TillieNeuen

I was on CTH but missed the discord (thank heavens, I hate trying to use that thing) but heard about chapo.chat elsewhere on Reddit. So I've been here since almost the beginning.

I like tabletop gaming, both rpg and board/card games. I'm in a DnD campaign now and playing a bard for the first time, which is fun. Some favorite board games are: King's Dilemma, Quacks of Quedlinburg, Clank, The Captain is Dead: Dangerous Planet, Furnace, Spyfall, Azul: Summer Pavillion, Eclipse, Dune: Imperium, and many more.

I like needlecrafts. Primarily I crochet and embroider. I learned how to knit, but I can never remember how to cast on or cast off and have to relearn it each time, and that got annoying. Also, crochet is more forgiving because you can't drop stitches and end up with a hole in your work. My project now is to finally get around to making a dice bag for my current DnD character.

I like music. I love to sing, but my voice pretty average--I'm in the "valued member of choir" range, not the soloist range. But I sing a lot for pleasure, while doing chores or driving, that kind of thing. My favorite music to sing around the house is folk music, since it still sounds like music unaccompanied and it's fun to sing. I also have a good memory for music--it's just about the only thing I can remember--so it's fun to sing a story in 20 verses. Jean Ritchie is my favorite folk singer.

I like it when you guys make me laugh, make me think, and help me blow off steam.

There's a shirt on Etsy with a cat rolling DnD dice that I've been thinking about for a while and I've decided to buy it. It's being sold by a bunch of sellers though, and I have no idea how to find out who actually designed it. I'd like to support the actual artist, if I can. I've attached an example, but there are a bunch of sellers with the same or very similar design with color added.

My trusty Samsung Galaxy S7 that I bought in 2017 is bricked and now I must buy a new phone. What are the recommendations of the hexbear community for a replacement? I was satisfied with my elderly phone except that there was a lot of junk that came with the phone that I couldn't delete, and for the last couple years or so I've had to delete an app before I could add an app, so that was kind of annoying. But other than that, I was happy with it, so I don't need the newest coolest thing.

The food theme for my next DnD session is "food on a stick." Any bright ideas? I can't think of a single thing. Next step is fooling around on the internet until I find something that looks interesting, but I thought I'd ask you folks first. Only dietary restriction is one person is allergic to pumpkins, zucchini, etc.

Edit: I knew you guys would come through! I have so many great ideas to look up and think about now, thanks so much!

A few weeks ago I made a post about some basic sewing/mending skills and supplies so people could make their clothes last longer. I've been thinking about some things to write for Part 2, so here it is. As before, if other crafty people have more to add, please feel free!

@hotcouchguy asked about best practices/basic stuff that he missed while teaching himself how to sew, so I've been trying to think about stuff that you do without even really realizing you do it, and I thought of something that is really useful when you're hand sewing. I shared this link to show you guys how to backstitch, but I didn't point out something that she does in the video that is really useful, especially if you want to work quickly. You may have noticed that while she's sewing, she doesn't pull all the thread to the back, then pull all the thread to the front. Instead, she pushes her needle to the back and back to the front kind of in the same motion, which leaves most of her thread in the front. Then she pulls the whole thing through to the front again until her stiches are taut. Now, if you're new to sewing, it might seem a little tricky to send your needle to the back and back to the front again all in one motion like that, so you might want to break it up into two separate motions, which is fine! The one thing I would suggest though is to leave a loop of thread on the front. So you would send your needle to the back and pull through some of the thread, but leave some on the front still, then send your needle to the front and pull the whole thing taut. The reason for this is that it's easy for thread to get twisted up while you're working and make a little knot--these knots are often not very sturdy, so they come loose. If you've got a knot like that and it comes loose after you're done, all of a sudden your nice taut seam has turned into a loose mess. This leaves you needing to check the back constantly to make sure there aren't any sneaky little knots hiding back there, which is a pain. If you leave a loop on the front and then pull the whole thing taut, then you can see that there must not be a knot back there otherwise the front loop wouldn't move, so that way you're not constantly flipping your work to check the back. (I'm not sure if all this only makes sense to me because I know what I'm trying to say. Please let me know if any of that needs clarification. It's so much easier to just show people than try to talk through it!) If your thread does get twisted and makes a knot, usually pulling gently will untangle it. If it's being stubborn, insert your needle through the loop and pull away from the fabric and it should come undone. This video shows that method, and how to untwist your thread periodically by letting your needle dangle. She's embroidering, but it's the same idea. (Sorry, this video is a little cheesy. The methods are sound though!)

