137
Only 800 million? Rejected (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 61 points 2 years ago

I'm lucky enough to have stuck with the same employer for almost a decade. Reading the non-insane fragments of resume made my skin crawl. I hate it. I hate everything about how self-aggrandizing you have to be, I hate the phraseology, everything about this is antethical to the way humans communicate. Also this MF listed "avid skier" as if a hiring manager would give a fuck lmao

[-] [email protected] 42 points 2 years ago

Surprisingly ChatGPT is great at making a resume sound better if you give it specific commands. It's great at the corporate speak and self-aggrandizing shit that I cringe too hard to properly write.

[-] [email protected] 44 points 2 years ago

Oh absolutely! My girlfriend and some friends have done that. It's awesome at generating corpo-speak. And of course the hiring manager will feed all of the AI generated resumes into an AI which will scan them to determine the best candidates. We will achieve AI to AI communication, and everything will be utterly distinct from the actual needs of the position. It will be pure HR lingo, iterating on itself forever

[-] [email protected] 25 points 2 years ago

The digital version of Dildos fucking Fleshlights.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 2 years ago

Actually this can be very good. The AI-AI step cancels the corpo-speak. The candidate just sends bullet points with actual data and the AI decides what to do. Nobody ever sees those inflated CVs.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

You make a good point there. My concern would be that HR departments would still need reasons to filter people out, so their approval processes would become so inscrutable and obscure that you would be forced to rely on the resume-generating AI to spit out the correct text to satisfy that resume-reading AI. Kind of like the degradation of the Imperial Chinese civil exams.

[-] [email protected] 33 points 2 years ago

"Avid Skier" is code for "I come from money"

[-] [email protected] 18 points 2 years ago

listed "avid skier" as if a hiring manager would give a fuck lmao

we once hired a Frenchman whose resume read:

PERSONAL
Sport (Basketball for 10 years), Reading (mainly French literature), Piano (started to impress a girl, now I’m pretty good)

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

dudes rock

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It makes it nigh impossible for people with low self-esteem to get work---regardless of talent.

[-] [email protected] 48 points 2 years ago

Men will literally put their sperm count on their resume rather than go to therapy.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

bougie-wink I only hire breedable pedigree legacies and their nepo-kin.

[-] [email protected] 36 points 2 years ago

shit, i'm getting hung up on the

  • Designed a model to optimize classroom scheduling for an education operator with 42 [obscured] utilization by 10%

is he really bragging about how to fit 42 students in a classroom? or is it worse, somehow?

[-] [email protected] 29 points 2 years ago

"Education operator"

[-] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago

I hate the antichrist

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Jim from The Office as [Tier 1 Education Operator] Lieutenant Dodgeson "Freedom" Nebraska in 1 Hour 14 Minutes: The Secret Soldiers of Uvalde

frothingfash "Wait, i gotta take all this tac gear off and make a poopie."

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

What's wrong with "professional educator? "

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago

'Professional educator' isn't really a problem, although it's just a longer businessified 'professor' or ' teacher'

But 'educational operator' is another one of those signifiers of the breakdown of the world into 'consultants', 'managers', 'engineers' and 'operators'. Where consultants give ideas to managers for engineers to design which are then used by operators. Which creates a hell of a lot of distinctions where there is generally more overlap.

Hell, saying they worked on 'improvement of communication technologies for teaching' is better because it is more distinct and less technocratic.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

technically, or at least historically, a "professional" has received accreditation / license from a body developed by and for those belonging to a profession, which typically has requirements of "continuing education" to maintain that license as well as some other rules and duties that, if broken, can result in the revoking of the license. doctors, lawyers, teachers, engineers etc.

this resume reads like some douche with an MBA from wherever the fuck, which is basically some accounting classes and some ideological priming before being sent out to work at Kinsey or for someone's dad, where they never have to take a test ever again and are subject to nothing.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

that sounds about right, yeah. I mean even when I was in school it was edging up into the 30s, at a pretty decent school.

But the bit about utilization and scheduling makes me think it's also probably about scheduling things so that they can hot-desk all the teachers around and decrease their prep time by 10% (aka "increasing utilization" because these ghouls think teachers are only doing anything when they're physically in front of children). Or it could be something about the hot-desk arrangement where they're increasing the utilization of the available classrooms by 10%.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

I don't think the next letter is "s" (I think it's a small letter with a straight line on the left side like m, n, p, or r), so it isn't "42 students," and I think an "education operator" is probably a company that runs a private school (or chain of private schools) or something. 42 rooms, maybe?

[-] [email protected] 20 points 2 years ago

this is a parody account (not that you can tell these days)

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Damn

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

I'd bet money this has actually happened at least once tho. At least something similar has.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Now I know why my résumés keep getting rejected!

[-] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago

Only 800 million? That's not even a quickie.

[-] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago

When guys try to take the manosphere offline

[-] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

But is the sprm vaxxed or unvaxxed?

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

That's it, I'm going back in time to [redacted] everyone involved in the creation of the American Psycho movie.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Just show them this and they'll probably redact themselves.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Show up butt-ass naked in the past, Terminator style

"So, you see, in the future there's this thing called Twitter and..."

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Ok what if they started doing sperm races like they make an obstacle course for the sperms and then the one who gets the job is the one whose sperm completes the rat maze first. ✅ Sexist ✅Transphobic ✅ Petty and bizarre ✅The monkey NFT people need something new to occupy their time ✅High barrier to entry because you need sperm performance enhancing drugs AND drugs to hide your sperm performance enhancing drugs ✅High potential for workplace harassment ✅Gives CEO's a chance to wank as a tax write-off ✅"Yes of course I'm working honey, I'm preparing my resume" ✅Weird "genetic superiority" complex accessible ✅Supports return-to-office corporate real estate investments because you can't race sperms over zoom ✅A sperm race in a rat maze, they can call it the Rat Race ™️

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

What this company needs most is someone who can produce thick, dense loads to do sales.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

I have never seen anyone other than road cyclists care about VO2Max, who else is out there?

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Skiers?

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Critical çare physicians, anesthesiologists

Lol

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

lmao but yeah

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

in case your employer is mr. burns

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2023
137 points (100.0% liked)

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