Or you could eat whatever you want and then teleport it out of you. No more fatties -- unless they like that shit.

Makes me question the food.

How dare you? I'm sure the food is the finest Sysco has to offer.

Lol that's still genuinely disturbing the more you look at those pictures. The bacon ripples are hilariously regular and the french toast looks like slices of alien skin. And check out the cucumbers and tomatoes in the salad.

he threw his friend under the bus rather than stand up and use the power he has

Incoming: Ed Sheeran and Jack Black duet.

when I tell them they thank me for my time and keep doing it

I remember one of my first programming jobs in the mid-90s for an internet startup. I was the sole developer and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but I was treated like a rock star and thought of myself as one. My bosses called in a high-priced consultant to review my (Visual Basic) code and I still remember his report vividly. He ripped me a new one and I was highly offended and justified everything I had been doing to my bosses and they agreed with me and never talked to the consultant again. I'd like to find that guy again and say "yeah, you were spot on" but he was in his 50s at the time and this was 30 years ago, so I assume he's dead. One of the fortunate ones who never had to deal with AI, just with shitty noob programmers.

I had a coworker once who had come to our C# project from the Java world. Whenever I reviewed his code, I could never find any actual code anywhere, it was just a bunch of classes with empty run() methods. But everything he wrote functioned perfectly, so I dunno. It's the closest I've ever come to feeling like I was being visited by a superior extra-dimensional being.

Why is our power source named "the demon core"?

At my first professional programming job workspace was tight so I was given a desk in the server room. This room was kept at 59°F because mainframes that the company didn't even have any more required it. It sucked -- I had to wear fingerless Oliver Twist gloves all day. I blame the cold for my executing a DELETE query without a WHERE clause on the production database. "Why is this taking so long?" I muttered through blue lips.

Damn, I thought country music had already reached the bottom.

It has its nose stuck between Robert Kraft's butt cheeks.

Counterpoint: I'm the firestarter. Twisted firestarter.

I always thought those two songs would make a great mashup.

I read that username as "msrachelfortitties".