askchapo

Eh, neutral. Been switching between depressed and fine. Currently on fine, with terrible weather conditions slightly reducing my hours and compelling me to stay indoors and relax a little. Getting some reading in.

Just saw May December. Pretty good!

my stupid car is shitting its guts out and i'm starting to think i need a better way to make money. and the fact that it's cold as balls doesn't help. also the guy at the gas station accused me of trying to shoplift a drink even though i'm in there all the time and i've never stolen a single thing there and he just kept doubling down for no reason just cuz i look like a piece of shit.

It sucks that the things that used to keep be well, or at least better, are mostly beyond my reach and have been for a long time now.

It sucks that the overwhelming majority of advice for this might as well be cooking lessons for people who are starving or investment courses for people living below the poverty line; better management of a situation doesn't address it when there's a fundamental shortfall and often the shortfall itself is what puts the opportunity for better management out of reach.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired.

I'm having some communication issues with a comrade at the moment that are really piquing my anxieties and some old trauma wounds. I need to suck it up and talk to them I guess.

other than that, I'm doing miraculously well.

I'm doing good but cold brrrrr

Deep on my garden grindset, at least until the ground froze. I've been doing a ton of research on veganic gardening while i'm trapped inside. I'm motivated to find a job, looking every week but haven't found the perfect one to swap to yet. My job is fine, i just feel like it's lowkey misogynist and not what i want to be doing for the rest of my life so i can ride it out until i find a better one.

I want the world to change so much yet there are so many fighting that. It hurts at times, but it feels empowering when you realize that despite that, you can actually do a lot as one person. Maybe i can't change the world, but i can make it more pleasant for those around me in a limited capacity. And maybe that's fine. Maybe if everyone did that, we'd be okay. If nothing else i can do is offer solidarity to someone to needs it, at least i'll have done something.

better than before. legit like 2 days after joining the kapital book club my friend's mom died so we've been caught up with that but things are starting to settle somewhat now, so hopefully i can catch up 🙏

Quite truly awful lately. A few days ago I just stopped sleeping well at all, so where I immediately can't function if I don't get 8 hours sleep for a single night, I've now had 4-5 nights of 4-5 hours. I am a zombie.

I'm not sure why, but it suspect it's due to the high stress from my workplace making absolutely dogshit awful changes that will make my job significantly worse indefinitely, my car failing so I need a new one, my loan renewal date coming up, and trying to plan out like 900 things that need planning. I can't handle the stress of like one of those things, never mind all of them.