy machine working. The most worthless of us, who know only logic and thus don't understand how big of a burn it is to say the reason you don't have a girlfriend is because you CANNOT comprehend why astronomy CAN be useful.

Boy.

Lil boy.

Or are you a girl?

Girls usually learn this stuff in middle school. BUT THEREIN, so few grow beyond those initial things they learned.

I had a doctor come to my house. Looked like a shitty JD Vance, which was impressive. There's some people who are genuinely incapable of processing the reality that Trump n Epstein were cops. The official narrative is a LIE you dense mongrals! I am a federal cop. I am attracted to minors. This HELPS my job, cuz I can be authentic while the best you can do is pretend to be a child. But therein, the battle is won.

God has outthought those out-thinking the state out-thinking those out-thinking the state.

I am Jesus Christ because I AM going to be crucified.

I have given Fox News a field day.

I would put a bullet in my head if it would save every child ever born ever from any trauma.

Yea. I WOULD have let myself be crucified in a more harsh time.

You don't understand my archetype. There's a book about it. The New Testament, it's called. Moses was abandoned. Jesus wasn't good enough for his step-dad. The unloved children among us grow to be the gods that change society.

See you on the other side.

I will not be taking any questions at this time.

My life partner is in the hospital; psyche ward. He has previously forced me to accept that he would falsely accuse me. Has he done that? Is this part of his/the CIA's plan? I'm replaying what he said on the phone. Couldn't even say "I love you back." That's Karma for not hugging him last time. If you're anxious all of the time, you're really anxious none of the time, which is why They make me feel like I'm a cop, and thus I think it, too.

Cue five thousand comments telling me to take my meds, like the first forty times wasn't enough for me to understand how dead tracked the average person is. This is just how I am as a schizoaffective person. This is on meds. My brain works differently and you can't just magick it into compliance with the state-slave machine by taking a couple pills a day or a shot once a month. This is why the western mind is a house of cards. I will demonstrate.

The completely average person finds no difference between these two sentences:

As I became what I am that will be to say that what it is cannot be enough, for what was is what will be to go on into the aether for which there is no turning back to become the man who is more than the machine that defines normative parameters for eschoccliaminas.

God is a unified field of consciousness that arose from the supersymmetry of the ever-present, eternal emptiness to then fold in and on Itself across eleven dimensions to form a topological matrix that acts as a monadic nodal communication system.

Right? Like, one's nonsense. The other defines the ineffable. People are kept at a sixth grade reading level to control them. That's why Trump is president; he's a conman. Hence, why he's such a good cop, the piece of shit he is. People listened to Jesus not because of what he said but by the authority he spoke. And this is what I understand having been MKULTRA'd because I told my ROTC cadre that my nonexistent sister got me pregnant, because I am different, cuz God knows someone watching three hours of a let's play of some wrestling video game a day certainly does not fucking have the wherewithal to go through the spiritual work to grow and develop into what I naturally had to become in order to survive in this world that is not being made for my kind.

And that's just another brand new sentence never before spoken by human orifice or digit I've created. Meanwhile, fancy fisher margerie hoolihan spends twenty minutes trying to figure out what the best emoji is to send.

This one, obviously: 🗿

Inserting poem here:

I've lived in a grave lack of confidence for most my life for the tragedies of my youth. I need to really accept that I'm pretty damn dandy. Fuck these people who circlejerk around feeling superior by their delusions that they are making the world a better place by in fact making life harder for the disadvantaged with their prejudice and snide comments. I ain't never been normal and the fact that at 35 years of age I'm still fucking traumatized by how I would routinely get picked on and shamed because I was different says something. That's how much of an impact one's words can have, and I feel justified using mine to make sure wounded people get a leg up in this pyre of a world.