That's what options are for!

I actually wonder if there’s a person to trace the look back to

Not a person, exactly.

"I'm gonna give you somethin' you can't take off."

donating over 6 billion dollars to fund investment accounts for at least 25 million children

$250 per child? Like, a week of daycare? Oh, investment accounts ... so two weeks of daycare in twenty years. Unless it's invested in AI, in which case zero weeks of daycare.

"It's cool, we're just here for the skittles. You can have all the reese's peanut butter cups."

Republicans really amped up the douchebaggery in the 1960s and they have only gotten progressively (pun intended) worse since then.

You're describing The Daily Show (and its various offshoots) which, while wonderful, have not fixed the country for the last 30 years.

I have a feeling that's how his oncologist treated him, too. "Well, you could just eat a lot of fruit instead."

Some school districts will train you for the CDL, and some even pay you while you're training (mine didn't at the time). My training didn't take very long because I already owned a used school bus and knew how to drive it, at least. You have to take four standardized tests (general CDL, airbrakes, passenger endorsement and school bus endorsement), have a driving exam, and take a 14-hour special school bus class (this is all in PA, at least). The standardized tests aren't super-difficult, but you do have to actually know the shit, you can't guess your way through it and hope to get a passing grade. I just crammed the free online tests over and over until I was getting 100% on them. I think it was maybe a month and a half between when I started my training and my first day on the job, but that was with not doing a whole lot each day. My district was (and still is) a weird combination of desperate need for drivers with a frustratingly slow pace of actually training people.

I have a class C. I wouldn't bother with a class B unless I actually needed it.

"I wish I could lick my own balls like Bob can."

My house had no insulation anywhere, just walls made of cinderblock filled with concrete and a basement. Ceiling was just plaster tiles (a weird old 1940s system that was intermediate between lath-and-plaster and sheetrock) with no insulation in the attic floor at all except for faint traces of what I assume was asbestos. I've spent the last two weeks putting in R19 fiberglass batts and decking the attic, absolute murder on my knees since the peak of the roof is only 5' tall. My heating bills have actually not been too terrible up to this point since the house is so small (650 sq. ft.), but I'm assuming that having at least the ceiling decently insulated will make a significant difference this winter.

My house originally had only this little sliding panel between two joists, so the opening was like 24" x 15". Just the most insanely claustrophobic experience I've ever had in a house. One of the first things I did on the house was to install a dropdown folding ladder access hatch -- still blows my mind that the thing cost only $109. Found a hat up there that one of the builders must have lost when the house was intially constructed in 1942.