when I tell them they thank me for my time and keep doing it

I remember one of my first programming jobs in the mid-90s for an internet startup. I was the sole developer and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but I was treated like a rock star and thought of myself as one. My bosses called in a high-priced consultant to review my (Visual Basic) code and I still remember his report vividly. He ripped me a new one and I was highly offended and justified everything I had been doing to my bosses and they agreed with me and never talked to the consultant again. I'd like to find that guy again and say "yeah, you were spot on" but he was in his 50s at the time and this was 30 years ago, so I assume he's dead. One of the fortunate ones who never had to deal with AI, just with shitty noob programmers.

I had a coworker once who had come to our C# project from the Java world. Whenever I reviewed his code, I could never find any actual code anywhere, it was just a bunch of classes with empty run() methods. But everything he wrote functioned perfectly, so I dunno. It's the closest I've ever come to feeling like I was being visited by a superior extra-dimensional being.

Why is our power source named "the demon core"?

At my first professional programming job workspace was tight so I was given a desk in the server room. This room was kept at 59°F because mainframes that the company didn't even have any more required it. It sucked -- I had to wear fingerless Oliver Twist gloves all day. I blame the cold for my executing a DELETE query without a WHERE clause on the production database. "Why is this taking so long?" I muttered through blue lips.

Damn, I thought country music had already reached the bottom.

It has its nose stuck between Robert Kraft's butt cheeks.

Counterpoint: I'm the firestarter. Twisted firestarter.

I always thought those two songs would make a great mashup.

I read that username as "msrachelfortitties".

There is no brown person in America that thinks themselves white

My two cousins are half-Thai but thanks to the genetic dice they both look vaguely central american. They got abused quite a bit growing up both for being asian and for being "mexican". This taught them empathy for others who ... lol just kidding. They're both trump-loving white supremacists who rant against immigrants despite their own mother being an immigrant from Thailand.

I get at least one call a day from people offering cash for my house. You've given me a good idea for a response: "I'd like to sell, but I'm actually dead."

The electrical… Ugh

My house came with a 100A box with six breakers, all unlabeled. One of them did nothing at all when I flipped it, another produced a loud humming for three or four seconds before tripping off. I still don't know what the humming was but when I rebuilt one of the walls I found a big scorch mark on the stud next to one of the outlet boxes so I suspect that was involved. The one that did nothing it turns out was connected to an MC cable that had simply been sawed off clean -- not even some electrical tape wrapped around the cut end -- and jammed down into the framing completely live. At least I was able to repurpose that one into a circuit with receptacles and lights in the attic.

I'm normally an UTZ rippled chips guy but I tried those kettle chips a couple of weeks ago. They were ass. I dunno, maybe I got a stale batch or something.