News from within the empire - From a leftist perspective
I swear to defend my country against enemies both foreign and domestic, whole or separated into constituent cloves, whether or not peeled, chilled, fresh, frozen, provisionally preserved or packed in water or other neutral substance, and the threat they pose to US. national security.
🤣
As capitalist, he is only capital personified. His soul is the soul of capital. But capital has one single life impulse, the tendency to create value and surplus-value, to make its constant factor, the means of production, absorb the greatest possible amount of surplus-labour. Capital is dead labour, that, vampire-like, only lives by sucking living labour, and lives the more, the more labour it sucks.
I'm starting to think Marx wasn't just using an allegory there.
Chinese garlic growers develop holy water irrigation system, but at what cost?
Communist China’s growth practices are well-documented in the public domain, from cooking blogs and home magazines to YouTube videos and documentaries. These practices include such offenses as fertilizing garlic with human feces and forms of sewage, growing garlic in sewage, bleaching garlic to make it appear whiter and cleaner to the eye after its growth in unsanitary conditions, and stripping the root end from garlic before it enters U.S. markets as to make it appear more appealing and also to comply with U.S. laws regarding prevention of soil-borne diseases and contaminants.
God forbid Communist China ... complies with our regulations?
These practices include such offenses as fertilizing garlic with human feces and forms of sewage, growing garlic in sewage
From https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/you-asked/it-true-garlic-china-grown-human-feces-and-watered-urine
there is no evidence that garlic in China is fertilized in this fashion. In any case, there is no problem with this, human waste is as effective a fertilizer as is animal waste. Spreading human sewage on fields that grow crops doesn't sound appealing, but it is safer than you might think.
That would be my guess too at first glance. What do they think manure is if they're grossed out at sewage? As long as it's treated properly to reduce pathogens then it's just "ew yucky I don't like the real world".
God damn Americans are so divorced from the source of their food. I thought it was common knowledge that manure is a natural fertilizer.
Isn't “the Martian” an American movie?
Maybe Americans would be okay if Matt Damon shat on their garlic.
They spray fields here with pig shit regularly it’s how salmonella gets into the bagged salad
Tons of fertilizers are processed biosolids. Granulite and Milorganite are common brands.
People freak out about the bacteria, PFAS, or pharmaceuticals that it introduces into the food supply, but it's not substantially different in quantity from animal waste which is the only other source used at scale.
I went looking for stats because of this and apparently China grows 75 motherfucking percent of the world's garlic. I knew we love garlic but I didn't know we grew so much of it!
China grows about 20 million tons, followed by India at about 3 million, then number three is Bangladesh with about half a million. America is number 11 with only 175k tons.
I hope you Yanks enjoy your inevitable corn-based garlic-style seasoning powder soon.
Another weird stat, given how incredibly easy it is grow garlic:
Step 1) Put clove in soil
Step 2) Get more garlic
The soil part isn't even really mandatory the fuckers will try to make more garlic if you forget about them in a dark cupboard.
I hope you Yanks enjoy your inevitable corn-based garlic-style seasoning powder soon.
It will be so 
After one hundred-year vampire 
died, other vampires are scared of being killed by pure communist garlic.
I’m glad this country is so stable that Fucking Garlic can strike fear into our hearts, great sign for us
These people are vampires.
Vampires are often allegory for aristocrats, but I think they can represent capitalists as well, because both classes are parasites in their respective time periods.
Is there any piece of media that depicts a vampire with capitalist aesthetic?
The classic world of darkness has a vampire clan associated with capitalists called the Ventrue.
Here is some info from the white wolf wiki. https://whitewolf.fandom.com/wiki/Ventrue_(VTM)
I'm really trying not to make a joke about white people considering spices and aromatics a national security threat.
Further proof that the US is run by vampires
Food safety (...) is an existential emergency that poses (a) grave threat to our (...) economic prosperity
Fixed to reflect the priorites of our corn syrup-based government
The economic prosperity part was the big give-away
Vampiric States of America
So I’ve seen something like this on tiktok, weirdo food people were spreading propaganda that Chinese garlic was poisoned with bleach and that Chinese peeled garlic was peeled by mouth and therefore bacteria infested.
and that Chinese peeled garlic was peeled by mouth
This might literally be the dumbest thing I've heard this month.
It’s literally bonkers. They showed “footage” of this peeling process of women sitting on the floor peeling the garlic with their teeth, supposedly as it’s not confirmed that’s what they were doing. It’s not good footage and it’s clearly bullshit. Why the hell would one of the most technologically advanced nations peel garlic this way when we have better methods? I can peel garlic at home by shoving the cloves in a container, shaking it around a bit, and suddenly it’s peeled. Hell, even putting the cloves in hot water helps peel. It’s just turbo racism.
Whitest Senator Afraid of Flavor
Y'know, the insults of calling the US run by "blood-sucking vampiric ghouls" or something similar, I never thought it could be close to literal, but here we are I guess.
We are calling for an immediate investigation into wooden stakes
Sinister Communist plot to season food
Guess the Fentanyl fear-mongering didn't land as well so now they're going with this
If garlic is such a threat to the American people, then why isn’t garlic (and other alliums) allergies covered by any overly priced health insurance plan I’ve seen?
COMMUNIST CHINA
Damn. Imma gonna sell my garlic bulbs as freedom garlic.
Such an easy to grow plant.
Good dirt, plant biggest cloves from biggest bulbs pointy end up barely below surface. Mulch with dead leaves in late autumn. Cut away flower scapes and eat them on salads. Water well weekly. Harvest when leaves start to brown. Repeat ad infinitum.
I already liked and supported garlic, and then it declared war on the United States. Garlic truly is a wonderful thing.
They did this with Iran and pistachios too. The Wonderful company lobbied to stop imports of Iranian pistachios because they were competition.
i knew it, USA is ruled by fkn vampires!
Of course it’s Rick Scott.
I botched my Willpower save
Rick Scott can Gar-lic Deez nuts!
We are a deeply serious country, I swear 🤬
I got some garlic from China recently, unlike my normal garlic cloves, this one was powdered. Why was it in a powder form China?! What are you hiding? The garlic powder could be tiny nano micro-phones for spying!
There was a documentary about Chinese peeled garlic around 5 years ago.
I'm reminded of that weird news story a couple years back when the government raised to alarm on seeds from China people were getting in the mail.