Trying to stop thoughts is a subtle form of aggression. What works better is to let go of the sense of attachment to them as me or mine and then just watch what they do.

I didn’t mean to suggest I’m forcing it. I know my mind is not me and it’s just coming up with nonsense, but it’s seductive and the metacognition comes in by default too. Also, music never stops playing in my head unless music is playing in real life or I’m hyperfocusing. I find much of my meditation time is spend accidentally believing my thoughts, and I’m glad my mind’s more settled, but I don’t have the patience to go for concentration, unless I’m insanely happy for no apparent reason.

Eternalism and nihilism are both traps. Two poles. The middle way is to go with the flow.

Obviously eternalism is stupid. Possibly related: I finally stopped wasting time on counter factuals. It’s hard to live in the moment with under stimulation or hyperfixation, or maybe the latter is the moment and not just a cope? I try to be mindful when I’m doing enjoyable things, but that can “ruin” them due to the fleeting and fragmented nature of experience. Hedonism is a failure.

And life is full of both.

Of course, and I’m not sure if I want a more gray consistency like the mental health people think one should, or irrational but sometimes enjoyable ebbs and flows. I just don’t like not knowing what to believe. Positive and negative feelings are a unity of opposites and there are positive and negative sides to the contradiction being stronger or weaker. Dialectics is and is not nihilistic. It is natural for nihilism and over-reading meaning to be paired within me.

I find the anapannasati meditations quite helpful. Depending on if you want something more structured or less I could link you a few guided meditations. I primarily practice plum village zen and under bhikkhu analayo (theravada reformist and early Buddhist scholar).

Ok <3 I’ve read and listened to various Buddhist things, recently starting mctb.