[-] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Most of these are good, just for different things. I want waffle fries at the bar; I want shoestring fries at the burger place; I want wedges at the cafe on the corner.

Except the zigzags. I don't think I've ever had a good zigzag.

[-] [email protected] 68 points 1 week ago

It's not disrespectful to look, and that's all we can see these people doing from these two frames. Hell, it's just about involuntary to take a glance.

It would be disrespectful to stare or make comments/rude gestures, but I doubt that's what's happening here.

[-] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago

The answer is batteries. And dismantling capitalism, but batteries first

[-] [email protected] 38 points 6 months ago

What is even happening anymore?

[-] [email protected] 64 points 7 months ago

Humanity is now cursed with knowing every bit of horror that happens all around the globe. 200 years ago you might only find out about atrocities months or years after they happened, if at all. It was much clearer then that there was literally nothing you could do about them. Nowadays if you want to throw your life away you can just buy a plane ticket to Ukraine. So now we're being much more regularly faced with terrible things we're not prepared to deal with happening somewhere.

And the truth is still that there is not really anything significant we can do. If it was happening in our backyard we might fight, but there's only so many backyards and only so much room for foolishly selfless people to lay down their lives.

The weirdness you're feeling is not a moral failing, but rather the strangeness of a world we're not built for. As much as I and you might feel for any given fight or issue, the 99% of them are not our business, and it's not morally expected of us to get involved. Lots of religions and moral frameworks and feelings say otherwise. Forget them.

[-] [email protected] 64 points 7 months ago

First, 100% a red flag. Even if they wanted to give some sort of "I trust you with my life" sort of video, there's a bunch of better ways to do it. Going for a racist rant makes me think that they're a racist.

Secondly, this is deeply submissive - they're giving you the power to ruin their life. If you want to do that sort of stuff as a couple you should really talk about it first and be on board with receiving that sort of power and responsibility. Entirely possible+reasonable for the receiver to find this shitty because they don't want to make a choice like this, especially if these are truly held beliefs.

The healthy response to this is to send them to a therapist. And definitely dump them if they're actually racist.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 7 months ago

That's way too wordy.

Go make the dunk. Give her a moment of disappointment, then come back and say. "I don't miss dunks, or dates. How about [local restaurant] at 6?"

Then you 1. Don't miss a dunk in front of the boys and show your principles. 2. Get the date. 3. Let her save face - you're not going on a date with her because you lost a bet, but rather because you like her.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 8 months ago

Could also be called homo or phobe

[-] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago

Much of the advice in this thread is either "Do xyz and you'll have better chances!" or "It's ok to be unattractive, it doesn't mean you're bad! Feel better!". But that doesn't answer your question.

It hurts, a lot, to not have intimacy for extended periods. It can burn, it can ache, and it can be a slow, subtle sort of pain. It can give rise to bitterness, as you call out, and to anger, sadness, listlessness, frustration.

Why don't you want to be bitter? It's a painful thing that is happening to you. That feeling isn't wrong, it's telling you something. If you feel a lot of pain and then suddenly stop feeling pain, that is very bad - it usually means you're dying or your nerves are damaged. There's no quick fix or silver bullet that will allow you to hold this like an old stoic, it's just a lot of work.

There's three places you can intervene: thoughts, words, and actions.

Thoughts are where this starts. If you don't have bitter thoughts you won't have bitter speech or actions. When you have bitter thoughts, just let them be. Don't spiral - feeling bitter about intimacy isn't great, but feeling bad about feeling bitter strengthens both, and it feeds itself from there. When you notice yourself spiraling or wallowing, just stop. Find a distraction or will yourself better or whatever, just don't let it feed itself. Meditation might help if this mental action is difficult. If you can find a positive channel for these emotions (which is quite hard to find), use it!

Speech is the first layer where this can affect others, but it's significantly lower stakes than actions. Generally, be conscientious. People can't willingly un-know things so be careful with what you share. Don't vent unless someone willingly signs up for it (which you can ask friends to do!). Don't put this out like it's a problem for someone else to fix or the worst thing that ever happened. It sucks, but it is manageable - you are managing it. When you make mistakes, point and call them. Say out loud "I did/said xyz, that was a mistake because abc, sorry, next time I'll do/say mno instead." This helps make a memory for you and others so you actually fix things and opens the door for feedback.

Actions will hopefully only come into this positively. Do the things that make good thoughts and speech easier. Learn to recognize how frustration and anger and bitterness feel in your body so that you can better notice+control them in the moment, and so that you can physically release that tension/sensation. If you feel urges to hurt others or yourself seek therapy.

It sucks. It hurts a lot in ways that many don't understand or sympathize with. And it is itself a significant barrier to intimacy. I haven't figured it all out myself, but I hope this helps. Good luck.

[-] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago

I missed my flight FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE!

[-] [email protected] 101 points 2 years ago

Takkyubin.

If you have a large suitcase or other parcel it may be unwieldy to walk around Tokyo or another city with it. Subways only allow one suitcase of a certain size, so you might have to take a much more expensive taxi.

Instead you can go to a desk at the airport and have your luggage delivered same day or next day to ~any hotel, subway station, or convenience store. It will be insured and kept safe for you there to pick up. And at the end of your trip, you can send it back. The price for this convenience? Around $10.

This is not only a good demonstration of Japanese trust and customer service, it's also a legitimately hard logistics problem. I daresay that such a business could not succeed in the US both because of our defensiveness and sprawling cities.

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Atlas_

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