this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
184 points (100.0% liked)

the_dunk_tank

15918 readers
5 users here now

It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

Rule 1: All posts must include links to the subject matter, and no identifying information should be redacted.

Rule 2: If your source is a reactionary website, please use archive.is instead of linking directly.

Rule 3: No sectarianism.

Rule 4: TERF/SWERFs Not Welcome

Rule 5: No ableism of any kind (that includes stuff like libt*rd)

Rule 6: Do not post fellow hexbears.

Rule 7: Do not individually target other instances' admins or moderators.

Rule 8: The subject of a post cannot be low hanging fruit, that is comments/posts made by a private person that have low amount of upvotes/likes/views. Comments/Posts made on other instances that are accessible from hexbear are an exception to this. Posts that do not meet this requirement can be posted to [email protected]

Rule 9: if you post ironic rage bait im going to make a personal visit to your house to make sure you never make this mistake again

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

stalin-point

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Remember, George Washington's false teeth weren't wooden, they were looted from dead slave's bodies.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago

Also, fun fact: James Madison (who was the fourth president and wrote the American Constitution) had a black son who he owned as a slave, and who was the result of him raping his own half-black sister, who he also owned as a slave.

the-more-you-know

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Holy shit, this is a new fave website. The reviews are savage beyond belief.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Crimson Gold Apple

"A crabapple in disguise". 31 points, "Horse food" tier

These little shits are glorified crabapples masquerading as edible fruit and should not be tolerated outside of cider production and pretentious baking applications. Each minuscule bite of these filthy monkey cheeks explode with an intense yet somehow dry flavor combination that will make you want to spontaneously vomit. Do not be fooled by this repackaged trash, Crimson Gold is just a misleading name slapped on a swollen testicle.

holy shit i am crying in the break room right now

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

My girlfriend and I have been howling for like half an hour at this site.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  1. Sweetango

  2. Honeycrisp

  3. Kanzi

I trust their judgement. That's the right order.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

pog-fish new struggle session dropped!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

It's even got some sectarianism for us to enjoy https://applerankings.com/pink-pearl-apple-review/

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Cosmic Crisp: 74. "The most overhyped apple of all time"

kiryu-approaching oh these are some fucking fighting words

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago

There are better tasting apples, but there aren't any better tasting apples with anywhere near the same shelf life. As someone who eats maybe an apple or two a week this is an important consideration.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

It's a good apple and I think they're not being entirely fair, but the skin is worse than Honeycrisp.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 year ago

The Red Delicious is "A baseball glove filled with coffee grounds". That is correct.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Thank you both, this is amazing.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I gotta say they are spot on with the so-called "Red Delicious" apple. Every one of those apples looks and tastes like meal covered in wax.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Red Delicious" were a triumph of labeling and marketing, much like LLMs being called "AIs" and shoving people out of work while doing shittier jobs.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Holy shit this is great

The Autumn Glory " Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit. This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.” But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.

That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique. And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side. "

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

I kinda pity the person who had real life experiences to even think about those particular metaphors.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

de-perception - Well, science has finally created an apple that tastes like the spit in your mouth right before you vomit.

de-rhetoric - This fever dream of a deranged Washingtonian scientist is shielded by a clever name and shifty marketing team who carelessly toss around manufactured flavor notes such as “caramel”, “warm cider”, and “subtle cinnamon.”

de-conceptualization - But, make no mistake, this pee-stained lump-fruit tastes less like cider and cinnamon and more like a urine-soaked gas station bathroom floor that someone accidentally spilled cinnamon on. Which makes this apple less Autumn Glory more Autumn Glory Hole.

de-endurance - That being said, this nasty piss floor of an apple does have the benefit of tasting unique.

de-volition - And while it certainly won’t be for everyone, there are an adventurous few who may actually enjoy a walk on the wild side.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago

Uh yeah, of course they loved that apple. Dude said it himself, it's useful for.making cider. What did he think they were eating them? Those dudes were drunk as hell.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

However, Juicy Fruit may be a more appropriate label than Ludacrisp since while this apple is only moderately crispy, it is, in fact, ludicrously juicy. As juicy as a ho’s ass – as Luda might say.

Okay I love it.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

What's all this apple ranking? We already have the perfect apple, Granny Smith.

Cheap, lasts awhile, good tasting, crunchy af, not unsettlingly sweet, and great for baking.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Candy Crisp Apple Review "A Pear-Cucked Red Delicious" https://applerankings.com/candy-crisp-apple-review/

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

fuck yeah you get it

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

this is actually an applerankings.com fan site

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Sand filled condom

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Does my favorite apple-loving lib, Samuel Seder, know about this?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Apple rankings are fake
Apple breeds and cultivars are fake

Apple's taste depends way more on the health of the particular tree and soil than the "cultivar". I've had so many apples from the "same cultivar", even bought from the physically same grocery store only 1 year apart, that taste completely different.

The only breed I've had that maintained any sort of consistency is the Fuji apple (and also the standard Red/Golden Delicious and Granny Smith, but these suck for eating raw). And even then the Fuji has deteriorated a lot over the last 2 decades--I first noticed this in 2011 and it was confirmed via a study in 2013.

Stuff like Pink Lady, Lady Alice, Honeycrisp, has never had any real consistency over the years

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

yeah i'm gonna have to call bullshit here. cultivars can certainly change over time because they're living things, but like if i go pick a honeycrips or sweetango from the grocery store it's gonna taste really good and it's just entirely different from a gala, the difference between cultivars is extremely obvious even if they're not as consistent as a processed product like cheetos. that website even talks about consistency and locality, assuming that the reason fuji apples are popular in japan is that they actually do taste better over there.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think your apple supply might just be shit. I can pretty consistently buy breeds of apple and get a similar experience

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›