I also realized I didn't tell you guys the technique I use when using the backstitch to mend a hem that's come undone. It doesn't happen as often now, but for a while it seemed like every t-shirt I bought, the bottom hem would start to unravel after a few washes. This is what I did to fix it. Snip the loose threads off right next to the fabric so you don't have any tag ends hanging loose. Thread your needle, and start stitching about an inch from where the original stiches stop, stitching right over the machine stitches, using the same holes in the fabric. This is enough to hold them in place and keep the hem from unraveling more, even through many washings. Then keep backstitching through the area that came undone, and keep stitching over the stitches on the other side, again for about an inch. This is a good moment to point out that a stitch in time saves nine! The more quickly you do this, the less area you'll need to fix. You may still be able to see the holes for the original stitches too, which will help you keep your stitches uniform and help the whole thing blend in. If you've let things go, especially if you've washed the garment since it started to unravel, then you probably won't have that guidance any longer. If it's a big area, you might want to iron your hem so that you're not working to keep the hem straight. Some pins will help with that too. Then knot the thread (there's a section on that in Part 1). Note: Hems don't typically have a lot of pressure on them so in my experience, you don't need to bother with trying to knot off the machine stitches to keep them from unraveling. However, if it's a seam that's come undone--like if you've split the seat of your pants or something--there's going to be more pressure there. You might want to unravel enough of the machine stitches to have enough thread to work with to knot it, then mend the open part. I don't like trying to knot machine stiches though and I don't like unpicking stitches, so as I recall I've just backstitched farther over the machine stitches--like instead of 1 inch, 2 or 3 if it was an area that was going to be under pressure.

How to thread a needle: (How did I skip this before??? I mentioned using a needle threader if you're having trouble, but that's it. Whoops!) This is how I do it. She mentions that saliva is bad for your thread. True! (I have done it though.) There's also beeswax, which I linked to in Part 1 if you want to stiffen your thread and try to just push it through. I think the loop method above works pretty well though. If you want to cheat 😁 and use a needle threader, here's how to do it. (No shame, I have one and use it sometimes when I'm struggling for some reason.)

Fix a snag in a knit: This tool is a nifty little thing that you can use to grab a snag in a sweater and pull the loop to the back so it isn't visible. It's very easy to use! There's a little latch that goes over the hook so that the hook doesn't snag on the fabric when you pull it back through. Insert back to front, open the latch, put the loop you're trying to hide between the latch and the hook, close the latch, and pull back through. The snag is now inside the garment where nobody can see it. Oh, here's a video if that didn't make sense. She mentions that she uses the tool for other stuff while sewing, and I do too. It's a pretty useful little gadget! One thing I use it for is if I haven't quite left myself enough thread to bury the end (See Part 1 on knotting off your thread) because if you don't have at least the needle's length of working thread left, you can't bring the point of the needle back near enough to your knot to make it work. This video is the only thing I've found that kind of comes close to explaining what I'm talking about. She's finishing off embroidery, but you can see that she's "burying" thread in a similar way. Skip to 1:40.

Mending a hole in a t-shirt: I don't like iron-on patches and prefer to use a needle and thread to fix holes, but that's just me--plenty of people like iron-on just fine. This video is nice because it shows you several varieties of iron-on patches, as well as how to sew it shut or use fabric glue. Like I said, I prefer the sewn method that she shows here, but you can see the range and make your own choices.

I talked about how to sew on a button in Part 1, but I didn't say anything about what to do if you don't have the original button to sew back on or a handy replacement in the hem for you to use. When that happens, take the garment to your local fabric store and see what your options are. You may get lucky and be able to find something similar enough that nobody will ever know the difference. If that doesn't work, you have 2 options--you can cut off all the other buttons and replace them all (not my preference), or remove the top button from the garment and move it to the missing spot, and pick out a deliberately different button to put in the top spot, so it looks like a fashion choice and not a bad match (my preference--I am lazy and don't want to replace all the buttons, but I'm also a perfectionist so if the match isn't close enough to really satisfy me then it'll bother me forever and I won't want to wear the garment.)

OK, that's all I've thought of for now. If anyone has a project that they're not sure how to approach or something that needs to be mended that you're not sure how to fix, please feel free to ask and I'll do my best to help you out. I enjoy this stuff, so it's no bother! (Also if you'd like to get into embroidery or crochet and you're not sure where to start etc, I'd be happy to talk needlecrafts too!)

*The header image is the scissors case I made for my embroidery scissors last summer, because I'm pretty proud of it lol.

