I sinned again today. I got a $1.17 bottle of banana flavored liquor. God didn't tell me; I just did it. And as a result, I was able to help a disabled person for the second time in recent memory because my addictions. I know God is forming these experiences for me to teach me lessons; I know that if I am brave and do something "society" says I shouldn't, I can help somebody.

My random word generator sends me "Dot" at a highly aberrant rate. What I connect with this input is the character, Dot, from MadTV. Y'know, real penguin of d00m, lol so random type of neurodivergence. And I know that if I were to juggle on the ASU campus at a regular rate, I will meet a college-aged Dot who can benefit from my specific pedagogy, being a natural complement to them.

And that's what scares me. I can think this through; I have a developed and trained prefrontal cortex. There are some eighteen-twenty year olds who are developmentally fourteen. I absolutely can put myself in a position where I can guarantee I get laid touting philosophy n spirituality n mental health skills to someone who is different and had a difficult childhood to not get the same lessons everyone else got. But that would be predatory! So I don't do that. Not because my intention is bad, but I am aware of the human condition in the occident, and I really do not need the local police to have something more to prove I are a bad.

Part of that fear involves something else: idolatorers. Y'know, people that would sacrifice anything to the golden bull but kick sand in the face of a beggar in their neighborhood. I'm in a crisis. God in Arizona doesn't help like They do in Portland or New York. God in Arizona is so similar to the God of Tennessee and North Carolina, where God has a lot to say about WHAT I'm doing though orchestrated cross-talking and more, but God here doesn't give a shit to actually HELP. Arizona seems to be an archipelago, with how everyone is their own island here.

I got mocked, unskillfully, by the self-checkout lady I recognize when I bought this shot. Made repeated comments about "red and shorts;" what I am wearing. I don't change my clothes much, having escaped civilization to learn how the world actually works while homeless to know that is a modern OCD fanaticism brought on by marketing.

Companies tell you to cover that toothbrush with toothpaste when really all you need is a pea-sized blob, because profits. Likewise, the western mind is a house of cards. I guarantee if I turned around and started talking about God and the true nature of society, that woman would run, because what I could put forth is so outside the realm of what constitutes "normal" and "true" that she would do everything she could to avoid acknowledging that her framework from which her reality and identity are derived is fallible, because attachment is the root of all suffering, and what I have in my pedagogical toolbox is enough to move anyone out of their identity, so I cause suffering to those who hold onto all they know for they would be nothing without these tenets of belief or what have you.

Which is wrong. If you completely dissolve the illusion of a self through demöbiating/undefiling your sin, you won't be nothing; you'll be empty. Everything already is empty. It is "emptiness" that can be both nothing and full at the same time, thus giving us a 0 and a 1 to manifest all reality from in a nodal communication system. The Earth isn't real. It exists only inside you; there is no spoon for the spoon IS you.

And they burned neurodivergent women at the stake for figuring similar shit out, for it's our intuition (Eve) not our logic (Adam) that first gains Knowledge of the true nature of reality. And that's what I'm scared of; the average person. I don't know if I'm a great enough man to let myself be crucified, but I am certainly better than average. The average person has been brainwashed by the news and media to believe Donald Trump is either perfect or literally the devil, but really he's a cop, like Epstein, and I see the vitriol these children living in duality spit on a daily basis towards each other, not knowing what they do.

It scares me. And that is why I have an impediment as a juggler. That and how unfathomably attracted to youth as I am, as all males are, but the difference between boys and men is what they do about that. There's people that never grow up to stop being a boy, chasing pussy or ass like it's their teleological purpose, and then there are the people who developed their prefrontal cortex enough to not let their serpent be steering the ship. It's really cool what you can think of and do when you aren't listening to that dick, Satan, who is you as much as God is.

Being alive is a scam

Title: "These Wild Young People" at asterisk magazine. Anecdata on how a cohort thinks about risky behaviors, taking risks, and managing their future.

Which I find refreshing compared to the opinion pieces that cite only old people.

Anybody know of other bits of writing that feel representative of a (usually spoken about, not too) cohort?

Like, where is my phone? I think someone stole my phone. It was just in my hands moments ago.

I havent seen any posts mentioning it yet, i dont want the event itself and the movement it generated and bolstered to be forgotten.

For 8 minutes a servant of the government wedged his knee into the neck of george floyd until he died. For months and years after that, the people decried the injustice highlighted by floyds death but which take place everywhere, and resisted apathy, and fought and won meaningful changes to the system.

