this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2024

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How will I find financial stability if I live in a third world country with a toxic sociopathic/narcissistic mother, I have no skills (at least I think so), no time and therefore no money? (self.nostupidquestions)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by labbbb to c/[email protected]

55 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I would like to add a description (details), but it would be a very long text.

In short: I have depression, multiple chronic illnesses, C-PTSD, ADHD (btw, I could treat it with Adderall/Adderall XL, but there all drugs are banned, even for medical purposes), no money to rent on my own, poor physical and mental health, some basic things I don't have money for, I don't have a computer and it seems that my laptop will soon broken...

I can’t go to a psychologist because... the quality of education and medicine in this country is terrible, and it’s dangerous to say "everything" here, my mother recently worked, but now she’s left without work and starts doing some kind of crap, she was the one who brought in the income until this time; she feeds me fast food. In this country everyone doesn't give a sh*t about each other, I am surrounded by “broken” people, this is a country full of cynics, sociopaths, and narcissists (consider mentally ill... and genetically defective, apparently).

Like this... I am spoiled, my life and my future are spoiled.

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[–] labbbb 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

...the army of my moronic country has killed thousands of peaceful Ukrainian civilians, foreign media have been writing for a whole year that this country wants to start a war with NATO in 2025.

I'm really sorry, I don't know what to do... I constantly live in stress, anxiety, with a feeling of hopelessness, depression, I'm procrastinate a lot...

Normal people, in principle, do not live in this country. My mother does not consider me to be a person, as, in principle, most ruSSians (these mad dogs) treat each other.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Your English language is excellent, is that something you can use to your benefit? Think teaching, translation, document services

[–] labbbb 13 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Guys, I can understand pretty well what is said in the text in English, but I am not good at listening and speaking English. I can form sentences a little, but I sometimes make serious mistakes, such as putting the tense wrong.

I used an online translator to write the text in this thread.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

English is notoriously one of the hardest languages to learn. Don't worry about getting the tenses wrong. People do that all the time who are conversationally fluent speaking English as a second language. Any native English speaker won't be phased by it, and can easily tell what you're saying.

If someone said they maked a mistake, I wouldn't be confused. If someone said "I was going to the mall yesterday" any native English speaker would know that you meant "I went to the mall yesterday."

Consider that your mental health situation might be giving you some tunnel vision making it easy to rule out viable paths forward. Honestly, if you can read and understand this response, I would say you are generally fluent. At least with reading and writing.

When mental health is flaring negatively, we have a severe negative attention bias. When things are bad enough, someone could give you the actual perfect solution, and a depressed brain will latch on to the small details that make it sound not so good, and rule it out to be not viable. This is just something that anyone struggling with mental health needs to become aware of.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

I believe "I was going to the mall yesterday" is perfectly grammatical. It's in the past continuous tense, if I'm not mistaken, and it would generally be used to describe something we were doing when something else happened.

Replace "going" with "walking", and you have the first sentence in someone's story about, say, the dinosaur attack they witnessed on the way to the mall.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Since I was a kid, I was always told that English is one of the easiest languages to learn. I learned it primarily from movies, shows and videogames. School wasn't very helpful in that regard. My usage of the language is almost exclusively for listening and reading, I speak in it very sparsely. Nobody in my vicinity uses it. So I wouldn't consider myself to be fluent because I have no idea how my conversation with native speaker would go. If I catch myself, I try to think in it every chance I get.

[–] labbbb 1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I agree that English is the easiest language, there are fewer rules than in Russian. And the difficult ones, it seems to me, are Arabic and Chinese

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If you can learn how to code, you could maybe work as a remote programmer and make enough money to leave that hell hole.

[–] labbbb 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

You know, what’s funny... even if I have money and skills, I won’t be able to leave here, because before the age of 30 (it used to be up to 27 years old) you need to have a military ID in order to (not only work officially, but also) from here leave, but even those who served in the army are still sent to the military registration and enlistment office at the border. And this is not surprising, because in this fucking country there is no justice, no respect for human rights, nothing... even if the military registration and enlistment office says that you can cross the border, often in Russian “jurisprudence” it turns out that these government bodies can redirect you back and forth ad infinitum, it's just a mockery... If you don’t have a military ID or you do anyway, then by contacting government agencies, you attract attention (like criminals, no wonder, right?) to yourself; and during mobilization, it seems that only those over 60+ can leave the country

There is still uncertainty with mobilization, that is, the door to your apartment can be hidden at any moment and dragged to the military registration and enlistment office by force. It would be possible to hide from mobilization, but in order to hide from mobilization I need to hide in the forest or in the village, but firstly, I don’t have money, and in the village the products will be of lower quality (even if there are some shops there) , the shops will be unreliable and the prices will be high, other people who live in this village may hand me over to the police; there are no houses anywhere in the forest (nowhere to live), nowhere to buy food, maniacs may be encountered or I can be eaten by bears.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Reading all this seems so unreal to me, since I'm in Sweden. It's like you are living in hell, while I'm in heaven. Sweden has a lot of immigration and of course I understand that when I read stories such as yours.