I've been open about how in the past, I struggled with some emotions related to trans women and what I perceived as gender essentialism, and how I educated myself, listened to trans people, and became not a transphobe. I finally have some time to write an effortpost today about this, so I thought I'd give a try at reaching out to any TERFs who might be visiting because of the stuff with Giggle. I realize that probably most of those who are visiting are too deep in ideology to be open to different perspectives, but hope springs eternal that maybe a few might be open to a different way of thinking. To that end, I'm going to be open about the opinions that I used to have and how I changed. I want to note here that I'm not trans and I can't speak for my trans comrades--I'm purely talking about my own experience with learning that if your feminism isn't intersectional, it's just putting a pretty face on self-interest (and this applies to white feminists who don't give a shit about WOC too, by the way). So to any trans comrades reading this, I welcome any criticism of what I'm about to write. I'm no expert and I'm not done growing, so if there's something I need to edit, please reach out and thanks in advance. But please don't keep reading if it might be hurtful to you. I'm sure someone else will give constructive criticism if it's needed. :cat-trans:

So, to begin, over a decade ago, I was getting my MA and teaching at a university. A new MA candidate started the next year, who had just transitioned male to female. I sort of knew her (before she transitioned) because she'd been working in a related university department before starting our program, but I didn't know her well.

Up to that point, I had been casually pro trans rights in a "yeah, whatever, do what you like, how could I possibly care about personal choices like that?" kind of way. I hadn't really given it much thought though, so when I started having some uncomfortable reactions to my new coworker, I did not know how to handle it.

As a feminist, I was pretty against what I felt was gender essentializing behavior on her part. If we separated everything into stereotypically masculine and feminine behaviors, I'm more on the feminine side, but I certainly don't like the idea that those behaviors are essential or determined by my gender. After all, I also have some qualities that stereotypically would be considered masculine. To me, those kinds of gender stereotypes are harmful to both men and women. It's pretty easy to see how gender stereotypes harm women, but they're definitely harmful to men too. For example, I remember learning about this heartbreaking study done on male friendships. When the boys were young, they would hug their friends and tell them they loved them, have deep conversations, etc. By middle school or so, all that had broken down because showing emotions was too girly, and they wanted to be MEN, DAMMIT. Many men don't have any close friends at all. And we wonder why the male suicide rate is so high! Toxic masculinity isn't just toxic for the women around you, it's literally poisoning you. This is kind of a digression, but I wanted to give you a picture of where I was on gender essentialism and gender performativity at this point in my life. It's OK to be a man and like "feminine" things! It's OK to be a woman and like "masculine" things!

So here was this woman I was meeting (for the first time as a woman) and she was going at femininity SO HARD. And it kind of felt like she was saying "this is what it is to be a woman." That felt pretty bad to me, because I felt it was harmful to place gender identity in a series of gestures like that. After all, if THIS list is all the things that make you a woman/are things that women CAN do, then THAT list is all the things that make you not a woman/are things that women CAN'T do. And fuck that.

So I'm looking at this woman who my sjw brain was telling me should be someone I'm supporting, but at the same time, I'm feeling like the way she's acting as a woman was actually bad for women.

But here's the thing: feeling this way felt BAD. I was pretty sure I was wrong, but I wasn't sure why, and I needed to figure it out. Just telling myself I was wrong because I'd been told I should be an ally to trans people wasn't enough to satisfy me intellectually or emotionally. I was performing as if I was an ally to my trans coworker because it was socially expected, but it felt hollow and fake. Clearly, I needed to know more. So I did some reading online (I couldn't tell you what anymore, sorry. It's been too long) and some soul-searching, and this is what things came down to for me:

1. My discomfort with what I was reading as gender essentialism on the part of my coworker said more about my insecurity with my womanhood than it did about her. I was still unconsciously hanging on to some ugly ideas about femininity and competency/intelligence that I really needed to let go of, if only for my own sake. She wasn't saying "This is what it means to be a woman," she was saying, "This is how I like to be a woman." The bad interpretation was all on my side. I was still holding on to some (kind of adolescent "cool girl" ideas, to be honest) opinions about ultra femininity being weaker, less intelligent, etc than a more nerdy "smart girl" like myself. I still didn't really wear pink that much, if you know what I mean (and not just because pastels wash me out). I give myself more room to enjoy my femininity now, and at least part of that growth is thanks to my trans coworker all those years ago who got me reading and thinking about womanhood more, and I'm still grateful to her for that. The fact that I was interpreting her femininity as gender essentialism was my problem, not hers. This is the big one, so I put it first, but it was more of a work in progress. The following ideas were more immediate when I started reading about trans people and trying to see things from their perspective.