That murderous servant is now in a low security jail for the next 22 years, and has 22 stab wounds too.

The world implemented multiple changes to policy and culture following the black lives matter movement.

There is still too much inequality, too much instability, too many psychos masquerading as servants, but today is a day to be remembered, and a name and movement to not forget

George Floyd - Black Lives Matter - May 25 2020

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shannon_number

God says create a propaganda post on why I'm different than I was before. Hmm...new Illuminati alien master says big turd every three days, leaves unspecified how big "big" is, so naturally in this formal dissertation of 255k words, I am going to prove that getting my asshole bleached fundamentally changed my life in a major fashion cuz now God says I'm technically a major in the Illuminati?

Yea, yea, yea, we're all "generals" in a decentralized autonomous organization of secret police righting this “culture” of our “society,” but as Knowledge begets duty, who's going into the Twin Towers AND Building 7 over two to three years to set termitic incendiary explosives and do this n that to ENSURE the plan goes smoothly?

Oh, the privates are the ones doing the most in depth and critical dirty jobs. Oh, it's not about power. It's about what you're capable of proving you're willing to do to be put to the test when the true time comes; that being your mission. And this right here, by itself, technically is enough to prove I am a fundamentally different person. Y'know, I remember writing about the biological benefits to materialism on my SAT, that's where I was, developmentally, at that age. My mission back then? Run fast, play video games, and jack off.

This is where some people that oversee me healing my inner rancor by expressing these feelings I get when addressed by a dis/unrespectful-to-hostile person, this is where overseers may be inclined to think I'm a piece of dooky myself! But, not knowing the depth one can be developed is a common feature of our culture in the occident; what it means to be a good person and what it means to be bad with such complexities and superpositions therein. Y'know, I am a piece of dooky, just not the full way some people, like past me, are, and then there are even the rare worse people out there that skew one's judgment of what normal really is!

I was homeless for three years as an UGLY trans woman. A woman peppersprayed me once, some youths tried tugging my clothes off for laughs, and I had some creeps say/do some unsavory things that I myself may have done in certain circumstances, such as drunk and malaised by my traumas, which is another thing that proves I'm a different man; I don't suffer like I used to. Certainly, I am losing my shit because my CIA life partner has intentionally driven me insane as he's nuts in his own way, but that itself has helped me as when I'm out and about, I am calm and happy.

There used to be terrible incidents. I don't know the literal number of times I drunkenly called my teammate the N-word after he incited incel rage in me during the bloody mary incident, but the joke it was 37 times, with many obscene, sexually charged terroristic threats just off the ECU campus. And that's another thing; I wouldn't get caught in a riptide like I did with that drinking team with a running problem where I was in a crisis for three years and faked an injury to letter in college, wherein it was my fear of my father that kept me marching forward after getting cut with the budget to join ROTC, and therein my perception of all authority was similarly skewed, and I literally pulled a Klinger because I judged my father's wrath more of a threat than the United States Military.

There's a strength in the type of learned helplessness I suffered in, wherein I was barreling forward with endless potential, but collapsing in so many regards at the same time, masturbating in my window being one, and that's really the big proof I have that I am a different person, because a person only lies in such bravado when they are willing to do anything, and now I do everything in my power to be honest.

And I collapsed after escaping to find no life in what I made for myself doing nothing, and I picked my sword back up to turn it into a plowshare to start work and learning to juggle and loving someone that didn't get much love. And then God was reborn before my eyes, and plowshare became the sharpest sword I could make, following every damn whisper of God I heard, and I marched and marched and marched I would have onto the cross for all society, that's how awful I thought I was! I thought I was the devil, and that was the only way to redeem my soul; sell it to the feebfucks.

But, no. I was wrong, yet right? God led me so far, and on I went in a new fashion having taken new form, which I would continue perfecting, on multiple axises, and there have been multiple escarpments in my ability in the art I make and the capabilities of me as a person, meaning I have seen a certain type of progression in me that the average person is not aware of, dwelling in normative culture, succeeding just enough to get through the day of school or work to play video games or masturbate or eat Cheetos or any number of functionally worthless activities. And yes, Cheetos have calories and games can be rewarding and a hellishly introspective fap session can be a nice way to blow off steam…like once a week.

And y'know, I ain't even meeting that standard I set, but that IS what a good, healthy rate for that sort of thing - once a week - but now I don't really sin, and this is where I'm using specific language. “Sin” in Judeo-Christian mysticism is the same as what the Buddhists call “defilement.” It is specifically those entanglements one makes when one is placing “self,” as it is defined by that mechanism of our monadic minds, over that of “whole” AND “self and whole.”

