Choosing my president based off how many chairs they could carry when the teacher asked for help in the gym

The next election shouldn't be debates. No ads, no rallies. It should just be these two geriatric fucking goons having a pizza carrying contest. The one that can carry the most gets the nukey nuke button.

Oh yeah, well Stalin personally carried all the grain out of Ukraine with one giant spoon, checkmate liberals

fair enough, most trump supporters would need an f150 to carry 8 pizzas

you may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like

New American measurement unit just dropped. Old man strength/dexterity measured in pizzas carried

can y'all imagine how sad an Iowa pizza is

a 8 year old's idea of presidential success

showing my manliness by carrying 9 pizzas

i wish this was how low the bar was when i was a kid, then i wouldn't have believed any of the USA #1 shit at all

Trump could never throat that much glizzy.

OK let’s not pretend like we haven’t gushed over that clip of Bernie running.

i could carry 9 pizzas

part 2

The sad thing is that I totally agree.

Readers added context:

the boxes were actually empty, he probably could have carried more if they were full tho.

Probably true tbh

I fell my face into the pizza and I cried so much