2. It is literally physically dangerous to be trans. Just existing as a trans person is a dangerous act. My trans coworker is safer if she "passes," because then dangerous people might not notice her. How could I possibly justify being mad at her for trying to present as feminine as possible, if only for her own safety?

3. It's not my choice to wear a skirt every day and be as dolled up as possible whenever I leave the house, but I do enjoy getting dressed up and looking fancy sometimes, and even when I'm in hoodie mode, nobody would mistake me for a man. So if I had wanted to wear pretty dresses and do my hair up and wear makeup, etc for my WHOLE LIFE, and never felt like it was safe/something I was allowed to do until now, what would I do? I'd probably do that shit every day too! Just REVEL in being as (stereotypically) feminine as possible every damn day to make up for all the times I wanted to, but couldn't. So could I be mad at her for that? Also, I mentioned hoodie mode but didn't really explain what point I was going for there. A transwoman might feel like she's risking being misgendered if she doesn't go all out on the stereotypical femininity, and being misgendered is extremely painful if you're trans. If someone misgendered me, I'd probably think it was funny, because my gender identity isn't a site of pain for me, which makes a more androgynous presentation emotionally safe for me in a way that they might not be for someone who is trans. The previous point covered the physical danger of "not passing," but there's an emotional danger too.

4. Trans people who transition as adults are basically going through puberty all over again. Their hormones are going crazy, they're trying to decide what kind of a person they're going to be when they grow up, and they have no idea of what to do with their hair. So remember your own shitty adolescence and be kind.

5. It's pretty impossible to divide out which behaviors we do because we're naturally inclined that way, and which we do because society pressures us that way. The nature/nurture debate is an unknowable waste of time. We're all just doing the best we can, and shitting on a trans person for how she's trying to balance the kind of person she wants to be versus the kind of person society is pressuring her to be is pretty inexcusable.

6. Changing your whole outward identity puts you in a really vulnerable place. With my words and actions, I had way more power to hurt her than she had to hurt me. Using that power against her would definitely make me the bad guy.

Fortunately, I kept my big mouth shut while I was trying to figure this shit out and I didn't hurt my coworker, which I'm very grateful for. Reading things from the perspective of trans people and then trying to imagine myself in their place reminded me of the central fact: trans people are people. They aren't unknowable monsters. They have no diabolical agenda. They're just trying to live in a society that says they shouldn't exist.

So if you're a TERF, I encourage you to do some reading from the perspective of trans people. They aren't trying to erase you or your experience, they're just trying to live and thrive, as is their right. You might even find that the perspective of someone who has transitioned might open your eyes to some of the ways that you perform gender in your everyday life, and you might gain some personal freedom as a surprise side-effect. If you're scared to do some good-faith reading about trans rights from the perspective of someone who is trans, that says more about you and your fragile, hateful ideology than it does about trans people.

In closing, trans women are women, trans men are men, non-binary people are valid! :hexbear-trans:

OK, I asked if there would be any interest in me creating a list of resources for basic sewing and mending skills for people who would like to keep their clothes usable longer but never learned to sew, and it seems that there's some interest. I'm only covering hand sewing because I'm assuming if you need this post, you probably don't have a sewing machine. I've been sewing since I was a kid, but I'm no professional seamstress, so I'm definitely inviting comments and corrections from anyone else who has advice to add! (Note: I'm linking to products at JoAnn because they have a lot of locations and they ALWAYS have coupons.)

I'm going to start out with basic supplies. You can start out by buying basic kit like this if you want, though all that isn't really necessary, if all you're going to be doing is stuff like sewing on buttons. Good fabric scissors are worth it if you're wanting to get into sewing more (and do NOT use them for cutting paper or my mom will appear in a puff of smoke and smack your hand. Paper dulls fabric scissors.) but if you're just snipping thread and not really cutting fabric out, regular all-purpose scissors are just fine. The kind of scissors you get in a kit like this aren't going to be the best quality anyway. However, if you're dipping your toes in and you don't want to make an investment before you see if you like it, they should be fine. Then there's thread quality. This particular kit is Singer brand, so you would hope the thread would be decent quality, but the thread in little emergency kits is often shit. However--it should work OK regardless, especially if you double your thread. I had a multipack of thread I bought at a dollar store when I was in college and didn't have access to my mom's more well-stocked sewing basket and I used that shit for mending for years and it held up OK. If you wear a rainbow of colors and you're going to need several different colors of thread for your mending, getting a cheap multipack of thread isn't a bad idea, even if the thread quality isn't the greatest, unless you're mending an area that's going to get a lot of wear. Generally though, if I'm sewing on a button or mending a seam that's come undone, it's because it wasn't sewn on well in the first place, not because it's been put under so much pressure. TECHNICALLY it's best to use thread of the same material as the fabric you're sewing, but for most basic mending, it doesn't really matter. It's also useful to have a few pins for holding things in place while hemming and to create space for the shank of a button (but you can use a toothpick or match instead if needed). You may also find the needle threader handy if you're not used to threading needles.