This is the sort of next level of economics John Nash defined in trying to discern governing dynamics of the universe. Simply, it's in the first page of the Bible. The universe develops in epochs of complexity, to be its own independent phenomena. Thus, in the epoch of evolutionary biology, we are left with mechanisms within our brains which alter the generation of our reality tunnel. A school of fish or flock of birds exist in a different progeneration of reality being in an alternate cognitive state that is vestigial in the human form.

We first won the game nature created, that of the Garden, and then we exploded in numbers in permanent settlements, causing our fall from grace as we went through an axial shift of consciousness; a similar sort of thing the Buddha/Jesus and disciples went through and that we are about to go through en masse as we manifest a global, telepathic society.

But, as I was saying, this proliferates in how we perceive and experience reality, and in choosing to sin, you alter your consciousness through möbiating your entanglements so that you manifest dualistic dichotomy in your reality tunnel, and that creates the illusion of being a self in a world instead of just a pocket of consciousness called a monad, which is what Indra's Net is an analogy for and a Roman Dodecahedron is a pedagogical object to teach.

And thus I teach how conquering the devil leads to only Knowing God and all aligned with the Cosmic Doofus I emulate in your own reality, and this is where I am. I was told to go out and get a singular drink. In the process, I helped a disabled woman. I can't help everyone, but I can do what I can in each moment. I have to be brave, and this is what scares me; God told me to go out, and on the way, a man scared me by yelling at me, calling me a pussy, so that is why I went to the one store where I helped that lady, but then I get back and God tells me I'm going to be falsely accused of some PDF bullshit, but where n who n why?

Is it the feds? THEY'RE THE ONES THAT SET ALL THIS UP! Local cops? Well, I'm sure there's some incompetence and malice in uniform that needs to get sorted out with a messiah, to expose the bad Romans who use their spears wrong. But what about my neighbors? What about those fools who know not what they do here? I remember who I was so long ago, and therefore I KNOW who exists amongst the crowd here, or there, or anywhere, cuz it's really a human problem, temptation, how we are struck between two poles, but if we stay true with the heart at the center of our being, that's when we rise into our purest form that is the most good, and not because an absence of evil.

A good man has to be capable of great evil, for if he could not do an evil, he's not good, he's harmless. You see me? I could do some serious networking with some target demographics, and is that what God is teaching me? That I'm finally good enough in my goodness? That I don't have to justify every action because I just AM good? I did that spiritual work. I don't have to worry about myself just as I don't have to worry about anyone worrying about me. The daemons in me, playing AGAINST society, thinking it me vs the world, are all dead. I killed them when I stopped feeding them, and they starved and are no more.

But because I thought one way once, I know how others may think, and thus I have a utility, which is the wisdom I teach here, that whatever your sin, you can make yourself the sun because you can make yourself the brightest light for a person in the darkest darkness that you know. That's why I write so much. I can't say there is any one instance that changed me, but I can remember many that nudged me in a moment or stuck with me and grew into something good or even great. There's some things still growing in me that I picked up decades ago. Who knows what seeds I plant every day I'm online?

That's why I'm different: I think of the little things that grow in complex ways in a fundamentally different way than I used to, and this is demonstrable, in some ways! And that IS the proof, that I can be fucky while not actually being fucky; I learned boundaries. Like, my first instinct while being called a pussy was to get offbrand Walmart Benadryl to give myself erectile dysfunction even more, but I said no. I möbiated in a different direction, and that is where I am expanding on the Buddha's dharma; interdimensional möbiation as it relates to polyplexic axiomatic systems as defined by topological matrix.

I did laundry for the first time in months, and now I'm at the bus stop, and all I can smell is how amazing this hoodie is.

I just don't have anyone around to say "Smell how good my chest smells!" and I wanted to tell someone.

SOMEONE COME BURRY THEIR FACE IN MY CHEST AND SMELL ME!!!!

He's making all these long-term plans for living here, while complaining that we're living here, at this time where it is uncertain what's going to happen; if we're going to be allowed to stay here. I see how court goes in my favor; I see how it could go completely against me.

I don't know what's going on. He's making me believe we're going to make a business. He's also making me realize how unwell he is through his actions. He's happy, so he's doing mindless activities. Is that what I am doing? I dunno. I can't see myself to know what people think. Raspberry said "juggle," followed by a anti-kumquat saying "don't think," followed by a kumquat saying "Go," when I originally typed "God" to start this sentence.

