Puritanical movements are historically a social response to widespread sexually transmitted illnesses

Well except STDs. But you go have fun.

That is not only both funny and sad, it's also legitimately kinkier than a lot of non-religious people's sex lives.

This is one of those things that I feel like someone made up as a joke and it got out of hand.

Now that it exists though, I have no doubt people will have read about it and tried it

From your point of view it is 'all the risk', but you must understand that the biggest most important risk is what they are trying to avoid: going to hell. For people who believe in that kind of thing, it's the only risk of any real significance.

All the risk without the fun

You've summarized religion in one phrase.

Like sticking an alcohol drenched tampon in your booty hole.

I hope this isn't knowledge from experience

After our first child, when my ex was finally given the all clear for sexual activity from her obgyn, she was so pent up from going a long time without plus all the crazy hormones still raging about in her body when we finally got to it, she started orgasming immediately as i went inside and told me not to move or it would be too much for her. We just laid there "soaking" while she orgasmed over and over. She eventually calmed down after several minutes and I was able to do my business like normal.

weird ~~as~~ fuck

You and me baby