I'm really sorry that you got born in that country. I was just lucky to get born in this one. It seems like most countries on the planet are pretty bad places. Western and Northern Europe seems to be the best countries.

Hang in there and dont give up hope, even though I know that is easy to say and hard to do.

[–] labbbb 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

At first I thought that “developing” countries were “so what? You can still somehow correct the situation and live”... but now I realized that there is simply a gigantic gap between poor and rich countries.

I used to have a bad opinion of some Western countries (not because of RuSSian propaganda, but because of my own thoughts/beliefs), but now I would live in any Western country, not a “developing” one.

Another thing that makes me “cry” is that the West, of course, has its own problems, but these are modern problems of modern society, problems of the 21st century.

But living in RuSSia, my faith in humanity was fading every day (and, which is beneficial for Pootin, toxicity and bitterness were growing) and I began to ask questions, such as: why do we need a state, lawyers, jurists and laws, when the fucking level life is as if you are the first person on the planet who doesn’t know (who doesn’t care) about technology, who doesn’t have clothes and the main thing for him is to find a piece of “bread” in order to survive.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I think you should try to get to Sweden if you can, or Norway which is even better (even richer). Life is good/safe here, even if you only have a basic job.

If there is a war, maybe not so much, but I doubt northern countries gets attacked.

[–] labbbb 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You Europeans underestimate Pootin. Your countries are also ready now (with Poland, at least), and this is the right decision.

By the way, considering the problem with climate change at this time, Pootin was happy to cause mischief in this regard as well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

TG channel Идите лесом doesn't report a lot of the cases when persons couldn't leave. We both know how it's not exactly an air-tight system on all of it's levels. That's the reason we've came to this and sometimes it works in our favor.

Since you are scarried to shits by the voenkom, I'd suggest to get all papers about your illnesses. One plus chance that can work in the end. And just don't go anywhere if you are warned, stop at any logical step of that process. Have contacts to call volounteering lawyers at yourself at all times. Some even suggest to carry a signed AGS paper, or to make any woman your representative, but I'm yet to do so.

That fear had me by my balls too. I just got used to it. It'd probably be worse for them if they waste all that energy to pack me up and to delegate me with any role, or even a gun, when I'd know I wouldn't survive it anyway. Once again, try to see the best in the worst. Be a fucking problem.

[–] labbbb 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I will, of course, try to gain skills (for example, programming), but again it is difficult due to poor mental health

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Of course, it must be really hard to focus on that when you don't feel you have basic life security even.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

... yikes. That must be hell.

You speak fluent English, any markets for that kind of skill in that area? Could teach maybe?

Unfortunately, the time-honored tradition for people in your situation is to keep your head down, keep quiet and be careful. I imagine you probably already knew that though.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Normal people, in principle, do not live in this country.

They do, it's just that like you they've learnt to be careful about what they say, and to be selfish because they need to survive.

Or they once cared, but life ground them down, so they sought escape in alcohol or whatever. Obviously, this is by design. If people were open about being unhappy about their country, this would threaten the government. Not that this helps, but maybe it'll help you feel less alone.

I can't help you with work, but reading, tv, gaming and podcasts can be a great help when you don't have access to mental health services.

Fiction allows you an escape from your daily reality. English language fiction allows you to learn the language Non-fiction allow you to work on your issues. Not as good as therapy, but better than nothing. If concentrating on long texts is a problem, try listening to audiobooks.

Eg. a good book about PTSD is The Body Keeps the Score.

Oh, and obviously get a VPN and pirate everything, even if it's for your own safety.