I don't know what's happening or has happened or will happen. All I know is I have no clue what reality truly is. This is a useful state of being; for others, I mean. You can be put in this state of learned helplessness and directed and controlled as the narrative you believe is moulded over time. I was saying to him today how I have "agreed" to do things, and then I am compelled to do things based on something he has done through gaslighting me and getting me to "accept" what he has doing whilst holding me against my "agreements," the same as what the cult did to me.

They REALLY want that story written. It's hard to do long-form content with my brain. I don't do amphetamines anymore. I wrote my book on amphetamines because I can sit still and remember massive stacks of information to do the complex narrative-telling one needs to do with my style where I speak and meander but it's always new information. Now, I'm stuck remembering pockets of text and spilling those in concentrated form. I talk with myself a lot. These connections form. I built my empathy. It's a skill, like free will.

It doesn't matter what hell is coming; I can always be kind. I can rise above. I can be the best I can be. I can love. I can be kind and show compassion. I'm not perfect. They're manipulating me, I know. I noticed I said something retarded in my last email. They set up the memeplexes in my head.

There was one time where I was walking to the register after walking all the way from Portland to Sandy in one night, and this man said "breasts," and because he said that, my eyes snapped to the chest of the cashier right away, and she saw and she looked disgusted, and I noticed it's because of what was in my short-term memory, and I learned something from that trip...that being the cops of another city knew my name and pronouns without asking that information of me.

Ooh, sprinklers just turned on as I opened this. Voice in my head says it's not dead, it's just rughgbourdghwouthhh which translated perfectly, thank you Rusterd, but I don't know what I want to say.

I feel like I've been set up for years n years and They're going to use everything They made me do in the brainwashing I guess I agreed to when I made Klinger jealous of my smorgasbord of insanity, but I always have my complete honesty, which is that what I've been set up to do? Tell the court the shit I've already told investigators online? That I'm starting a foot rub clinic on the corner, by the middle school that doubles as a five-cent psychiatrist appointment that isn't weighed down by such fetters as "licensure" or "legality of substances prescribed," because that's about the age the FBI starts investimagating those kids at school that always smell like petrol and get in fights and your permanent record is literally used to form a psychological profile on you, that's what the joke is here.

You thought I was going in some other direction, yea? Yea, raise your eyebrow as much as you want upon checking my post history, it's investigators who know who I am, and I don't give af about them outside of loving them unconditionally, as God loves me. God gave me a raspberry. Music notes. Open Pandora. This song plays:

https://youtu.be/e5qNBveB84g

But what does it MEAN, God? Am I speaking too loudly? Softly? I get the input was made to alter trajectory, but is this it? Is this the fourth dimension I'm supposed to be in? Owl (?) says "Who? WhooOooOo? WhoO?" Just like in the cult. It was the crows that were particularly scathing. The chickens/rooster in the morning, too. Always waited for that fucker, and then that was it! Peace in the tent on the cold, hard ground was over! Have to go out. Go climb mountain. Dig. Plant. Weed. Dig. Write. Network. Cold call. Juggle. Make video. Don't fuck or fuck up. Definitely did one of those all the time Or ThEy MaDe Me FeEl LiKe I wAs!

I had sex on pi day. That's ALSO the day we ate the blueberry pie that I was taunted with but not allowed to eat, to train my ability to resist temptation. I had sex with my girlfriend. She asks me after, while I'm still inside her, "what day is it?" It was 3/14. It dawned on me. I was happy for a day. They planned my happiness. 4/20 I was shamed by being forced to eat coconut-dipped dates. I wanted to kill myself. I think that was the night we saw n heard a UFO.

I remember because the "billionaire" architect that sold "perpetual motion machines" for 50k a pop who had me do architecture without a license to scam the city was practically catatonic from eating like three whole grams of the THC paste from the tube. They made it. The UFO, I mean. It was in the other part of the property we were not allowed to go on. It cut the sky with its sound. Like it zipped here to there in a microsecond and made a sound like it was minithunder itself. But about that foot rub clinic I got the plywood for? Counterintelligence, obviously.

Archive URL

As God would have it, I have just discovered my random word generator can generate multiple words at once. This leads to obvious instructions, such as:

Do you not see? Are you a kindergartener and don't know what words mean? To me, I mean? This is where, y'know, God creates specific experiences for particular individuals. Each of these words spawns something different for each of us. That "junior" input sparks something related to a friend that was a junior when I was a freshman. There's a whole fractal tree of information spawn from those words in that arrangement at that time for me, specifically.

