this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 70 points 8 months ago (4 children)

I saw my wife give birth, it was both gross and fascinating but mostly I was grateful that she went through that for us, so yeah I also thought it was beautiful.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (2 children)

It's so cool to see. The head comes out so slowly but then once the shoulders are out, the baby just pops right out. Amazing.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 8 months ago

I'm a bit squeamish, so I arranged myself so as to be seated basically next to my wife's head, facing the wall, and was laser focused on holding her hand and maintaining eye contact with her.

Meanwhile, the delivering doctor was narrating a play by play as our kid went from just barely crowning to head fully out in three contractions, and then she just had to maneuver his shoulder free and he popped out on the fourth push. Three random things I will never forget from that night:

  • The doctor seeing the umbilical cord and announcing "That's a man that likes to eat!"
  • The doctor further complimenting my wife that she "rocked that thing out like it was her job"
  • One of the nurses looking into the hazmat bucket they'd packed the placenta into and muttering "Jesus Christ..."

Overall, 10/10, never doing it ever again.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I watched it on youtube once. "So cool" is about the last descriptor I would use. "Disgusting", and "fuckin nasty" are some of the words that came out of my mouth during that video.

I think you've got the glow of parenthood on that memory.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Did she poop? I remember watching one on YouTube while eating a banana and the lady pooped herself while pushing

Still ate the banana

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Actually no, she did not. I had thought we all pooped when we gave birth but nope. Now I'll have to wonder forever if I pooped or not.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

This guy likes his banana.. almost too much

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Its different whwn its your own family

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Nah, it was my friend's kid. I was there to support her. I've been the one giving birth before and it was just a blur of screaming and pain, but from the other side it was so cool. I'm not squeamish with blood and stuff so I could just focus on the fact that an entire person just popped out of my friend. What the fuck.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)

The cord was much harder to cut than I thought it would be. Like it wasn't hard, just more effort than I thought it would have needed.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Like cutting rubber foam with dull scissors.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Yeah, that's pretty accurate. I thought it would be like cutting some chicken skin with alright scissors haha.

Edit: not sure why you were down voted.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

My wife is preggers so I've got all this to look forward to .

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Don't bail out on watching it. It really is fascinating to see.

But for sure don't prioritize watching over helping your wife out. Pushing on her upper back while she's pushing helped my wife out a ton. There was a clear difference in the baby's movement through the birth canal when I helped out.

But have fun! It's such a wild, exhausting time. Your wife is going to struggle so be supportive!

Sorry for the unsolicited advice, we had our first kid a couple months ago, so it's still fresh in my mind.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

It's our first kid as well. Shitting bricks but I'm almost certainly less worried than her so I think my role is to basically support her as much as possible. Thanks for the advice!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I was amazed on how much blood there was.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

My wife was super out of it on Epidural drugs during real labor, but I love telling her the sound of the blood hitting the floor after the baby came out.

It was baby then SPLOOSSHH. I'll never forget that noise.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 8 months ago (5 children)

I’m dense… can someone explain?

[–] [email protected] 120 points 8 months ago (2 children)

She’s showing the baby being born. People who say that’s beautiful never actually saw it.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 8 months ago (2 children)

It's beautiful like the movie Life Is Beautiful. Traumatic but with silver linings.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 8 months ago

silver linings

Those are tears. You probably ought to get those checked...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Dammit I had forgotten about how much that movie wrecked me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I watched it with my wife a few months after we had our firstborn son. Do not recommend.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

Damn, I just realized I haven't watched it since becoming a dad. I don't think I can.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

It's definitely not beautiful, but it is really fucking cool. I was there for my friend's first baby and it was the coolest thing I've ever seen.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 8 months ago

"that thing" is her vagina

[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It's her vagina that stretches as the baby comes out

[–] [email protected] 32 points 8 months ago (4 children)

It looks like blowing a hairy bubble

[–] [email protected] 20 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

A bubble from the flesh swamp

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

Why u do dis

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

You are adorable. Really. Stay that way. I admire your flair of innocence and curiosity.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago

I think instead of showing him just a picture of the baby, she’s showing pictures of having the baby.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 25 points 8 months ago

I delivered my baby and for sure about 35% of my thought process in that period was "holy shit she's really stretched out" lol

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Had a friend when I was a kid whose mom was... eccentric. Very hippie old lady who worked as a "tantric sex couples therapist". One time when I slept over I woke up and had to go pee. I bumped into the mom who was walking around the house completely naked and she hugged me and asked if I wanted a cup of tea, I was still half awake and said yes for some reason. When I came back from the toilet she was sitting with a photo album and asked me to sit down next to her so she could show "the birth of her daughter" (my friend). And the photos were incredibly explicit. My reaction was exactly like this comic, really not something a 13-year-old boy like me should see. I'm lucky it didn't give me some birthing or pregnancy fetish or something, being at a prime age at the time for something like that to develop.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Wtf. How was your friend normal with a mom like that

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

He never said the friend was normal :)