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Sending good vibes to all of my trans comrades 
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Something I've been wondering about for a few days, do you think men and women have different ideas of femininity/what "being a woman" means (or masculinity/being a man I suppose)? Or do they both have the same understanding of gender/that kind of thing?
It just seems like men and women view things differently a lot (like the way a lesbian vs a straight guy might experience attraction for example). And if they do view it differently in some ways, that obviously makes me wonder if I have a "masc" view of what being a woman is.
I think “homophobic” should mean “scared of the same gender” which means the straightest guys would have only friends that are girls and so on.
I know generally some downtime is good but it's annoying if it's all the time and burnout never leaves.
I ended up not feeling like doing much so I "wasted" the day away pretty much, meh
Successful contacted my ex. Wrote a thirteen paragraph essay. That’s just part one. Wish me luck.
bottom dysphoria
for basically my whole transition i've not really had much bottom dysphoria, i mean i don't love having a dick or anything but it's never been something that has given me too too much grief. my take has always been that if i magically got srs for free than i'd accept that with no complaints, but i wasn't going to spent shitloads of money on something that only mildly bothered me
last night i got super high and kind of got into a really bad head space, i ended up bawling for like an hour while thinking about a lot of heavy shit. being trans was one of the many things on my mind and for some reason i had such bad bottom dysphoria that it physically hurt. it's the next day and i'm sober now and while it's not as bad right now that dysphoria has still stuck with me
i think this is something i've been repressing since it's always felt like something that would be out of reach to me, idk
Gf and I worked things out again. I have BPD tendencies and when we're not communicating I try to preemptively break up.
I want to stop doing that.
sex stuff
Anyway, I think we found a way forward with talking about sex. I'm going to ask if it's a good time to bring up things she tends to shut down about and see if we can find time later if not. And she's going to try to communicate via text when she needs space so I'm not stuck in uncertainty.
And this morning we had some sexy time but focused on me. I asked first and let her know we could focus on me and she could stay clothed or not and that I wouldn't touch her erogenous zones unless she asked.
It was nice. Very intense orgasm. Being on estrogen so far has been really affirming when it comes to sex stuff.
done with work for the week 
(CW Dysphoria (but less bad this time))
Okay I did just need to give my face a break from the shaving, the stubble is still there but it's the usual barely noticeable amount I'm used to instead of the too much I saw earlier this week.
The dysphoria wave overall seems to have passed and I feel fine again. I'm definitely still gonna try getting new non-electric razors to see how they compare though.
