I wish him a life of obscurity, poverty, and extreme loneliness. May he achieve nothing and be just smart enough to realize what a waste his entire existence has been.

I had a professor do this to me. Was an adult going to night school, in my last year. She was about ten years older than me and we hit it off in a way I assumed was a professional student/teacher relationship. Had this with other professors as well.

She told me to meet her at a hotel once, thought she was joking and when I didn’t show was furious. Told her it just seemed odd, and she told me she is getting another one this weekend and not to worry about it, but if I didn’t show there would be consequences.

Through a lot of double speak she let me know if it didn’t happen, there would be no graduation for me. Not knowing what to do, bought a pack of condoms and showed up to the hotel. “No, we aren’t using those”. And that was several of my weekends until graduation. There was zero possibility of saying no, and no one to complain to. I can tell the story online and that’s about it.

Too big to fail financial industry should go first.

The democrats could run a literal cup of coffee and I would vote for it before that draft dodging, child rapist piece of shit Trump.

Yes, but now we can get much worse results and three pages of ads for ten times the energy cost. Capitalism at its finest.

Dude, you can’t talk about deporting people back to Africa. Not cool.

Most of us see that as a perk. “Wait, I can die right now, painlessly? Like totally painless? Where do I sign up?”

I am handing it to my toddler and saying “this is important, don’t lose it”.

Detective has a zero percent chance of ever finding it.

That’s funny because one of my Calc professors said to a student during a test “you can pray all you want, but no god is going to help you integrate. That’s what homework is for”

My son (5 y/o) walked into my office and said “dad! I brought you something”. I assumed it was a piece of Easter candy because he had a hand behind his back. I asked him what did he have.

He turned around, let out a huge fart, and said “Fooled you!” Then he put on his cowboy hat and walked out of the room.

Yep, gottem.

Women - “so we finally get large pockets!?!”

Fashion Designers - “yes, but we made them impossible to use. No Pockets For You Ever!!!!”