836
Instead they are self-funding space missions, pouring millions into longevity research and buying a bunker in New Zealand.
this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2024
836 points (98.8% liked)
The Onion
4413 readers
668 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Don't forget buying social media and amplifying the voices of Gotham's worst
Make Gotham great again!
God I wish billionaires restricted themselves to "not helping anyone". It seems that our actual billionaires are actively trying to destroy everyone's lives through abuse of monopoly power, election influence, running interference against climate change laws, straight up regular crime, and so on.
If billionaires limited themselves to only being fabulously wealthy and living in exorbitant luxury, they'd never be billionaires
..because you only really need to have 100 million dollars or something like that at most for life-long disgusting levels of luxury, anything more is just showing off
In fact, I'd even argue that 10 million usd is more than enough for living a stress-free luxurious life without needing to work a single more day in your life
If I try to imagine my life where I had $100 million and the best thing I could find to do with my time— given that just about everything would be within my budget — was to work long hours and try to raise thar number… it just seems sad.
That’s the exact kind of go-getter a lot of society has told me is the person I should want to be too. Gross.
Your first mistake is thinking that you got the first $100mil by "working hard".
You don't get $100 mil by working hard. You get there by being born to the right family or by exploiting the labor of others. Usually both. Very, very rarely, it could be just pure dumb luck. But never just by working hard.
Yeah of course. I was imagining being the founder of a growing business or something like that. Most of that value was skimmed from the work of others, but that person could still be putting in long days of “work” to keep the thing growing.
And I’m sure there are plenty of people we’ve never heard about that sold the business and lived a wonderful quiet life with their family. We get to hear about the ones that are mentally ill to the point where they cannot stop, and must continue to acquire.
I suppose that would be the exception...somebody taking no more than a modest salary while building and growing a business, constantly re-investing into the business and their employees, then selling the business for hundreds of millions of dollars and bowing out of the rat-race forever.
That has to be exceedingly rare.
I'd like to say I would do that if I were in that position...but truth be told, I'd probably have everybody asking me to invest in their startup. And some might actually sound very promising and not very morally bankrupt.
But what's a couple million out of my hundreds to toss to an interesting startup. That's pocket change now. This is gambling for rich folk.
And that startup makes it big. Next thing you know, I'm a mogul.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Look, I'm just saying the alley guy who keeps shooting rich people probably did more good than Batman
Unfortunately, they caught him after the first two and then he was shot on the orders of a third 😮💨
Source: just re-watched Batman Begins
People pick on Batman because he's a billionaire, but most superheros are pro-cop, pro-establishment, and pro-government. They don't use their abilities for societal change, choosing instead to solve all problems by punching.
Show me a hero arc where the goal is anything but a return to the status quo.
If you pay attention to BatMan(at least some incarnations) It is more about how no one can swoop in and change the entire system not billionaires not vigilantes, but instead you must do some pretty unsavory things to be a “Hero” and it often questions what the difference is between a hero and a villain? If we cross a line to stop a bad guy are we any better than him, and if you notice a lot of the time Wayne Enterprise is just as corrupt and even the villains, Bruce Wayne is no more able to stop the evil than BatMan
If we cross a line to stop a bad guy are we any better than him
Your analysis is correct but I'm so tired of this line in popular discourse and the media. See also:
But if everyone killed killers then the relative number of killers go up and you only succeed when everyone is dead.
Wait, is that true?
k = killers, i = innocents, p = total population, r = killer ratio
p = k+i
r = k/(k+i) = k/p
If an innocent kills a killer: (+1 killer, -1 innocent) from becoming a killer; -1 killer from killing a killer; -1 innocent net change, so r goes up (bad)
Now that you're a killer, any time you kill another killer, it's just -1 killer. r goes down (because the numerator gets smaller faster than the denominator) (good).
This means that the first time you kill someone is always bad, but it gets better if you kill more people. You can offset the net cost of the first kill this way; if r <= 0.5, killing two people will do it. So you're right that if everyone kills one person, the world will be full of killers. But this also suggests that the best course of action is for one person to go around and kill every killer, and then themselves, leaving the world temporarily killer-free!
Let me simplify your math a bit
Currently there are people who are not killers.
If everyone kills then everyone would be a killer
Some < All
I just wanted to do some stats tbh I was getting rusty
If I recall, a lot of what Batman has gone through was orchestrated by an Illuminati type group called Court of Owls that controls everything in gotham
Ok. But it depends on whether you think Ozymandias is a hero.
#ozymandiasdidnothingwrong
#Extra-DimensionalBiologicalEntitiesForEveryCity
So many comic book villains are just reasonable positions combined with violence to make them seem bad.
Almost everyone in X-Men
That's a problem on how they do businesses rather than the writers. They must go back to the status quo nobody stays dead they need to sell the comics more. There are many characters in Anime that are the power level of western heros but nobody calls them like that. They have a story the story does not go back to status quo. People stay dead cities stay destroyed.
load more comments
(1 replies)
"Mr. Wayne, we need to issue a recall all of the WayneTrucks again."
“Only 20 people have been sliced like ham so far Lucious”
“Don’t we have a PR firm to put a positive spin on it?”
“Use one of our fairytale non-profits!”
Bruce wants his tax cuts
Alfred is wearing a MAGA cap
Alfred: I bloody don't see why everyone is whining about having a king, I love me monarchs. Did you know George VI claimed Prima Nocta on my wife? Never been so proud.
How many billions would Bruce have if Wayne Enterprises paid it's employees their fare share if it's profits?
Batman is the real villain. How much crime would there be in Gotham if his billions were spread throughout the local economy, by means of a fair and substantial wage? Or if he was taxed appropriately and some of those billions ended up in social programs, or in therapists and reentry programs at Arkham? Probably not much.
batman would drive a f-350 super duty and park like a douche
He’s drive a cybertruck and follow Elon on twitter
Ironically, the rights to a Televised Batman are locked up in legal limbo (which is why we only see Bruce Wayne in spinoffs or shadowy figures for cameos, or Adam West with his bat ears digitally removed) so a TV show about Bruce Wayne not being batman would be more realistic than a TV Show about Batman.
He just dresses up as Batman to pose on top of his skyscraper for the Tiktok hits! He's addicted to social media and is always getting into flamewars with the Joker and Riddler!
Probably a better way to settle their differences, honestly.
Oh man they fucking got me. Really believed this one. Tbh it would probably be fun take potentially.
Dude creates villains like Joker and Bane and pays them to wreck the city so he can play hero, then gets them out of jail and they all laugh on his mega yacht.
ITT: People saying he's already like this
which is also people who dont watch or read batman media
Well, he can still just beat up criminals (the poor) with no reason...
ah yes the famous poor criminal the penguin or falcone
view more: next ›