223
being a soldier
(thelemmy.club)
Leave it to America to invent the adult child soldier
Adult child soldier with a wife, no less. How does this even happen?
Dependent benefits
When I die I hope they do this for me but list the companies I hated the most.
Here lies ashenon; passionate hater of Google, Raytheon, and Nestle. He was a top % .5 shoplifter at Walmart. He seeded many petabytes of copywrited media over his lifetime.
I feel it's very important that everyone knows this little snippet is from the statement his fiancee gave to The Guardian. His fiancee put product placements in her emotional statement about his death.
I would probably say that is representative of how shallow he must've been as a person that even the closest people to him only knew him via the products he liked to use.
But also, it could be a product placement. If a military widow gets offered a bunch of money to say "He just loved the taste of Mountain Dew Baja Blast^TM^ and would love nothing more than to see as many Americans as possible enjoy that sweet, thirst quenching flavor." I say she should do it, it's funny as hell.
His fiancee used chatgpt or some other llm for it, too. Ah, young love.
I wonder if it was sponsored. If you're good at something, never do it for free.
For some reason, this in particular is really making me lose my mind. The idea of product placements in eulogies is very much "nothing is sacred, we are so so cooked" territory. Not that I care about this pig soldier but the idea is just so perverse.
This funeral is sponsored by proton vpn
I'm going to start a new bereavement-wellness venture, "Lookback". It'll connect grieving families with business partners who can organically insert product placements into obituaries using the power of LLMs!
You joke but some scraper bot will pick this up and someone out there will run with it.
Why can't I run it? Seems like the bottom of the barrel shamelessness that troops deserve.
being American is having 100% overlap between your personality and your online marketing profile
The Iranians say the only heroes amerikkkans have are Spiderman and SpongeBob. I bet they feel so owned now that they know that roster includes Ted Lasso!
SpongeBob and Ted Lasso are good shows, Spider-Man is hit or miss
ted lasso got old about 1/2 through the first season.. was pretty hard to take much more than that
He liked Lego, and now he's been shattered into a million little pieces.
getting blown up by that iranian missile almost hurt as bad as stepping barefoot on a lego
Iran will have to make another AI slop LEGO video dabbing on him.
Literally the most moral use of AI
He liked LEGO™ and Unleash the Beast! Monster Energy™ he was just like meeeee.
It's propaganda to make them more relateable to the average american who probably wouldn't have any emotional response to that warrior shit.
This just reminds me of that movie Enemy Mine where humans are fighting a war with lizard aliens, but when a human dies they just jettison their body out the ship with maybe a couple of prerecorded religious songs, but the lizard people have this ancient tradition of recording all of their passed kin in metal tomes to make sure history remembers their sacrifice.
damn I don't even remember that part, time for a re-watch
Yeah the movie literally ends with the guy becoming the first human to get his name added to the tomes.
Empty vapid life, empty vapid death.
i've been calling gamer supps gooner fuel, am I the only one
I don't even know what a gamer supp is nor do I want to know.
Energy drink powder. It's actually really good, and some of the flavors don't have mostly naked anime women on the containers.
It's actually really good
it's aight but they also use sucralose as a sweetener which, according to shit my dad sent me when my mom got cancer, fucks up your gut microbiome
My understanding is it only fucks up your gut biome if you use it to replace sugar in your diet entirely. If you have more than a couple of tablespoons of this stuff in a day your heart will probably explode, so unless you're combining this with diet soda and sucralose instead of sugar in the rest of your foods, most people should be fine.
For a second i thought you were saying sucralose could make my heart explode lol
This is gamer supps
(Actually just one flavour)
ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.
it was really funny seeing my partner who has absolutely no interest in big tittied anime waifus buy a bunch of this
I read the label and although I now now who's buying it I still don't know what it is.
It's a sugar free caffeine and vitamin C powder that's basically aiming to supplant Mt Dew or Monster or whatever gamers drank.
well you can't accuse them of not knowing their audience
Food supplement with sweeteners
These are words that are usually present on products you buy at Tractor Supply
It sounds like a "hangover cure" that my friend from uni swore by, which is Equal (Australian Sweet & Low), a caffeine pill or 2 (so 1-200mg caffeine) and a berocca (vitamin C and B tablet).
Except those things were either taken alongside or dissolved into a Gatorade.
One time my buddy made a hangover cure that was just Mountain Dew poured onto a slurry made of hot sauce and two crushed Advil tablets
I just ate a couple of fried eggs on toast and was fine, though I also am one of those weirdos who drinks water when I have liquor, so that probably helped too
Yeah, I can't speak as to whether or not it actually worked, but it sounds good in theory. Artificial sweetener to make it more palatable, electrolytes in Gatorade, vitamin C and caffeine shouldn't hurt.
I tend to drink straight spirits out of the bottle then scull like a pint of water, so I generally don't get hangovers.
wow
There's actually a rival brand called GFuel, short for Gamer Fuel as they do brand collaborations with different video games (I have Sonic and Mega Man cups from them, don't @ me)
Not to mention 4 or 5 other energy powders marketed towards gamers and the endless parade of pre-workouts and regular carbonated energy drinks
but we can tell everyone that GFuel truly is Gooner Fuel
but we can tell everyone that GFuel truly is Gooner Fuel
but is it as good fuel for gooning as gamer supps? I haven't tested it out
Fully expected a line about how this obituary was brought to you by Raid: Shadow Legends™. Right now for a limited time offer you can spend your HormuzBux™ on Collectable Iran ~War~ Military Action themed Skins! Choose from Atomized Troop™, Training Accident Troop™, and the Ultra-Rare Golden Kharg Island Shaheed Target Troop™! Act now and receive a bonus gift of Ghost of Kuwait boost that grants XP for every friendly fire incident you participate in!
i get the lego and the falcons stuff, those were the jackboot's hobby and sports team, that's fairly normal
but fucking soap? SOAP??
i don't know about the dead fascist but i don't have particularly strong feelings about the soap i use and would be fucking pissed (if i wasn't dead) if my choice of detergent made it into my obituary
this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2026
223 points (100.0% liked)
memes
23868 readers
346 users here now
dank memes
Rules:
-
All posts must be memes and follow a general meme setup.
-
No unedited webcomics.
-
Someone saying something funny or cringe on twitter/tumblr/reddit/etc. is not a meme. Post that stuff in /c/slop
-
Va*sh posting is haram and will be removed.
-
Follow the code of conduct.
-
Tag OC at the end of your title and we'll probably pin it for a while if we see it.
-
Recent reposts might be removed.
-
No anti-natalism memes. See: Eco-fascism Primer
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS