originally seen on the fediverse here: https://elekk.xyz/@coriander/114114387547043884
alt text by me
Speaking of jokes for our time:
Q: What is the main difference between succession under the tsarist regime and under socialism?
A: Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather.
Also on point:
A man walks into a shop and asks, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would you?" The shop assistant replies, "You've got it wrong – ours is a dairy shop. We don't have any milk. You're looking for the fish shop across the road. There they don't have any fish!"
Although my personal favorite...
In Soviet Russia, everyone gets the joke!
Yakov Smirnoff is younger than the president, he could probably tour again with the right retooling
Can you explain the first one?
During the tsardom, tsars passed power like kings do.
Soviet union, the party chose its leader. There was a period in the Soviet times where each succeeding leader was pretty much as old as the outgoing one so they didn't last very long. It was called the gerontocracy.
Lol so basically most of congress and the presidency in the US xD
Interesting tho, hadn't heard that before, thank you for the explanation!
It was called the gerontocracy.
Missed chance to called it "geriatracy"
It's the same root word
I'm hoping they found them both dead. Together, in a hotel room with Putin's dick still in Trump's mouth.
And Elon dead sitting in the cuck chair
I’m not sure why but Kissinger hated everyone. He hated the Vietnamese, Cambodians, Laotians and was even quoted saying Arabs are savages (or perhaps barbarians). How does someone who escaped a Holocaust carry so much hate against other disadvantaged groups?
The Holocaust broke a lot of people's faith in humanity. When that hope is lost it is less a feeling of hate and more one so dispassionate and disconnected that they simply do not care about humanity.
And that can enable some hateful acts indeed.
Racists gonna racist. The people that hate immigrants the most are other immigrants
This old Soviet joke was about Stalin
I think you could argue there were plenty of Soviet leaders it could fit. Beria, for example.
But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.
But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.
"Who did you think it was about?"
It could be but famously it was understood to be Stalin.
I'm here 'till thursday; try the veal and tip your server
...and please dont put your cigarettes out in the flower pots - the FSB currently has a shortage of microphones.
Something that has always bothered me about this joke: Don’t news stands generally have the front page visible, to entice people? So like, you’d know well before you bought one.
Edit: I’m illiterate. I’ve heard this joke before as “guy buys a paper, looks at the front page, throws it away”. But this version actually makes sense.
Yes, that's part of the joke. The obituary he was looking for was something that would be frontpage news, implying it's an important political person.
As much as I'd have loved for the Kissinger is Dead celebrations to have been big news (and a Holiday), it went by mostly unannounced.
Because he lived so long that when he finally died, most Americans had no fucking clue who he was.
Yes an old joke for our times. About NEWSPAPERS.
To be honest, every time I lunch Lemmy I'm hoping for a "Trump found dead" post to be on the top.
Trump found dead, circumstances not suspicious says Kremlin.
Fell out of a 7th floor window in the White House.
Why would the Kremlin want him dead?
He disagreed with the "voluntary" annexation.
Putin just kept saying "Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly" when he complained about it.
Something similar, I wake up and look out for fresh memes of his assassination. But until now I remain disappointed.
I'm in a better situation: I'd be happy with Trump or Elon. So, 50% better odds, however small they might be.
OTOH, Trump could just keel over one of these days, leaving us with President Vance shudder. I mean, President Couch Fucker has a nice ring, and all, but every single time that guy opens his mouth, the more I want to punch him.
I dunno. The list of guys who deserve a sword missile is getting pretty long. Moscow Mitch, Vance, Trump, Elon. Any of them would be a happy day.
You’re right, I’ll fix it:
[BRO] stops by the [iPAD STAND] every day, scans the [INTERNET], doesn't buy the [IPAD]. One day the vendor asks what he's up to.
[BRO] says: "looking for an obituary."
Vendor says "those are towards the back of the [RSS FEED], [RIZZLER]."
[BRO] says: "not the one I'm looking for, [BITCH]."
RSS feed
Okay boomer
Good try, but already outdated
I really don't get it
The person looking for an obituary is hoping for the expiration of a public figure prominent enough that their death would be front page news. Likely a politician.
There used to be sidewalk kiosks called “newsstands” where people could buy the “newspaper,” a daily publication with news about recent events. Bigger news was put on the front page, and at a newsstand you could see the front page for free.
Because this is talking about the Soviet Union, the man is almost certainly looking for a headline announcing that Josef Stalin has died.
Gorbachev.
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