this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (5 children)

Something I've been wondering about for a few days, do you think men and women have different ideas of femininity/what "being a woman" means (or masculinity/being a man I suppose)? Or do they both have the same understanding of gender/that kind of thing?

It just seems like men and women view things differently a lot (like the way a lesbian vs a straight guy might experience attraction for example). And if they do view it differently in some ways, that obviously makes me wonder if I have a "masc" view of what being a woman is.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 months ago (1 children)

gender is hypersubjective, however you cannot use this fact in an attempt to apply gender to your own view.

Your view of what "being a woman" means is coloured already by your being a trans woman, and as such before you are even presenting femme you have a distinct understanding of what "being a woman" means power-genius different views of genders are cool.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

lea-think That is a good point, trans women probably would have a different view then other groups.

I still want to understand how those other groups view things though, if only to better understand society ohnoes

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yeas, primarily men's views of "woman" as a gender sometimes literally boils down to "menstruation cycle", "makeup" and "women be shoppin" lmao. Just do not ask cis men abt their views lol

Society is a fuck but genders are societally constructed so it's not a useless pursuit honestly. If I were a fucking freak I would jump people interviewer -style in the trans comm and ask them what "being a woman" means to them. Because of funny gender and autism I am deeply fascinated with how people conceive of the gender they transition to, I can only imagine most people have fascinating thoughts about it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I think that would be a really good post idea, you should do that. I would get a lot out of reading the responses.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago

Lesgoooooooooooooooooooooo sicko-fem

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I think a lot of people have different ideas of what it means to be a man or woman or masculine/feminine.
I don’t think it can be clearly divided between just the sexes, although lived experience as one or the other might also inform it.
Obviously other stuff like culture and religion can as well.
And this isn’t even mentioning patriarchy.

I think you are kind of speaking from a place of dysphoria or like internalized transphobia, even if you have “bad ideas” about these things it doesn’t necessary make it “masc” or “male-brained” anymore than it would with a cis woman who has internal misogyny.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Oh definitely, I don't think all men or all women agree on anything. But obviously, idk, there's generalities you could make I suppose. Not all men like, talk over women. But that's still kind of a thing (as I understand it).

I don't think its dysphoria, I just want to better understand how different people view gender I guess. Of course if I had a bad idea that wouldn't make me actually a man or something. I do wonder a little though.

talking a little about a brainwormI suppose one thing would be if I view "being a woman" as like, an aesthetic thing. Most of the "womanly" things I want are aesthetic. But I suspect if you polled cis women they wouldn't definite being feminine/"womanly" as "having curves and wearing girl clothes". But there are definitely parts I don't want... like kids. Maybe I should just go find some cis women talking about what being a woman is to them I guess.

Not to say that if what I wanted most about being a woman was looking more fem that would be a bad thing or secretly a man. Just... a difference that would be interesting.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Serious answer: Yes, probably. Toxic masculinity is a problem

Unserious answer: Masc view of femininity is when vote for women

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Yes, that makes sense to me. I should do some actual reading into toxic masculinity instead of just hearing people talk about it.

Does not voting make me nb ohnoes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago

Does not voting make me nb

I think it just does nothing

https://hexbear.net/comment/5199169

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I already have a different understanding of feminity than many other lesbians, let alone straight women, let alone dudes. I've just made different experiences with womanhood than them, so i have my unique views on that. And if you think you still view this based on people trying to raise you as a boy, you can question and change this.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Hmm, I hadn't thought about lesbians vs straight women.

I'm trying to question and change this (if I even need to), but no one has really explained the differences to me :ohnoes: I guess Ash kinda explained how cis guys see it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Man/woman was everything I was bullied into being/not being. Being a transwoman is learning to allow myself to just be and like what Iike. Wanting to pass is mostly for my psychological and physical safety because I like a lot of things I otherwise get bullied out of, like wearing pink skirts and injecting estrogen.

My facial hair bothers me because it's a safety issue. Not because it's masculine, but because the contrast between my skirts, my mannerisms, and social expectations means facial hair will draw attention I don't want.

In other words, I'm learning to both follow my joy and keep myself safe. What is masculine and what is feminine aren't really the question for me at this point. Though, being early in transition and having a lot to unpack, I still think about it a lot.

If you're into philosophy I've found Judith Butler's work helpful in clarifying a lot of this.