[–] labbbb 2 points 10 months ago

I smiled reading your comment.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I already use a VPN, but piracy is bad tho

[–] labbbb 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

The book you recommended is about PTSD, but not a C-PTSD, so I think if it's make sense...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I'm a trauma therapist, The Body Keeps the Score is very good for C-PTSD. You should also read Gabor Mate's books and watch his interview with Tim Ferris on YouTube. It's called Dr Gabor Mate on trauma, addiction, Ayahuasca and more. Read Richard Schwartz work around Internal Family Systems Therapy. He did an amazing interview with Rich Roll called Multiplicity of the Mind.

There's a lot of really good content online if you can't access a therapist. You want to start with making sure you can self regulate and self soothe and build from there. Somatic exercises will help you.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Russia is ranked third highest level of suicide in the world for a good reason. If you need help. PM me.

[–] labbbb 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I just looked, Russia is in 11th place in terms of the number of suicides (Wikipedia), no?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Your country is known for under reporting to the severity of the suicide crisis your generation is having from your equivalent of your baby-boomers and oligarchs grifting from your countries corrupt social programs. If you need someone to talk to, I have your back though.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I've read the post and guessed the country right. Hello, fellow inmate. Sorry you share this faith.

Coding is a good investment in the future, you can read most sources on it too, so you are set. But that takes a lot of resilence to keep on going. I have many troubles with that, and I'm not well in the head too.

There are many little factories and businesses around that hire with a little to no experience and pay you hard cash. I'd consider that in order to fall from the radar. No medical bonuses but like they are worth it. It would occupy you and bring you a starting budget.

After getting some trust in yourself, you can try asking around other places. Shops are good too and they are constantly hiring. People also work in apps, but I've not heard anyone getting it big on them.

Freelance is another way, but you need skills. Writing works for others, doing arts on demand, checking items on e-shops, whatever. These pay peanuts, but generally easy to start if your hands know the tools.

If anything, get some way to distract youself would worth it too. People (the cooler ones), media, charities, hobbies. They are what keeps me going in spite of anxiety.

Also, some psychotherapists seem to work and be open, but you need locals who used them tell which ones since that's a total hit-and-miss. Investigating VK groups can be a start. Expect it to be a private and paid one though. And more chances in big cities, obviously.

Переживи деда, друг.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

This is probably the best advice here. I'm rooting for you guys. Stay safe and do what you got to do.

[–] labbbb 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

VK is another FSB's social media lol

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Sorry to hear.

Getting a valuable skill would probably be the best way to improve your life

[–] labbbb 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Is it possible to learn a skill in 1 year and get a job online?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago

It really depends on what you're aiming for and what your situation is. You know that more than anyone.

My best advice is to try and learn something you're genuinely interested in and something the market wants. Web development for example is usually a safe bet. Try to find communities whether local or online where people share the same goal, and surround yourself with people that can help you if you get stuck or give you good advice.

Ignore your local education if it's not helping you. There's all sorts of materials and free courses online for everything. Even if it's something as simple as cooking, that can be a good goal.

Most importantly, have patience. Learning something new will take time and effort. Finding a job too might take time, but you can do it. Many people have. I'm also in a poor third world country but managed to get a remote job after finishing college.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (2 children)

In short: I have depression, multiple chronic illnesses, C-PTSD, ADHD

If these problems are all in the brain/nerves/psycho area, then maybe you can try manual work, like building construction, or plumbing, or roofing etc... these professions are needed everywhere, usually with an average income = better than poverty.

Just go somewhere and ask openly for a job.

[–] labbbb 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

The entire "business" (there is no business, capitalism or economy in RU) is under the control of the FSB mafia, accordingly, EVEN if there are jobs in my city (I do not live in a large city, but with a population of ~500k people), then they are all busy, because whoever is left in this garbage dump, now everyone is working, that is, the “density” of the RuSSian labor “market” is somewhere around 99.9%, other job offers are fraud.

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[–] labbbb 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

If we talk about physical labor, you will have to work a lot and you will earn very little. However, you will receive your salary in rubles, and their value is falling and falling every day.

Now the RuSSian Central Bank, as usual, is “artificially” holding the ruble (this bullshit has happened more than once), but you can’t fool the economy, and everything will go even worse in a couple of months.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Gotta start somewhere. It would be enough to rent your own place and get out from under your mother.

[–] labbbb 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I agree that you need to start somewhere, but even if you have a higher education, working without stress - 30k rubles (~$300) is the "ceiling" in this country.

Renting a more or less normal apartment costs from 30k rubles per month.

What will you have to live on if you only have to pay 3k for utility bills (10% of your salary), and ~10k for food, it’s a mystery...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

You can complain about "ceiling" and you can complain about medium salary. But all of this complaining does not get you anywhere.