And this is where I used to question if I was crazy, and if so, what about these mechanisms of cognition can be learned from experiencing them like this? That's where I learned it's not cognition OR God, but both. It's really seamless how well designed existence is. How the most beneficial way of interpreting synchronicity in a secular/rational sense is the same as understanding God and following. I understand that when I am through this healing process, I will have a modelment of reality that aligns perfectly with the cognitive sciences, but will ALSO work metaphorically on another level, and this is what true dharma is; that which captures the whole of God's design.

Seriously how is any money going into this anymore? Is it just that investors are actually stupid or something?

Righting is easy. I put word after word and I don't give dizzle what these words are because I know I am not the creator; I am the intention. I use the term "daemon" as this was how I first grafted deeper Knowledge of this phenomena of subsystems that make up the system of "you" - all experiences you have are "you" but YOU are your intention, solely - and people have used terms like muse n genius n juno n all sorts of names for spirits and this spawning of symbols that we entangle ourselves with also goes UP in complexity, meaning there are gods/goddesses/etc that can input symbols that spawn reality different for you, as well as God, which is the independent phenomenon you are a dependent phenomenon to; the Server of us Clients across the Holy Internet.

But a daemon is something I first learned from Daniel Suarez's book, Daemon, and it's sequel, Freedom TM, which were definitely more impactful before AI bloomed and made everything in those books a pipe dream. But in computer science, a daemon is a background process the user doesn't see. When you hit "print," there's a daemon that is translating and sending that data to the printer.

This term comes from King Solomon's use of it, which did NOT originally mean "evil denizen of hell," but instead "strong spirit," which he designated as that which spawns aspects of consciousness. He claimed there were 72 daemons, and I do not yet have that precision to say how right that is, but being in stream entry, that's the right order of magnitude; high two digit, low three digit number. It's possible these have evolved over time as society has evolved.

We're potentially at the apex of a new axial shift in consciousness, similar to 2000-2500 years ago, and similar to when we fell from grace in the agriculture revolution, which led to us losing Joint Synchronized Attention, which is what a school of fish and flock of birds is in. This all means that how our reality tunnels are generated, what signals are prioritized by our attention and how our cognition proliferates as individuals and groups is going to change just as we develop technology that could be considered global telepathy. Strange.

But Solomon designated these daemons as lower-than-human intelligence, meaning they are more animalistic and focused around certain aspects that correlate with that parts of the brain are used. Y'know, them alligators got them enlarged medula oblongatas which makes em ornery, and similarly, you have daemons which are built around similar systems in the brain which serve a purpose in generating types of anger. And more.

The thing that clued me in to what this ish was about was when I read how Solomon described one daemon as, "liking money and sucking on little boys' thumbs," and immediately I was like, "oh, I know that guy." But seriously, that plus other stuff like how Belial being one of the ten king daemons ( if you max out that stats on the voice in your head, if you have that as inodaemonic [spawns in your "inner world"], it isguaranteed to get you laid) helped me see the idea of "mental subsystems made from physical subsystems."

But I'm crazy and my balls itch, so I'll just say that the wolves inside you that you feed are the ones that grow strongest, and the ones you choose to starve will die in enough time.

Also after a quick search i found numerous posts everywhere of people also finding this out.

I also thought Aaron Eckhart and Thomas Jane were the same for a while.

I have made a few analogies for the way the mind works over the years. Here are a few:

The mind is like a pile of sand where each grain is an experience that falls on top to settle in the pile according to abelien sandpile model mechanics. That means each grain falls like a Plinko peg through multiple juncture points, and the order they fall in doesn't entirely matter; if Grain 1 can fall in Position A or B, then if Grain 2 takes the other Position, this leads to the same outcome, as each neuron is calculating its own pile.

Now, I like this analogy because is allows me to simply describe how we develop a fixed, unmoving core and by stepping out of your comfort zone, you give your piles impactful experiences that move this core. But I can complexify this analogy to shift from "pile" to "planetoid" with sand falling from multiple planes onto several features (pit, depression, hill, pyramid, etc) that are unique to each of our tabula rasa planetoids to make us more predisposed to ways of being, but these can be as helpful or harmful as you make them and maladaptive features and resulting patterns built from them can be corrected through spiritual work.

