Oh my god I want to scream "ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!?" at my sibling.

He did "the talk" at me. Of course as all the previous ones it was "You WILL let Michelle violate your boundaries. You WILL let her speak over you and stomp on your personal aspirations."

Oh and don't forget constantly moving the goal posts of "yOu CaN't Be InDePeNdEnT" all of whom are:

-Shit I can already do but the goal posts are constantly moved so "Oh look! You actually can't do this thing!" -"Michelle does all that stuff for you! No, you're not allowed to interrogate as to why that's the case. No, you can't learn and then do these things on your own. How else are you supposed to be absolutely πŸ‘ŒfuckedπŸ‘Œ when Michelle finally dies?"

Cue in the bit where my sibling responds with "Well I let Michelle have access to all of my finances and stuff!"

At which point my jaw metaphorically dropped. I probably did that "blinking of disbelief" thing.

Like HOLY SHIT! Dear god that's horrifying!

Helping out with financial stuff is one thing. Letting someone have full unfettered access to your finances is another.

It's like the phone password sharing thing some romantic couples do. That is some full on evil maid level shit!

Relationship goes south, you are utterly fucked.

Relationship could be straight out of a romance novel with Good Soviet Valuesβ„’ and that's still incredibly creepy and invasive.

All of you are going to the Gulag, and you're learning how to set and enforce healthy boundaries. Fucking hell.

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[–] 22 points 6 days ago* (4 children)

How are people supposed to learn healthy boundaries when corporations violate them all the time.

Modern parents are really fucked up with it too. Whenever I see parents my age track and monitor their kids to the level of having gps tracking on their phones and access to chat logs I'm thinking "Holy shit, this is tech we used to freak out about abusive boyfriends having."

I've asked parents who do this if they're worried when their kid grows up they won't understand healthy boundaries with their partners because they're used to it from childhood. It's always "Oh it's different when I do it, I'm their parent." It's like yeah dude thats not the point.

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  • [–] [S] 12 points 6 days ago (2 children)

    Michelle wanted my to install the "life360" malware on my phone.

    No thank you! Already have the likes of the NSA tracking me. I don't need to add my abusive "mom" on top of that.

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  • [–] 2 points 6 days ago

    Like 15 years ago, I managed a phone store and we had so many people coming in with that type of shit. I'm talking like multiple women every week walking into the store for help because a stalker or harasser had compromised their phone and is tracking them. I ended up on a first name basis with some local swine (ACAB includes dispatchers) because so many creepy men came in asking for advice on how to commit this felony and I had to call it in since I was the manager.

    The CWA used to tell you that you were essentially a mandatory reporter. There used to be a hotline for connecting them with a Fed whose job it was to investigate these things.

    All of this is gone now, and the cell phone company now offers all those features for free with the monthly subscription. doggirl-gloom

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  • [–] 16 points 6 days ago (1 child)

    "Hi, I have extremely absurd boundaries and can't truly trust anyone because I was raised by an emotionally abusive parent!"

    Abusive households will often have a sibling (or multiple) who are given preferential treatment by the abuser, and as such, don't see the abuser as nearly as bad as their more heavily abused siblings will, which in turn just makes them work on behalf of the abuser, trying to normalise their abuse as you are dealing with here. cuddle

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  • [–] [S] 7 points 6 days ago

    Oh shit you're right!

    Throw in "ablesplaining" and "forced unwelcomed help" and you get the utter hell I live in.

    Also doesn't help my sibling is a spineless liberal who has no real principles.

    Fucking claimed to support trans people but then got snippy with me coming out "because I'm doing it to piss people off".

    He full on pushed back on my stating Michelle is abusive.

    Hell he doesn't even know a lick of what abusive parenting looks like. I've read, and will continue to read, the life experiences of abusive households. That has taught me what patterns and stuff to look for.

    My sibling avoids that stuff like the plague.

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  • [–] 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 child)

    It's like the phone password sharing thing some romantic couples do.

    shrug-outta-hecks my SO is also a communist and a joint bank account is frankly in my favor cause they make more money and have a better rate. I understand the concept of zero trust but this is someone that basically fixed my shit life and is the most compassionate person I've ever met? And not trusting them reduces our combined wealth over time. I get where you're coming from though.

    If I ever die they got some specific passwords to inform people I know online about it, but they don't know all my passwords.

    That said, I could never imagine my parents controlling my finances, they're very bad at theirs. I'm not looking forward to the day they croak and having to untangle it all.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 6 days ago

    If I ever die they got some specific passwords to inform people I know online about it, but they don't know all my passwords.

    I need to get that sorted out. I don't want my online presence to become ghosts after I die.

    I'm thinking...... Giving them to my nieces!

    That said, I could never imagine my parents controlling my finances, they're very bad at theirs. I'm not looking forward to the day they croak and having to untangle it all.

    Honestly? Might be worth confronting that now. I'm a computer programmer and electronics nerd, but I'm imagining the legal stuff gets MORE complicated when someone dies.

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  • [–] 3 points 6 days ago

    i feel like i'm hearing the second half of a conversation where i was not part of the first half.

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