this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

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Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...

I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).

Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.

CONTENT WARNINGSGrief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given

PremiseThe titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.

The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)

"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).

Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).

Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).

Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.


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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (9 children)

Mother in-law gifted me a mug for Christmas, might have to become a tea drinker. doggirl-shock
What is good tea even tho? lea-think

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Probapoly: the feeling of when you're probably polyamorus but have no romantic partners and no idea if you'd actually be into it if you had a single, monogamous relationship

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

Shower fixed doggirl-happy

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

Not first, sucks.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (7 children)

is thestorygraph good? i want a goodreads alternative not owned by amazon

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (7 children)

2025 we're saying beep. spread the word (beep)

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I did it again, checking the old mega all day wondering why no one was posting 😭

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Today’s going to be a weird day for me. It’s my 10-year anniversary of fully cracking my egg. But instead of going out for dinner with my family, like I originally planned, I’m sitting here all alone being sick. catgirl-cry

Guess I’ll just pull out my most expensive tea and see where the day will take me. And the celbration stuff will have to wait until my official name change that will happen pretty soon anyway.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

i'm a melancholypilled sadcel entering my despairmaxxing gazingoffintothedistance arc

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (4 children)

dieting, weight loss2025 is the year I make it to 8 stone. doggirl-thumbsup

Seeing number go down after completely stagnating over the holidays is kind of giving me a high. doggirl-sweat

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Read a 550k fanfic in 6 days. catgirl-flop

The start was rough but by the end it was excellent, written over the course of six years, so improvement was to be expected.

Unfortunately it was hetshit, but about a couple that lives rent-free in my incredibly queer head.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (9 children)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The question “Can I say something?” is an existential inquiry that implicates the nature of freedom, responsibility, and the self’s relationship to the Other. From Sartre’s perspective, to ask this is to confront the radical freedom of being-for-itself, wherein you alone must choose not only whether to speak but also bear the weight of what that speech signifies. Speech becomes an act of creating meaning in a universe devoid of intrinsic purpose, yet its significance is not yours alone—it emerges in the gaze of the Other, where your words risk objectifying you, transforming you into a being-for-others. Simone de Beauvoir might emphasize the ethical dimension here, as to speak is to assert your existence while engaging in the reciprocity of recognition, which entails both the risk of denying the Other’s freedom and the possibility of authentic solidarity. Thus, the question is not merely about the ability to speak but about whether speaking reflects an authentic affirmation of your freedom or a retreat into inauthenticity, complicity, or silence in the face of the absurd.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

do not chatgpt me

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Feeling exhausted and hateful and bitter and angry and weirdly isolated and just, what the fuck is the moon or whatever doing that's fucking with me at this time of year? I hate absolutely everything except for Dragon Quest.

If you're all very lucky maybe I'll post about Mice Tea sometime soon.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Hey, so who can tell me about the term "doll"? I've only seen it in usernames basically, so if it has any connotations or functions they are lost to me.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (3 children)

gonna respond here instead of on the week+ old post you replied to

contrary to the other user, I've only ever seen it used by younger trans women, especially on TikTok and Instagram - and while there are connotations of 'pretty' or 'cute', there are also connotations of 'toy', 'plastic', 'fake' and so on, which often reads to me like an attempt to try and 'defang' the idea of being a trans woman. I only saw the term start to pop up from around 3 or 4 years ago, and I've seen more 'millenial' trans women start to take it on now in order to try and feel relevant to the younger trans crowd.

If you want examples of stuff like this, pretty regularly I'll get served videos that are some variation of 'when he says he's not gay but he's never tried a doll' or 'dolls are more fun than real women', which both are pretty fucked ways to go about things, and are just one example of why that term regularly leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but even without those the term still doesn't sit right with me. Like I said in the rest of that thread you replied to, it feels like an attempt to leverage a bit of internalised transphobia at the hopes of being accepted by a cishet populace. I understand that this isn't what you've personally seen, but honest to god this is what keeps being sent to my for you page, what I keep seeing pop up in comments, what I hear IRL.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

My mom started using my non-deadname without me even asking :O

She still uses the other one in a lot of contexts still (talking to friends about me) but it was still really, really nice to see especially after she was so dismissive (read: transphobic) when I started talking to her about my transness initially

I haven't rly talked about it with her like... in-depth and seriously yet but stillllll

Uhhh amerikkka is a land of contrasts or something

Have been so surprised by her recently, she's even been getting into left politics recently. Some of it is Trump derangement syndrome but like, she's using my name now without even asking and we've been talking seriously about communism and anti-imperialism for the first time in my life. She has even expressed wanting to get involved with some kind of left organization (I haven't recced her a communist party or something quite yet lol). People can actually change, there has to be hope for all of us

Maybe part of it is I am actually quite okay at talking communism (without even saying that word hehe) with people now lol, a lot of it is cuz of this site besides reading more and spending a little time (not enough) in orgs

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can anyone who's already in 2025 tell me how it is? I think I'll just stay in 2024 if the vibes are off

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Just as cringe as all the previous years

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

sat on my glasses but i've recently learned how to do diy readjustments (take that optometrists maddened) so they're all fixed!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I talked a little about it earlier, and kind of understated my feelings in the moment, but fuck am I both excited and scared about the possibility of getting on HRT. It's crazy to me that I've been suffering from gender dysphoria for years and only started considering getting on HRT in the last several months, but if everything goes right, it'll all be resolved in a matter of weeks, and ultimately this was spurred by a kind of crappy Christmas with "family". Yet there's still the possibility that I won't get to it soon (I still need to go through all the blood tests and admittedly I have not been taking care of my health up to this point), and even if I do, there's the social consequences of the changes to worry about. Pretty much everyone in my life is socially conservative, and I live in a red state, so I don't know what's gonna happen there. Despite all that, without a doubt I'm looking forward to starting HRT so I can become the woman I've always wanted to be.

It's also weird (yet comforting) to me that the more I think about medically transitioning, the more at peace my mind is. But sadly the only thing I can do at this point is think about it. When my egg first cracked, I thought I would socially transition first (I've made posts from as recently as a month or so ago saying this), but only recently have I realized I can't let myself do that without some form of medical transition. It's not just the way of presenting myself that needs to change, my body does too.

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