Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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Hi, I'm new here
CW: dysphoria, transmedicalism, sad, transphobia
Last year someone in my ap computer science class came out as trans, our teacher told us that the student wanted to tell us something, and people were like "did [deadname] die?" and the teacher said that the student wanted to go by a different name and pronouns. Then someone goes said that he wouldn't use she/her pronouns to refer to someone who doesn't look like a girl. At least some people were respectful, though. The point is, I can't trust the people around me to not be bigoted, although most of the people in that class, have graduated. The trans student was very cool though, she was one of the only students who took the class seriously (I think there might be something in the computers turning people trans!) and was probably a gamer. Too bad she also graduated. I'm not a gamer and I don't have anything interesting about myself. I kind of looked up to her, even though I didn't identify as trans.
My whole life has been a lie of pretending to be someone that I'm not. I'm a minor, and I live with my parents in the wonderful state of Florida, where woke goes to die. I have reason to believe that my parents are transphobic. My family is Catholic. I am not, but they don't know that. I have been pretending for years. I don't say anything about how I feel about my gender.
I am growing more body hair every day. It's awful, and I don't think I've ever had this much. As much as I would like to do something about it, I am scared of what other people would say. I don't even know how to remove it without accidentally hurting myself.
I feel like a robot. I do the same stuff every day, and by that I mean that I don't do anything. I just do my schoolwork, and school gets repetitive. It distracts me from thinking. But guess what, when I do think, I just think about how I want to be a girl, and then I get sad. But I don't actually get sad, since I don't feel my emotions very deeply.
::: spoiler Read at your own risk CW: autogynephilia I think I might have that? But also maybe not? I mean, it can be arousing to imagine myself as a woman? But also I can think of myself as a woman and not be aroused? Autogynephilia has been one of those things that makes me question if I'm really trans. Most research on trans women does make a distinction between two types of trans people, those who find out early and are attracted to men, and those who find out later and are attracted to women, and sometimes have autogynephilia. Yes, I know that this research is stupid. That doesn't help. I still think about it. Also, I'm not really sure if I meet the criteria for gender dysphoria from a transmed perspective. Wikipedia shows the dsm description, but it says that it has to cause clinically significant distress or an impairment in functioning. The thing is, I do well in school, and to most people, especially adults, I appear well functioning. But I don't know, I don't have many friends and no one that I am close to, but I don't think that gender issues are what is causing this?
If you made it this far, I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. I'm okay, even if it sounds like I'm not.
CW: autogynephilia and dysphoria
I am no professional, however, the research is stupid, and has been haunting people for a while now. You are trans. It is perfectly normal to want to like your own body.
This kind of research conveniently assumes that everyone is hetero, and that the only way to be trans is to be hetero and realize early on, otherwise it's just a fetish. This is bad thinking, it's very brainwormed thinking. Do not fall for this stuff, it is meant to be anti-queer. It pushes the message that trans people are okay, as long as they transition young, pass, and marry a man so that they look normal and it never has to be thought of again.
If you are questions whether or not you have dysphoria, read this, it might help you better understand what's going on and what you want for yourself. Also, dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans.
I definitely relate to you involving school. I functioned "fine" but thinking worsened my depression. I went through school on autopilot, distracting myself from the thoughts in my head. Based on your description, it sounds like you are going through something similar to what I went through, robotic depression and all. Also, the especially adults part hits really hard, and gender issues actually can cause not being able to be close with anyone. I had friends, but I have never had a close friendship, at least for a very long time. This could be gender issues, depression, a combination of both, really.
Also, you are already a girl. Based on why you think you aren't, you are experiencing dysphoria. It also sounds like you have a lot of brainworms (thoughts picked up our horribly anti-trans society), and while I have not said much (as I am new to this myself, I'm only 6 months in, our eggs probably cracked around the same time!), there are plenty of others here who would probably be able to help you much better than I, especially when it comes to removing those brainworms.
So glad you are here, this is probably one of the best trans spaces on the internet
(we also have a lot of fun emojis).
Thank you for this! It means a lot to me knowing that there are other people out there with similar experiences.