So a week or two ago I was talking to my therapist about how I've had the urge to express more "soft" emotion which may or may not have come through in some of my posting here

Anyway I talked about how wrong it felt to express that as the person I am currently. Like I want to squee over cute things and lavish affection on people I care about but it makes me feel like such a goober, like it's uniquely ill-suited to me. I asked if that sounded like gender dysphoria and she was like "yeah pretty much lol". I think it's the first concrete instance of that I can express, which is nice in some ways that I can put a finger on it, but it's putting a finger on something negative :/

Another one I just thought of recently was smiling. I hate when I smile involuntarily, I feel so idiotic and ugly when I do it. Maybe that's just normal low self esteem tho 🙃

Guymoding for a week has made me feel so fucking weird and confused. Like I'm way less confident in my transness than I was before I left to see family. Honestly just feeling disgusted with myself

it's the last queer thread of the year

hope everyone is doing well!

Conflicted. My sister was trying to be supportive and asking if I had a boyfriend, but as soon as she got drunk she made some homophobic remarks. At least she’s trying.

Today (Dec 30th) officially marks the end of my fourth week on HRT. Haven't noticed too many changes physically, mentally, or emotionally. My skin feels softer i think but that may be placebo and i swear the redness on my legs and thighs is starting to clear up in splotches but that could be me noticing things that have always been there...

Anyway this entire month I've been really craving some trans and queer focused content (and shitposts) that isn't just video essays (i do love video essays i just feel like something more easily digested) but I'm not sure where to look.

I rewatched The Bisexual but that's pretty much it. Feeling like I might just reread Nevada for the hell of it.

Ok I matched with a girl on a dating app. We haven't met yet but I think we're gonna this Friday, she's looking for queer community so I'm inviting my friend too because I feel like she'd quickly join our friend group. But also I'm feeling very gay feelings for her based on just our conversation lol

Did estrogen actually sharpen anybody else's jawline? Face looks a bit more feminine but in an androgynous but still extremely male masculine model type of way with prominent cheekbones, sharp jawline but soft features elsewhere :/ Think it's cause the fat transfer?

I just don't want to lie to myself anymore but I have no idea what the truth is. It's so frightening to think about talking to anyone but my online friends about it even though I'm surrounded by positive people. I think I need to look into therapy and figure things out. (Apologies to Sonic if I turn out to be cishet. )

I can tell I'm not reading the required amount of sapphic things when

• my moodswings get out of control

• I start reading thru really bad yuri manga if someone mentions it

• I antagonise queer libs by saying things like "The US is an illegitimate failed state built on the backs of slaves, genocidal bloodshed and stolen land" appropos of nothing

I must feed my desire for fictional gayness or risk becoming more dysfunctional.

"It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out"

Hits in a lot of different ways

Posting again to get out a small dilemma I've been having internally.

There's a name that I want to make my chosen name, but it wouldn't fit into my culture traditionally. I've been ruminating on it for a bit, but the other thing is that I don't think I really care much about my ethnic culture. I'm also not even sure I want to fully come out to my parents/family if I can avoid it. But choosing a name that's a bit more anglo when I'm hispanic feels kinda weird in a way? Idk.

Any other trans bipoc go through something similar? I'd love to hear about y'all's thoughts on this.

edit: huh after posting this I realized my girlfriend's sisters both have more anglo names despite also being hispanic. maybe I'm worrying about this too much

I still have a very dumb but huge crush on the libbest possible chick conceivable. It's really annoying, I haven't felt like this since like high school. I don't know what the fuck sparked it, I haven't even seen her face (she hides it/censors it in pics which I understand as a fellow trans girl). Wish I could say more about it other than being frustrated it's happening lmao

It's been weird thinking about growing up and peeling back layers of what my parents wanted me to be as a boy. I still identify as masculine, but less so than a lot of my peers. And that's awkward, given that I'm tall and have a lot of masculine coffee mannerisms ingrained in me.

I'm trying to think of ways to safely explore my gender/presentation for the new year

My friends keep asking me if I'm flirting with them

Well, yeah, I am but you weren't supposed to notice

I'm gettin prog, I've been asking for it for like a year. But now it's TIME. Prog me, I'm ready

2 years of HRT done, gimme the prog doc I want it

Any injection folks not have any real schedule to their dosing? I've been so depressed the last few months I do once every 5-7 days, .175 - .25mL, just kinda adjusting the volume based on how long ago I last injected

[CW: Sex, no graphic descriptions] I've been on E for a while and recently started taking certain "men's health" supplements to help me restore my libido. I am currently taking Magnesium, Zinc, Vitamin C, and Ashwaghanda. That's worked and been great, but also it completely resolved my GI issues which is the real success! Apparently its the magnesium, but I'm taking one or two solid shits a day and have had zero bloating or other discomfort. I've even been eating more trigger foods with the holidays and all @.@ It's almost upsetting to know that it was always possible to feel this good. It's also improved my energy level and my anxiety.

PSA: Take Magnesium! It helps with anxiety and makes your regular. Top heavy metal fr.