Yeah, that idea is so far from the truth. To me, realizing i'm actually NB was like an evolutionary step, i had to actually spend time hanging out with (and making out with) other nonbinary transfems, in completely genderfucked locations where i realized "wait i'm in what used to be the men's room and it doesn't make me dysphoric because we're beyond this here and everybody around me is gay as hell", let that feeling that gender is a scam really sink in. I had to ditch all these notions about overvaluing cis passing and wanting to fulfill some binary cishet ideal of womanhood, embrace my butch side, be gay and do crime, learn that while i hate being seen as a man, i actually find it hillarious when my gender genuinely confuses people. It was a learning process, getting rid of the binary was another part of developing revolutionary consciousness, it was a process of resistance.

It doesn't have to work this way, some people know right out of the gates they're NB and like i said, some binary trans folks need time to accept themselves in that binary role, too, and it's ok when "maybe i'm NB or genderfluid" is a temporary construct that helps them through that phase where they can't fully believe they're a woman yet. All of that is valid. It's normal that it takes time to figure yourself out when you're one of the people where the whole "the baby has a peepee, it's a boy" heuristic doesn't work, but is instead the first act of violence you experience.