Anyway, if all you're looking for is the absolute basics, here's what I'd recommend: just use whatever scissors you already have, a pack of needles (more on which to choose later), and a spool of all-purpose black thread and all-purpose white thread (or whichever colors you wear a lot, but generally white and black will get you pretty far). There are all sorts of thread to choose from, but all-purpose is what you want for basic mending.

Picking a needle: Here's a needle guide from JoAnn. Here's another one. Basically, a pack of sharps will probably be just fine for general use. Here's a pack of assorted needles, complete with threader. . Here's another one. This type of pack of needles is nice because it has a variety of sizes so you can pick something small for hemming something delicate, and a longer needle for sewing a button back on denim.

OK, on to some basic skills!

Tying a knot to get started: This article has both pictures and video for 3 ways to tie a knot. The first one is the way my mom taught me and the way I've always used, but the 3rd one is kinda genius and I might give it a try. The only flaw I see is that even though you're sewing with doubled thread for strength (which I recommend), the knot is basically just a single thread held against the doubled thread, which might not be as strong as actually knotting it like the first variety. I'll also note that the way my mom taught me to use doubled thread is to pull the thread through the needle, put the two ends together, then knot them together like variety 1. That way, your thread is doubled for your knot all of your working length except for the part that goes through the eye of the needle, and you're going to be cutting that off anyway, so it doesn't need to be strong. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. If you want to just use one thread, you might want to consider coating it with beeswax for more strength.

Tying a knot to finish: This is how my mom taught me, but there's no talking to explain what they're doing so idk how clear it is if you don't already know what you're looking at. Here's a good overview of several methods, including the suggestion to "bury" your thread end after knotting, which I recommend. The video at the end shows her finishing several types of projects, so you can see how the different methods work for different situations.

Sewing on a button: Here's a good tutorial on how to sew on a button with a shank, a 2-hole button, and a 4-hole button. Just a note that the 4-hole button part shows how to use a toothpick to give yourself room to make a thread shank so there's room for the fabric around the buttonhole between the button and the fabric it's attached to, but for some reason they didn't do the same thing for the 2-hole button??? I guess that's OK if the button is purely decorative, but if you're sewing on a 2-hole button and you plan on actually using it, use the same method as the 4-hole button to make a thread shank. Note #2: when my mom taught me, she just crisscrossed pins on top of the button and sewed over the top of them to make the space for the shank. If you don't have a toothpick or pins, a match would do, or something else small like that.

Sewing a backstitch: This is a basic, strong stitch that is a good place to start on hand sewing. You want to pull the thread nice and taught so you don't get gaps in your seam when you pull the two pieces of fabric apart, but not so tight that it starts to pucker. This example uses large stiches to make them more visible in the video, but you're going to want to make them smaller so the fabric holds together better. If you're a sicko like me, you'll get a real pleasure out of making as tiny and uniform stiches as possible. Also here's a video of Bernadette Banner showing you how to backstitch, because I love her. However, she's focused on historical methods and a total perfectionist, so probably not the best model for simple mending. But remember that time she made a witch hat, to wear just because? And the Worth-inspired gown? And the endless search for just the right lace insert for her petticoat? Good times. Anyway . . .

Hemming pants: This is how you hem dress pants (if you're hemming jeans, just use a backstitch.) You'll want to just use one thread for this instead of doubling your thread because the idea is to make the stiches as invisible as possible. If you don't have a buddy to help you pin the right length, it is going to be essential for you to check and double check the length because bending over to pin it on yourself is going to mess up the length. It is doable though, it just takes time.

OK, that's all the basic stuff I can think of at this point. Like I said, if other experienced sewers have things to add, please by all means do so! And if there's something you'd like to know how to do that I didn't mention (or if something doesn't make sense) please ask and I'll do my best. Happy sewing! Here's to making your wardrobe last (and hopefully have some fun while doing it, or at least get a feeing of accomplishment.

Idk why I keep checking the covid death toll on the CDC website. I know that 200,000 deaths will be reached soon, and nothing will happen. It will make absolutely no difference, and yet I keep checking. Can anyone make sense of this?