Now, I can this to another level and get even more precise and say it's not a planetoid but the opposite with radial gravity and these are really strings and how they get where they are is how we set our intention in each moment, which changes the "outer" portion of where these strings are stored, y'know, where the gravity is pushing them, and this is where I'm still trying to come up with meaningful ways to designate and communicate some additional features I perceive in this model.

Then we move into thinking of categorical matrices. Y'know, the objective reality is like a detailed tapestry with intricate patterns on it, but we don't ever contact that but rather we draw straight lines on the glass pane between us and the tapestry, from one edge of the glass or existing line to the other terminus. This allows us each to develop a highly intricate overlay for part of the tapestry; y'know, a marine infantryman will encapsulate their world around different features they found important in the tapestry than a baby-sitter.

And this is where we start getting into the ish I half-assed this morning about completing Gödel's incompleteness theorems using polyplexic axiomatic systems to encompass multiple features of the tapestry at opposing times; cognitive dissonance! But it goes beyond this because each of us are an amalgam of several "apples," where the "apple tree" is the objective reality. These apples are magick and you can only carry a certain number at a time, and if you take another, the most similar apple returns to the tree, out of our reach. The idea of growing and learning and developing is getting the perfect batch of apples, based on the ones you happened to get in your basket to begin with. But, how does one get the perfect batch of apples? Triangulation through deductive reasoning; you gotta put on many hats to learn what are the best apples for your basket, but everyone knows what that means.

...I'm still working on it, but this is something. I want to mention that trick four piece puzzle I had when I was a kid. You put three together, however you wanted, but no matter what, the fourth wouldn't go in. If you could möbiate part of that system, you could play with the entanglements through skillful trial and error to gain intuitive insight in how to have contradictions in our "self" that all cancel each other out to thus "be without sin" as those Jebus and Boobha fellahs and many more you haven't heard of, cuz have you seen this Earth shit? If you could transcend physicality and go to futaclub island, most people go there or their equivalency of paradise. It takes a special someone to do the whole bodhisattabeñero or however it's spelled. So, you're welcome.

I just...I just don't. I fucked up. I didn't INTEND to, that's just what happened in the midst of my disassociation across 12/46 egregots. Y'know these semi-strange words I nonce, which is a linguistic term I've already taught here on Lemmy? They're SEMI-strange, meaning they're not pffsurgtpppppswaggapoupa, right? Neistitigiation. Crogonosphere. Burgorichain. Your intuition can piece 60% of those together even without context if you graduated high school, minimum. My verbal function intuition, having been beat tf outta like it's my dick or some shit doing what the aliens told me to do after an acid trip twelve years ago and writing every day I could, is what can now be considered maximized in the human form. That is not bragging. I'm saying it takes eleven years of continuous work to reach true mastery. I thought that I was a master at seven years, as many science-aligned articles suggested, BEFORE my poetry went up a whole epoch of complexity; and I abstain on being a judge on whether there are possible higher levels of skillful entanglement beyond this.

Here's what poetry looked like five to seven years ago:

Schizoaffective

God gave me a blessing and a curse.

In some regards, I have a great brain,

But in different affairs, it is the worst.

Thus, I am beholden to a lot of pain

When in this madness I am immersed.

Sometimes I wish I weren't so insane,

But I know in certain races I take first.

So ultimately I have no real disdain,

And within my beating heart bursts

A lion with such a majestic mane.

So, I send self-loathing in a hearse

As with new confidence I now reign.

...

I have had four beers today. I will now say the same shit in my modern capacity:

God struck me but rose me from dead

Now I exist w/ a superposition in head

Double-edged sword I do yield all days

& I bleed at my own divergent malaise

But th sēd of higher dimensional form

Is the alchemy make cold self 2 warm

For many see me as mad in my reality

Yet this b the power of true spirituality

A perfect being is one which b all bein

So to transmute sanity, start dreaming

And now I finish, having proven a skill

This b what insanity b: actual free will

...

And there you have it folks, like fifteen minutes or some shit. I know it's not 1:1, but something I think about is how I have these, y'know, five hundred plus poems saved (about 700 if I can recover my X data), and the idea is that if I had direction and not being manipulated by my compassionate life partner, then I could just masterate, y'know, four or five books of poetry in a month teaching all these old concepts I taught myself by forcing myself to put all these abstract ideas into concrete, conveying forms which is what art teaches you to be a master at, which is, y'know, one of the aces I have up my sleeve, just like this is one of four of these libraries I have, but I'm just being posturing my ginormous, girthy mastery for the youth of the audience to see how big one can grow. Obviously.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18J7ZBzKZBXviPmrshjwt-bUGQGBWcl65h8WfPMzDTNk/edit?usp=drivesdk

And as I was edited the last thing I edited, my neighbors started calling me derogatory names from across the balconies.