You can start somewhere and earn something, or do not start and earn nothing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

First apartments suggested somewhere on Avito are usually nicer ones for a short term rent to party, guest stay in city or whatever. A shitty room in a soviet-made building when you talk to an owner directly can cost you way less than 30k. Again, VK groups or some limits by price would serve you better.

Being poor is being smart about money. If you need a place just to sleep and browse internet and don't mind walking around to find a better deal on groceries, you can leave dirty cheap.

It won't up to the living standards, but if you genuinelly want to escape your mother, maybe even that's worth it.

I also remembered the other job – month-long shifts in the northern part of the country that pay well even for the simpliest labor. But you need to be fit for that idea and be double sure it wouldn't send you to dig trenches.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Unfortunately, I think your best move would be to flee the country by any means necessary. Do you have any relatives or friends who live abroad? Even if you are sleeping on a air mattress on someone's living room floor, it would be an improvement. I do not think the conditions in your home country will improve anytime soon.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Skills are just a development of a thing you practice. Get good at something you have some love for. Things like programming, mathematics, interpretation are very valuable things to be competent with, and can develop into many useful skills. But anything can be useful, if you practice it enough. Some things, usually art-centric skills tend to be a lot more difficult to use to earn money in my experience.

But take this advice from a former slacker: apply yourself to something and you'll be rewarded.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

I was about to suggest programmation but I reread and found out about the "no-computer" situation...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Sadly, many many people, even in first world countries, struggle to attain financial stability their entire lives, and unfortunately most never do. But do not give up hope.

Do you have any friends or family in another country that can help you and your mother figure out how to legally leave your country to move to another as soon and affordably as possible? It may be an awkward phone call or letter or any way to communicate, but it is important to take this into real consideration. Sometimes a big change is necessary to make your opportunities in life more favorable to you.

How willing are you to work? If you think "there are jobs that I simply cannot do," why do you think you cannot do them? Is it a legal or physical limitation, or is it because "I don't want to?" Take any jobs you can, even if its not the job you want. Work hard and work often. You will probably have to take multiple jobs. See if you can help your mother to find work also.

Find a hobby you like. Not all hobbies cost money, some are as simple as star gazing. Whatever it is that you find interesting or enjoyable, try to do that in your spare time often. Hobbies can help you relax and take your mind off of daily worries. They can help improve your mental health, at least until you can afford a medical professional.

I won't sugarcoat it, you have a tough road ahead of you. But put in the hard work and its possible you can change your situation. If you never believe you can change it and you never try, then you never will. But if you believe you can, and you try very hard, then maybe you can. A man can only get to his destination if he walks there, right? He won't be going anywhere if he never moves.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

In your situation I would probably try to learn programming.

You can start at home, little entry barrier
resources are found online
good programmers have huge income potential including internationally
are and will be in demand for the foreseeable future (with AI on the horizon maybe not as they are used now, but truly savvy people will be needed 100%)
if you manage to write something useful on your own you can possibly license it out and generate income that way

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Missed the part where he doesn't have a computer?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

He has one that might break soon ish, but getting a cheap basic computer together is really somewhat affordable, and I would say the best feasible option for someone in that position:

Physical labor is out of the question, getting employed for something else requires prior qualification that he doesn’t have. The mental health issue will make it additionally difficult to be perceived as reliable.

So the best course of action is to either up his qualifications or go in business for himself, both would be (more) feasible this way.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

People have already offered you some good advice and I just want to send hugs and love from a fellow Mordorian.

I think before you start something, you may want to balance your mental state first. Not improving but balancing it would be a good start. I know that would be hard without proper medication and care, but still.

What worked for me was having several days or even weeks off Internet, social media, and being as far away from other people as possible. To avoid drama (you might know what I'm talking about), I would invent some reason to stay alone that wouldn't raise suspicions in them like having to study or help a friend with some project. Then I would try to focus entirely on my body not thoughts, maybe take a walk or listen to fav bands in a way when you let music replace your thoughts so that it becomes your thoughts.

Actually, this resembles all that meditation shit, and sometimes it helps. Your goal is a detached attitude that you can use to make plans without having to consider any unnecessary feelings.

Once again, you're not alone, I love you, and more people around are open to love than you think.

[–] labbbb 4 points 10 months ago

I recently read the advice of using social media/reading the news every day for a maximum of 30 minutes and it helped me. Not only did I, let’s say, calm down a little, but I also stopped wasting time all day long.

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