this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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The same as for girls who can’t get a date: everyone wants to date the most attractive people. No one wants to date an ugly person. So those at the bottom of the attractiveness scale for men and women both have a hard time. This applies to more men than women though because guys are generally less picky. So that’s why there’s the whole male incel cryfest culture. Well, That and Patriarchy.
But there’s someone out there for everyone if people would just look past what’s on the outside. Sadly many never learn to do that.
Guys: read bell hooks.
You know what's bizarre is that sometimes you see pics of self-described incels, and yeah there's uggos or whatever, but some guys look normal or even attractive. If they didn't have all that built up hatred and resentment, they honestly probably could have developed some rizz - or whatever - and had dates or at least normal interactions with women.
Yeah definitely. I know plenty of uggos who have great relationships too. It’s totally possible but guess especially can’t let that resentment and anger/hate build up. And have to set realistic expectations. It’s a cruel world out there. Capitalism makes it even worse in every way unfortunately.
I would say a lot of people also don’t have any self awareness, in a good way I guess. Like I’ve met people who I wouldn’t consider attractive, and they’re not exactly the most happy or confident people in the world, but they seem to be completely oblivious of their looks and just talk to just about anybody and get laid without really thinking too hard about it. It also applies to average and pretty people, but yeah. Though this usually applies to older people who never really cared about beauty. Being aware of your looks and beauty standards hampers your efforts.
Yeah, there was a very recent shooter (attempted shooter?) in like Arizona or something whose manifesto was textbook incel, even complaining about "Stacies", but the dude was clearly handsome. Like, I'm sure anti-Asian racism made it harder for him to get a date, but he was definitely attractive.
For what it's worth, mental illness can so screw with your perception of yourself and your understanding of how others perceive you. During my late teens/ earlier 20s I was all but having to fight women off with a stick. One of them I literally had to fight off when she got too handsy. Beautiful girls practically throwing themselves at me, girls that in my eyes were way out of my league in every way. But I have what my last therapist called "avoidant personality disorder" so my brain is literally incapable of believing good things about myself. I will only ever believe that I am ugly no matter what happens unfortunately. I think a lot of incel guys probably experience feelings of low self worth so their handsomeness or lack thereof doesn't change how they perceive themselves like one might expect it.
how old are you now / why doesn't that happen anymore?
I'm 28 now and work graveyard shift so I don't really spend time in social spaces with single people anymore. I suppose if I were to spruce up and get out there I'd still get some kind of attention but I've had enough bad experiences with women that I'd never want to.
oh jeez, what happened?
I got SA'd by a girl once. And lemme tell you once it happens one time you're suspicious of the rest of them forever
I'm sorry ❤
I really think the importance of attractiveness is overrated. Being pretty is nice sure. However most people are in the middle and perfectly happy to date other people in the middle. Getting a nice outfit and being well groomed will generally push anyone just over the line into attractive enough. So it really isn't a factor for most people I think
I agree with you, but ‘most People’ aren’t who OP was asking about. They’re asking about people who cannot get a date for the life of them, which is a small percentage of people. Of those people who really can’t get a date, a lot of them are not going to be “somewhere in the middle,” they’re going to be well on the uglier side. It’s cruel and unfair but it’s true.