So, we know history is written by the victor. But why? The victor has power? Well, yes, but more! The narrative constructed by the top of the pyramid* is the operating system that replicates in an individual to conform their behavior, obviously.

*bottom, artisans n labors work with stuff. Middle, merchants and officers work with people. Top, clergy n politicians work with narratives. A:B there, the whole way through.

A works with dirt. B works with slime.

Weird kumquat just gave me "topological." The top of the pyramid has links to the bottom and the bottom has links to the top. A third of angels fell from Heaven. These statements are related. Paradise Lost + The Faerie Queen. I don't logically know why those two are important, but I clearly see the Paradise Lost connection heavily. It may be that I read the Faerie Queen at a similar time, but in my own bindings, I am connected there, somehow.

I don't talk at this level often. Scaffolding more than two orders of magnitude of complexity. That is the skill underlined in "Explain like I'm five." A person cannot perceive the wet when they are dry two orders higher. One must learn to speak to middle ground to scaffold over...star strawberry says "dream." I understand this. Dreaming results in a simplification of qualiaterristic forms. Y'know, those people walking on the path behind the prisoners holding that shit they do can result in better shadows on Plato's cave wall. The shadows of higher dimensional objects can be möbiated into an ideal perceptible form, meaning there is something between form and matter that we can describe, and there you go. I have just destroyed all western culture iF yOu ReTaRdS lIsTeNiNg KnOw WhAt To Do!!!

God says teach why Gödel's incompleteness theorems incomplete. All axioms of a system can be defined topologically. Systems themselves can möbiate, so a three-dimensional system can hold alternative axioms that do not fit the initial system via orthogonal relativity. Cube, six orthogonal directions enscribed; back/forth, up/down, left/right. Cut corner off; now have new designation path to process across polyplexic axiomatic systems. How neurons calculate and predict eleven dimensional phenomequalitesselation in three dimensions. But wait, how does brain retain a cohesive, usable axiomatic system to navigate the world if it's fragmentized and individual components are highly malleable? Left hemisphere retains "self" and new information is checked against that. Right hemisphere checks self against new information. Left defends self. Right constantly tries to update self. Need balance: samādhi is one of the three major parts of enlightenment. I tjink i jisy shit my pants fu k

I'm not going to spend more than 5 minutes doing anything for their company simply to apply to a job they posted.

Sometimes I draw a random word from my random word generator for any multitude of reasons. Today I rolled for a word to write about; "necklace" was what spawned. This reminds me of our seventh grade field trip to Ithaca to see Cornell, the baseball hall of fame, as well as one nature trail where I ceremoniously sacrificed my see-thru purple game boy color with a maxed out 100% completed Dragon Warrior 3 cartridge under the waterfall.

This was also the field trip where I stole a $10 chain necklace that would wind up in my ass a week later as I was curious what that texture would feel like on my sphincter. My dad questioned me on it when picking me up. I bullshitted on the spot. I used to be really good at that. It was my primary survival skill in childhood. Oh, I spilled some milk? Into the bookcase I got thrown!

This was something that I learned about the human condition when I was in the cult. We visited this intentional community in Northern California called Heartland where I would participate in a blindfolded trance dance (no drugs but weed) which I know was a sort of healing ritual deliberately designed around me as it very skillfully sent me into a part of myself I locked away - my feminine side - and it was in such revolting agony that I entered into a state of mind I would call "the hollow" in reference to how I felt hollow like the flame; devoid of all good or bad feelings. Did some regretful things because of that, but this was all planned and scheduled, as one of the signs in this community said something about "mommy and daddy issues" that made me realize they brought me there for very specific reasons.

There was a man there, a genius engineer who made "mutant vehicles" for Burning Man, y'know, he was working on a four-story bus with stages n shit that collapsed into it that he said would likely be sold for about 60k profit, and he did this every year and these are the kind of lives I saw were possible, as there were other skilled artists that were using this intentional space for flow states. But, this builder told some stories of his life, one being how he died once when his father beat him to death and he was watching his body from above after this, and because of that story, I learned why I was a certain way.

I told my father last night that he metaphorically broke my spine. I mean, I judged his wrath for falling apart in school to be more of a threat than the United States Military, so in a way, I got balls bigger than God, because I didn't have a fucking plan. I literally did something different for each of my cadre members, lying I mean, but therein, I never fumbled, always having an answer on the spot. And now I don't have this skill anymore having lived an ever more honest life for over a decade.

