this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (2 children)

doing a double post since a dumb meeting got cancelled

story time, this is about video games ... and something i'm struggling with.

when half-life 2 first came out, my computer didn't have enough RAM for it. every loading screen was a minute long, and when i would spin around (in-game) the game would stutter. classic issue of course, this was back before SSDs so half the level was living in a pagefile at any point. it was so bad that at times it felt like i was waiting for more loading than actual playing of the game.

years later, i played it again, once i got more working memory for my pc, and the game was an extremely different experience.

now let's get (somewhat) sad, this is about work and linesthis is how i feel about my life, in two ways.

  1. i feel this in a more standard sense of "oh my god, work is just waiting for 5pm and trying not to go crazy so that I can do the things I actually want to do" or "wow this line is really long, is this all there is to life?" which i'm sure a lot of people can relate to
  2. but I also feel it in a sense not just of the world loading around me, but myself loading too - i've encountered the term "autistic inertia" before, and it describes the difficulty of switching between tasks, breaking monotropic focus, etc. I'm not sure if this is quite that (although I do think I have that as well), but more so that my day-to-day, and especially my job, is so busy and I have slowly accumulated the "responsibility" over so many projects, and have so many people asking me questions, that I spend most of the day with a figurative loading bar in my head, trying to figure out what productive thing I can actually do, or trying to remember wtf we were doing with that codebase to prepare for a meeting.

honestly it's probably related to the meerkat/flexible mode

work ethic is a whole other conversation, of course, and I don't berate myself for my lack of productivity that I used to, but ... I don't really know where I'm going with this, actually. I do feel like I'm going to get "found out" for spending so much time trying to clean out all the unrelated/related crap in my brain (this post is an example) so that I can think clearly again, but that's just how I am, so if I can't change that I guess when they fire me I'll just try to find another job. Maybe take some time off and read, work on a side project... that'd be nice.

(if i'm being honest, i spend more time than I probably should on YT or reading here or etc. but I do think it helps clear my head)

anyhow, thanks for reading, should probably actually do some work now but i'll check in later

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I can only respond to the dumb vidya bit sozI'm actually impressed that HL2 would run without crashing on less than a gigabyte of ram, that game was such a hog. Kind of impressive it even tried to run on less.

I've only played it on Xbox (impressive port work, only semi playable) and patched PS3 (ish framerate but pretty playable) for pad support, Idk what the PC version is even like nowadays despite owning it.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

its possible I had 1G and that wasn't enough. I was a relatively smol bean (imagine me but like smaller? Idk)

i want to try it in VR since there's a VR mod for it but I am a little baby as soon as it gets dark (VR or IRL) so I would probably not be able to go to Ravenholm, actually

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Surprisingly the specs from 2004 list 512MB as the minimum but yeah, I think it was more comfortable with like 1.5GB? Shouts to being a smol bean โœจ

That's awesome, a VR mod sounds rad. Maybe I should see if I can get my PSVR rigged to my PC again...

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's awesome, a VR mod sounds rad.

i'm currently trying to get through HL alyx again and it took me a couple days to work up the courage to get the flashlight (which is in a huge dark room, it's a cool moment but well i am very me), don't make me walk into the scary place, video games!!! so i don't have high hopes for being able to make it through hl2.

i scream every time the headcrabs jump, even though i know that's literally what they do. ... i'll just play minigolf instead

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

badeline-heh That's classic, sorry it's scary for you. I do a little better but Resident Evil 7 in VR still made me yelp a few times honestly. Minigolf is less scary.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I'm sure that watching me play the scary in VR is very entertaining to a certain kind of person lol (I dont feel bad about it I am able to at least laugh at myself when I am being slightly adorable). I still get the motion sick when I need to do smooth movement tho

Mini golf is so good tbh, I didn't expect to want to play it so much