Yep, eclipses are signs from the almighty! Totally predictable by science signs!
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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That happen at regular intervals, fixed entirely by the orbital motions of the Earth and moon, utterly regardless of what humans are doing on the planet. And have been going on since the moon existed, which is well before the development of humanity.
The lord really does work in stupidly mysterious ways, doesn't he?
Math is an Assyrian religion meant to distract you from jesus
On the day of the eclipse, start the sacrifices and don't stop until the demon stops swallowing the sun! Let's start with MTG
The next solar eclipse in the lower 48 is in 2044. Does this then mean science predicts that America will erupt into general hedonism and debauchery that year?
One can only hope
Says the adulteress. Fuck off.
Yeah, I don't get how this works over and over again. It's almost always shit people who just blatantly make a mockery of their Christian "beliefs" that these dopes put up on Christian pedestal. By all accounts, Obama was a good Christian. One wife, no real accusations of infidelity, regular church goer, at least outwardly a nice and modest man. . .and these dopes labelled him a secret Muslims trying to take down the government from within.
I just can't make any sense of it.
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Repent for what? Allowing conservatives to hold government positions?
If I was religious id repent for giving this motion the attention she gets whenever dumb shit comes out of her mouth/tweethole
Ah yes, the Saros cycle (known as far back as before the time of Jesus), predictably causing eclipses like clockwork, is a 'sign.'
Also apparently a sign from God to repent:
- Leaves falling from trees
- Flowers blooming
- Things getting colder
- Things getting warmer
- Days getting longer or shorter
- The sun rising
- Birds chirping
- Stars
- Water
- Needing to poop
- Clocks
You joke but go a few days without pooping and you'll come to Jesus pretty quickly.
Of course the Lemmyverse would know all about that, wouldn't it?
And yet if I don't need to poop, clearly God isn't sending the sign of needing to poop.
If we suddenly stopped having eclipses, we'd also likely have pretty serious problems on our hands.
But per Marjorie, if cyclical events are signs from God to repent, the absence of those events must either be signs from others or else a "you're all good with repentance."
So you might be constipated, but sinless.
So you can shit a stone and then throw it.
Needing to poop
To be fair, sometimes this can cause people to pray
TIL Microwaves are confessionals
Well the world hasn't ended yet, so that proves all the repenting works!
Yeah the Bible belt has been endlessly shit on by tornados because they're just not evangelical enough...
It's fucking infuriating to think about the fact that these fucknuts affect my life and decide certain things for it. Religion is gonna have an iron grip on society until the day I die, isn't it?
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Judging from her face, I assume she was imparted this revelation while staring into the Ark of the Covenant.
It's due to the reincarnation gods not being able to decide between an overweight gremlin or a very short troll, so they went for both. Apparently she was a shite soul wayyyy back when.
According to her scriptures….
Murder is the only commandment you can commit with inaction. This is what made the parable of the Good Samaritan so offensive. The narrative as Jesus told it, the “pillar of the community” and the Priest were both murderers; because they cared more about whatever than the man’s life.
So. According to her scriptures. She’s a mass murderer because she’s allowed millions of people to die and suffer. Covid. War. Immigration. Social care. School lunch programs.
So maybe I am a sinner, but if your god nuked us with an earthquake it’s your fault. For being the kind of dicks that would remove free money for kids in school.
This is expected.
A lot of gullible people believe the first thing they hear that resembles an explanation in events that have nothing that feels substantial even if it's nonsense.
What would not be expected is if at the next natural disaster Biden comes out within a minute in a national address and claims that God revealed to him that this is just the start and a warning so that America would not reelect Trump.
Then watch the nuts lose their fucking shit at being overshadowed at their grift.
Maybe it's a sign that the religious people are being too xenophobic and they need to care for immigrants as if they were the Good Samaritan.
I mean if we're making things up that's as good an explanation as any.
I have run out of adjectives and superlatives to describe the depths of idiocy the Right engage in. They re even going on about the eclipse.. What time period is it? 300 CE? Did thousands of years of scientific advancement get thrown out the window? These Y’all Qaeda are no better than the real Al Qaeda or Taliban destroying universities, libraries, and historic artifacts.
I'm tired of them being called the Right. They're obviously the Wrong.
Says the sycophant 🙄
Imagine affiliating as religious alongside someone like this lmao.
Hateful people have no place in civilized society. Send these people back to Russia where they belong.
Oh, really? I thought the eclipse was the natural movement of astral bodies and is well understood. Glad ole' Margie is there to tell me it's an invisible man.
If a rare and small magnitude 4 boop is a “sign from god,” what does that make the frequent hurricanes that hit her home?
It somehow still surprises me that in 2024 you have people who are still living in the middle ages.
Do it then
You first.
Rain on your wedding day: Repent. Stub your toe: Repent. Shitting your pants: Repent.
Tell Trans people they shouldn't exist: A-Okay. Force a rape victim to carry a pregnancy to term: A-Okay. Criminalizing homelessness: A-Okay.
It's a sign for you to repent, but not her? Why is it always others and never themselves?
Nah. It's a sign to vote her wrinkly ass out of Congress.
Eclipse is sign of sun being devoured by Fenris and ushering in the wolf times! - Says Thors Thundercock of Vendel
There is no place in government for this bullshit... I'm so tired of these idiots being voted for.
I'm getting a live transmission from God right now, he's saying specifically: "Repent on Climate Change".
Damn girl. You should [~~redacted~~] bleach about it.
The Pharisees hold the House.
The only "strong sign" one can see is that her supporters are incredibly stupid.
Yes, and it makes more sense the less you think about it.
Eh. One 1-in-200 year earthquake and a run if the mill eclipse most of the country won't see because it goan' rain.
Tellya what, Maggs. I'll split the difference with you and regret the Taco Bell I ate for lunch, whence arose an earthquake of a different color. Sounds like a fair deal to me.
Because nobody's ever thought of that before. The god-botherers need to get some new material.
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The earthquakes were caused by space lasers, and the coming eclipse is god doing his best to drop them from orbit. His plan is to have them fall on Mar-a-Lago
Because I just binged 3 Body Problem on Netflix.
Sophon: There is now a level zero.
This is the best summary I could come up with:
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) said recent earthquakes and a coming eclipse are “strong signs” from God that America needs to “repent,” shortly after tremors shook the New York City region Friday.
The Georgia lawmaker’s remarks came just hours after a 4.8 magnitude earthquake hit near Lebanon, N.J., about 50 miles from Manhattan.
It was recorded at a depth close to 3 miles, according to the United States Geological Survey (USGS).
Greene’s comments also come as a total solar eclipse is expected to shroud parts of North America in darkness Monday.
It will travel from Texas to pass through Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine, according to NASA.
Greene has been derided for peddling conspiracy theories in the past, such as suggesting that California wildfires were caused by space lasers controlled by a powerful Jewish family.
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