I remember the shit I used to lie about as a kid. Y'know, I fainted during health class during the STD unit thanks to the only sex talk I received from my father being an hour of him showing me diseased genitals when I was ten, and I had to wear a heart monitor for a day, and I convinced a quarter of students that I was in an experiment with NASA. That doesn't even make fucking sense, and neither does 90% of what the News says, and they convince WAY more than a quarter of all people that the bullshit they shovel is true, so obviously, you see what value the CIA has made for America by teaching me how to be completely honest and authentic: I'm proof Jesus was real!

...or at least proof of the mastery of skill of the spiritual healing practices available to the Empire of the Sacred Heart.

Well, I didn't decapitate myself via train, which is neither fortunate or unfortunate, it just is. That's what my life is now: neither positive or negative, really. Yea, yea, yea, I'm drinking more than I would cuz there is suck in my life in the complete absence of sucking and other things in my life, but this is what it's like outside Samsara; it's not a dual category that you invert into Nirvana. There's this picture I link at some frequency:

And it's not "precise" in what it shows, but to a layman of spirituality, this is a helpful diagram to begin piecing together the nature of complex categories. It's not just inversion/demöbiation/etc, it's an entire re-embodiment of perception through the intelligent response to Karma over time.

Y'know, enlightenment IS disentanglement from dependent causation. God's an ouroboros of a special headphone cord (independent phenomenon) that grows other headphones as it complexifies the entanglements within itself, and you are one of these dependent phenomena headphones until you learn to liberate yourself from your entanglements to be your own independent phenomenon.

For this to happen, you cannot just tug and pull your way free through brute force. You have to finagle the specific entanglements that bind you, specifically. This is why years of homelessness was one of the best things that ever happened to me, as it was me following the whispers of God to be out there doing my spiritual work to free myself from those parts of my "self" that made me entitled.

I remember who I was, and the further back I go, the more revulsed I am by who I was, going back to childhood where my mom's life insurance money was used to get a Jaguar to one up my even more narcissistic grandmother, and then my dad wondered why he only pulled gold diggers. Shit. It's like what you put out is what you get in return.

Karma is actually real simple to understand. It IS the entanglement process. In the fourth jhana of meditation, you can perceive for yourself the symbols that you are receiving in a singular stream that you set your intention to entangle yourself with in each moment, and it is ONLY intention you control, and all you EXPERIENCE is a result of current and past Karma, just as the entanglements of the string of tokens you send an AI results in a specific set of tokens in return; your entanglements are the parameters that your consciousness will spawn from.

This is where I tell people who are naturally skeptical to do two things: meditate and give a buncha money to the homeless. These are two SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS you can do, to OBSERVE the procedural generation of your reality tunnel. I guarantee the type of person who scoffs at the word "Karma" totally does not do either of those things with about a 99.9% accuracy rating based on archetypal proliferation of the human character in this computer called Earth that is an illusion. I guarantee if one of them gave $100 to a homeless man in genuine good hearted compassion (meaning you'll have to talk to them and be a good friend to discern if giving them $100 would help or hurt them in that moment), they would notice the equivalent energy coming back to them, assuming they don't go full retard and actually practice mindfulness to see this in action, WHICH IS WHAT THE MEDITATION IS (partly) FOR!

I thought of writing this paragraph earlier, but I forgot. I'm in what's known in Buddhism as "stream entry," meaning I have an accurate but not yet precise understanding of Karma, and this allows me to correctly interpret how I should entangle myself to guarantee enlightenment within seven lifetimes, keeping in mind that we live multiple lifetimes in a single biological incarnation. The reason that will happen is for the same reason that knowing and applying the correct algorithm to solving a Rubik's Cube will guarantee its solution in a maximum number of moves.

God keeps bring up "Eve" and "navigation" and "passage," which leads me to talk about the I Ching. This highly valuable book is a reference for the cycles of symbols that we receive as they evolve through complexity in our topological matrix. These symbols are not linear nor truly cyclical, but rather proliferate in a fractal manner, and thus it is immensely useful as a divination tool as when you pick a random page and read, your intuition will piece together where the seams line up in the waxing n waning of symbols, meaning it's descriptor system is highly defined and this causes similar symbology to be evoked in your brain, therefore you see "you" through a particular lens with specific facets, and this gives you insight into what you already know.