A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
I’ve had this happen to me when I disclosed I needed time off for mental health issues.
Never again.
This isn’t even satire, the company I was at had a whole mental health campaign at the time.
Currently going through this. I loathe my company and its higher ups. Crisis after crisis after crisis. Never any acknowledgement, let alone reward.
My company offers two free mental health consultations. Per year. Also in the midst of a "we care!" campaign.
No you don't. In fact the opposite.
Sometimes I wish I worked for the Mafia. At least then we wouldn't have to pretend anyone cares about doing the right thing.
Who's more honest about their organization being a family, the Mafia or a corporation?
The mafia, no doubt about it. Fuck corporations. I'll believe in corporate personhood the fucking moment Texas ecutes one.
The mattress is literally called "The Family". As for how honest that is, idk how nepotistic they are.
Though that could go for big companies too. "When we said 'We're a family here', we meant upper management, not you."
I know exactly how you feel
Sounds like you may have a wrongful dismissal case under the disabilities act.. If you have a union rep or pro bono attorney available, it might be worth pursuing for real
Non union company, and the excuse used was that I was “unreliable”.
I wasn’t dismissed, I was just passed over for promotions and projects, exactly like this satirical article. Ended up leaving for a much higher paying job anyway.
I love a happy ending
Happening right now. Immunocompromised infant in the ICU. Company leaders last week while in ER and hospital admission: "what can we do for you; anything you need; what do you need?" This week, now that we know our needs: "yeah, remote work doesn't fit our culture."
I'm in I.T. Fuck me for wanting to keep my kid from dying from a common cold.
I'm sorry you're going through that
Thanks. We'll manage; I'll walk in masked, and don gloves if anyone hands me a device. There's a strong anti-mask, anti-vaccination ethos around here. I'll be a pain in the ass.
sure rings a bell
This isn't even satire.... The Onion is really struggling to beat actual news in absurdity lately
Since 2016.
This is definitely not satire.
🙋🏾♀️
Happened to me. Keep your mouth shut. ❤️
Your boss isn't your friend
HR isn't your friend
The objective of both is to extract the most value possible from you while paying you as little as possible. If they can replace you with someone that'll do more for less, they will.
They might be nice people that say nice things, but the moment you become so much as a mild inconvenience, you'll feel the weight of the organisation bearing down on you.
Don't trust them. Ever.
This is just telling it like it is
I expected this to be nottheonion.
Adding my vote to the "this isn't satire, it happened to me exactly like that" pile..
Anything you can share?
More likely to find compassion in Accounting.
Just a friendly reminder, documentation is crucial in any work environment, and do not believe any BS about great policies and employers that really care. Make sure you are fully aware of your legal rights, and if it's an option in your case, go through a legal procedure, rather than some internal "we'll work it out with a conversation and a handshake" process that your company will try and get you to go for.
I can't speak for anywhere but the US, but if you're having serious issues that might impact your ability to do your job/regularly show up, look into whether you qualify for any leave under the FMLA. Your mileage may vary, especially with smaller companies, but there are actually consequences for violating the law and/or retaliation under it. My experience at larger companies has been that they do not like to mess with it, and tend to farm compliance out to a third party to avoid any hint of impropriety. Again, there will certainly be differences, but across multiple companies, all my employer got from the process was a yes/no decision about whether I qualified, details of any duty restrictions applicable, when my claim was up for renewal and whether or not I marked my days of leave in compliance within the time limit established in the policy or not.
If they handle things in house, obviously don't trust HR. If an external company handles it, your employer shouldn't really know whether you're missing work because you've got cancer, you're insanely depressed, or whatever else the situation might be.
Regardless of how your company handles it, document everything to death, and make sure you're able to access your documentation in the event of losing the job. Should it come down to it, it doesn't matter how in the wrong your former employer was, you will not win any grievance or legal action if you haven't got the documentation to prove they did not meet their legal/contractual obligations.
Reminds me of my mother. Yes, we had a difficult relationship.