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Trans Megathread from November 24th, 2025 to November 30th, 2025 (hexbear.net)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by to c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net
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Esther Rose - Wanton Way of Loving

Boulevard Montmartre - Night by Camille Pissarro / La Vie en Rose - Louis Armstrong

Tracey Chapman - Fast Car

Elvis - If I Can Dream

Huangguoshu Waterfall

Pang Xunqin - 1940

Owl on a Pine Branch (1833)

Utagawa Hiroshige

Boston Cremes (1962) - Wayne Thiebaud

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[โ€“] 5 points 9 months ago (11 children)

I have this problem. I would unconsciously say it to people who don't like to be called dude. Then they got used to it and also started saying dude. I think I desensitized them, but I wish I knew how to stop when people don't like it. It's so automatic and it's not a slur so it's not as motivating to quit as a slur. I use it for everyone as if it's gender neutral word in my perspective, thanks for saying it's not for some genderfluid people. To me it's just a word but I should really be more considerate of other people's application of the word.

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  • [โ€“] 16 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (10 children)

    if you walk up to a guy and say "hey look at that dude over there". who are you walking up to? who are you saying to look at? its a man. its. a. man. you wouldnt go up to a straight guy and be like "how how many dudes have you hit on today" because its a fucking straight man, and you are asking how many men hes hit on, because it is not gender neutral. saying its gender neutral is enforcing men = default, aka enforcing the patriarchy, and enforcing misogyny. misgendering someone is slurring them. "that genocide sucks but its not affecting me at all so im not motivated to push against it" "ugh well i was using the n word as an ally, its just a word"

    male privilege is so ubiquitous that it is invisible, it is so pervasive that it is completely normalized. the patriarchy is so all encompassing that the very language we speak enforces it. misogyny is so ever present its been around for centuries, if not millennia. saying you arent "motivated enough" is literally just saying "i dont care". so as the original post said, fuck you!

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  • [โ€“] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (9 children)

    saying its gender neutral is enforcing men = default, aka enforcing the patriarchy, and enforcing misogyny.

    Honestly asking, how is it misogyny? For me I tolerate being called dude very easily, but it's not like that for all genderfluid people I suppose. I guess it would bother me if someone was saying I look like a dude on a day where I only identitified as "she/her" and was dressed very femininely. But calling me dude without saying or implying that I look like one is very different. That's fine to me.

    I had both of my genders repressed, so I may be extra hungry to collect overt acknowledgement of both of my genders. I'll have to see in the future what does and doesn't bother me. You may be saying something useful to my own journey. Not saying this is you, for me idk if me deciding to avoid being called "dude" would be me overthinking and being too in my head.

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  • [โ€“] 9 points 9 months ago* (4 children)

    I guess it would bother me if someone was saying I look like a dude on a day where I only identitified as "she/her."

    Why is this? It seems like it would be because you're being called compared to a masculine noun on a day where it defies your identity. Is there really much difference between one being told they look like a dude vs being called a dude.

    If it would bother you to be called a dude, then your understanding of that word doesn't seem to be that gender neutral

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  • [โ€“] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

    I think someone saying it to say "hey, you..." to me, or "omg" or "woah" is different than when they mean "you look masculine." Those are some of the different ways I hear the word dude. Usage matters.

    I think I don't understand genderfluidity for others in this way. I know some people that do not go by she/he pronouns exist, but I only understand having she/he/they all at once. If there are resources or experiences you guys can share about being genderfluid and not going by either she or he that'd probably help me understand a better picture of how other people's genderfluidities can work.

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  • [โ€“] 6 points 9 months ago* (2 children)

    Why not just say "hey, you," "omg," or "woah"? These are all perfectly gender neutral phrases. What we're objecting to is using a very gendered word in place of gender neutral phrases and pretending like the word suddenly becomes gender neutral. Dude is a gendered word, and using it in place of gender neutral phrases, especially to someone who is not a dude, is exactly what is meant by "man by default" language

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  • [โ€“] 3 points 9 months ago

    To be clear, it's not bad to like being called dude, or to be okay with people using it for you. Your preferences are your preferences. What is bad is you yourself using it in a gender neutral way to refer to people who are not dudes.

    I, for example, am not gender fluid. I spend 100% of my time identifying as a woman. There is no situation in which I would not object to being called dude, and an insistence that it's actually okay to call me dude (a masculine gendered word) because it's supposedly gender neutral, is incredibly frustrating.

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  • [โ€“] 2 points 9 months ago

    Honestly asking, how is it misogyny?

    Words intended to and frequently being used specifically for males are often generalized to be "inclusive" of women by simply making the male-term a "gender-neutral" option. Dude, guy, bro, fireman, etc. Its pretty much never the opposite direction and it would be considered insulting to call man a "firewoman", but not the other way around. The tendency for this clearly is based on misogyny.

    Do you think being "color-blind" means you aren't racist?

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