161
the phantom (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 day ago by Tervell@hexbear.net to c/memes@hexbear.net
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[-] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 49 points 1 day ago

"phantom shitter" seems to be a phenomenon in many eras. a relative told me that during his navy stint, there was a "phantom shitter" that would drop a deuce in the unattended empty shoe of shipmates. don't leave your shoes out and check em before you slide your foot in, i guess.

this would have been the 70s.

it sounds outrageous to me, but maybe a bit chill compared to the epidemic of violent murders, dismemberments and sexual assaults that also goes on.

out of the cohort of people i went to high school with who joined up, 0% said they liked their time in. i knew a legacy guy who joined and swore up and down he was going career like his father. got a bunch of tats about it. bounced after 4 years because "it fucking sucks."

[-] MoonMelon@lemmy.ml 30 points 1 day ago

My dad's ship had a phantom shitter too. This was a destroyer, also in the 70s. They were denied shore leave at one point and the phantom shitter shit in the skipper's bunk.

I can't imagine the cajones.

[-] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago

lmao, imagine keeping that a secret forever. what a fucking maniac. bravest troop.

[-] batsforpeace@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago

keeping leadership accountable

[-] Carl@hexbear.net 29 points 1 day ago

Something like 70% of military members only do one contract. Part of that has to do with it sucking at a fundamental level, but undoubtedly culture and objectives play a role in it too. Junior servicemembers are treated like shit by the institution as a matter of course, and they try to gaslight you about it being good training or whatever but it's not it's just bullshit.

And then you get out and learn that all the shit they said about people wanting to hire veterans was bullshit too. Enjoy checking that box on every job application forever and it not making any difference.

A lot of it has to do with poverty as well. My dad did +20 years and was about as senior of an NCO you could be. He hated his entire time in the military, but just slightly less than being a dirt farmer in Ohio.

Most of the senior NCO families I got to know were from pretty poor upbringing, they knew that they wouldn't ever be able to retire without finishing their 20 years.

Enjoy checking that box on every job application forever and it not making any difference.

Yep, the only thing it actually helps with is federal employment if you can find it.

[-] lurker_supreme@hexbear.net 31 points 1 day ago

who are these people? there was a shartist at my office job like 10 years ago, always left the mess next to the toilet instead of in it.

these must be the people that control society from the shadows, a secret cabal of people who put dookie where it doesnt belong

In the early 00s I worked at a small movie theater where someone shit in one of the urinals on a Saturday night. Which was fairly impressive considering that we only had one men's bathroom and there were almost always multiple people using it at any given time.

The going theory was that the manager had shit in a bag and then dumped it in the urinal. He tried to get someone to clean it out, but I told him he was insane if he thought anyone was going to handle human waste for 4.75 an hour.

[-] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago

there was a "shit bandit" at some game dev companies in the 2010s, leaving poop in the hallway floor.

[-] whisp@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago

I’ve heard this one before. The phantom shitter is a classic!

[-] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 28 points 1 day ago

Ahem

Poop deck

[-] batsforpeace@hexbear.net 30 points 1 day ago

feel good dispatches from the empire

[-] robot_dog_with_gun@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

support the poops

[-] nednobbins@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 day ago

Does this still happen?

You can get DNA tests for under $100 these days. A commander could test everyone on a ship for a few grand. If the Navy has people's DNA on file, it would be even easier.

[-] MeowZedong@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 1 day ago

If this is a carrier, you are looking at thousands of DNA tests and probably closer to $40,000 dropped to maybe find a match.

[-] nednobbins@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

If it's a carrier it may cost closer to half a million. But that's a drop in the bucket compared to the insane operating expenses of a carrier.

It's also worth it to catch someone who's risking the health of an entire carrier.

[-] MeowZedong@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Indeed. Fixed my maths error!

[-] lurker_supreme@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago

theres probably no way to get a non-contaminated sample of dna from literal shit. i am just talking out of my ass though, i'm not a scatologist

[-] nednobbins@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 day ago

Why not? It doesn't need to be clean, just unique to the individual.

[-] lurker_supreme@hexbear.net 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

theres a trillion bacteria in there, how would you separate the human dna from the bacteria dna

e: it turns out you can get dna from poop, at least from what I saw from googling. crazy stuff

[-] nednobbins@lemmy.zip 2 points 11 hours ago

I think there are at least two basic techniques. You can isolate the human DNA and that will generally be isolated to a single person (ignoring amorous encounters). Or you could profile the entire gut biom.

[-] MeetMeAtTheMovies@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

We have a little fun here

[-] Athena5898@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2026
161 points (100.0% liked)

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