this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024

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Lemmy Be Wholesome

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Men only want one thing and it's wholesome (lemmy.today)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 109 points 9 months ago (3 children)

That really is one of the best parts of being with someone that will let you be vulnerable as a guy.

We talk about toxic masculinity online, but can can you imagine having to keep that front of "manly man" up even when you're in bed with your spouse/SO? How fucking cruel a world that is.

Sometimes, when you're a man, you end up having to shove all that stress down so you can handle things. Having someone that not only recognizes that, but reaches out to help when it's finally safe to let go of the bullshit is just miraculous. Not having to be the big spoon, to have someone comfort and shelter you, to be your strength when you've run out of it. That's beautiful.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Indeed, it seems that many women have a hard time relating to how difficult it is to be a man in the modern world, especially when you're being told you are undesirable, toxic, and expendable literally everywhere you go these days.

That's why I love this meme though, because instead of fighting fire with fire and demonizing or disparaging women, it encourages a more tender and wholesome solution to the problem.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I fully agree. It's a beautiful meme :)

[–] [email protected] 36 points 9 months ago (3 children)

What's ridiculous is that there are plenty of people who will complain about toxic masculinity, but then tell men to man up, or quit being a bitch if they actually let their guard down. Lots of people have very big double standards between what they think they want, and what they actually want.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Yeah I've heard some women I've dated complain about men not being honest with their feelings and then when one is suddenly they "have the ick" like, seriously? Just be consistent. Don't tell me to be open and then when I tell you about my fears and worries act like I'm a pussy for not being able to handle it myself. I could have, but you wanted it this way and now you're not attracted to me anymore.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

Speaking from the male perspective, I've struggled with this as well. Sometimes it seems being tacit is "rewarded" by esteem.

So firstly, that is a sign that your partner may not be the one for you. But secondly, many of us men do not know how to communicate our emotions very well. We tend to think a breakdown is communication, when that's just as explosion - a loss of control, maybe because the actual emotional communication didn't come soon enough.

I fared a lot better after I payed attention to how women navigate this stuff amongst themselves. They often go back and forth very rapidly with tiny emotionally charged statements, and do lots of following up and outreach. Sometimes they'll do nice stuff for each other that doesn't make sense until you realise it's tied to some other thing.

Lots of multidimensional supporting and being supported going back. And if it's not going both ways, or the sines aren't syncing, then that just means that particular relationship is not 10/10 and that's ok.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Yeah, every time I've allowed myself to be emotionally vulnerable with a woman I was dating it was like a switch flipped on her attraction to me. Nothing was the same after that and I'd much prefer to have sex regularly than have a shoulder to cry on, so I won't be doing that again. Whenever I mention that I always get told "you're just dating the wrong people". Which, ok maybe, but I've never exactly had options lining up around the block.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago

I'll never understand women who don't want a sensitive or emotionally open man. For me, I can't stand men who aren't. When a man is open about his emotions, it makes me feel like he's going to understand better when I get emotional, which is important to me because it happens a lot (bottled up trauma and such.) It's not just something I look for in partners, but also friends.

But I may also have a bit of a different perspective due to being trans and remembering what it's like to be a guy having to bottle everything up until one day I explode in a vicious cycle. It makes me feel good to be somebody's outlet knowing that I can take a little weight off and help keep them from having to go through what I did.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Computer programming is difficult, because the computer does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Just reading this brings tears to my eyes, man. Sometimes you just want to be the little spoon.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Amen to that.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 9 months ago (8 children)

I JUST WANT FINANCIAL STABILITY, MEDICAL CARE, and SOMEWHERE TO LIVE is that SO MUCH TO ASK???

[–] [email protected] 55 points 9 months ago

Capitalists: And I took that personally.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I would like to be the small spoon sometimes…

It really can’t compare to anything when you are stressed or upset, to be held makes a huge difference.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 9 months ago (1 children)

It's nice. My girlfriend is about half my size and she's a good big spoon.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 9 months ago

Jetpacking

[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I mean, I agree with the meme completely, but I’d also want to turn around in their arms and cuddle them right back. I’m a fan of both hugging and being hugged, and it might be a sensory thing.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

I'm not huge of cuddling and tend to get overheated easily when I do, but I find it really pleasurable (non-sexually) when my wife runs her finger/fingernail on my hand or arm. Just light touch in general feels incredibly stimulating, but it's kind of a weird thing to outright ask for so I just kind of enjoy it when it comes around. I also like when my kid steps on my arms or legs when climbing on me. I should probably look into massage therapy.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You feel how you feel but just wondering why this feels like such a weird thing to ask for? My own partner told me he enjoys that kind of light touch (also sensorially rather than sexually) and I try to do it whenever I think about it, and it makes me happy that he's enjoying it, and it's not like it's a struggle for me.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I don't honestly know why it feels so weird. I guess maybe because it feels a little self-serving and silly. Like, asking for a massage serves a function to relieve muscle tension. But asking for stimulating tickles on my arm makes me feel self-conscious for some reason.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Please tell her. I'm sure she will be glad to know that you like it, and will do it more often.

For me it's the opposite, light touches give me discomfort, and firm touches with pressure are comforting from a sensory experience. Talking about it with your partner is really important.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

I second telling her!

And I'm also one for firm squeezes instead. Light touches make me overstimulated. All the light touches for my partner instead!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hey yeah I'm a massage therapist we will do anything you ask as long as it's not sexual or doesn't go beyond the boundaries of the standard sheet-draping protocols.

I'm not suggesting you seek me out specifically, but just letting you know that any massage therapist is trained to meet the needs of the customer. Within the scope of our licensure.

There is a basic protocol and flow that we all generally follow, which DOESN'T include light tickly touches or scratching or squishing or climbing but you CAN request such things if that's what you like.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

That's cool to know. I don't think I would be comfortable seeking the touch/grazing part from a therapist, but I've never had a professional massage and I feel like I'd really benefit from one. My legs especially. I figure it's due to being on my feet full-time at my job, but pushing and dragging my palms along my quads before bed every feels incredible.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

Nothing wrong with that.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

Medical bills are so evil ...

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Man: "alright, fell right into the trap"

Proceeds to cut one

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Well of course you have to fuel the jetpack.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

This is actually how the concept of the modern vibrator was conceived.

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