I took my electric dirtbike project out for a spin last with my 360 camera on it. I also had some ahem bust enhancers on. The camera angle plus the lens distortion made me look thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. I had that Mrs. Incredible figure. Needless to say it’s now my favorite video of myself now.

I watched the gamescom Total War 40k playthrough 1h 40min vid and just the amount of customizing you can do is going to make me buy this shitty fucking game1, goddamnit

1. might not be that shitty tbh

also i think i'm done with this squad of howling banshees

spoiler

i think they turned out pretty nice for the first models i've ever painted

It's so cozy rn. The rain is pattering on the windows, the sky is just starting to light up with a blueish-grey light, and it's a crisp early fall feeling day. I should go check if the fire is still on, it probably needs coaxing back to life. I should journal a bit.

I also found the first Maximum Ride book at a thrift store which was a very important series to me back when I was a kid, I'm excited to re-read it and see how it holds up.

Right now I'm debating whether to read or journal.

oops, i accidentally played geneforge 5 until 3 in the morning

Went to gym for the first time in ages, mostly to try to resolve my back hurting. Had mild thoughts of whether some exercises were more gender affirming than others. Probably. I can't lift my arms atm

Me on hexbear clicking refresh for notifications despite the fact that I haven't posted anything:

Max Miller x Jon Townsend enemies to lovers fic

ah shit this ain't google

Been playing the missions from Mario kart DS and they're peak. Wish Nintendo had ever brought them back.

The DS lite is honestly still such a nice device. Comparing it to my DSi- just physically I think I like it better. The dsi has stupid volume buttons instead of a slider. Glad they brought that back for the 3ds. Dsi also just looks kinda ugly in comparison. I like the little logo the DS lite has on it.

Semi related I am workshopping my mega post lol

Me and my gf made some vegan carrot soup but only this mega gets to see it : )

Tvp bacon on top ofc

Theres this one bar in town that does vegan pub fare, they dont advertise theyre vegan, its actually not even listed that theyre vegan on the menu but like as youre reading it you realize... none of these have meat or animal products (they have like vegan chicken wings or veggie burgers or vegan mozza sticks). Anyway, I really like it and I wanna eat their food tonight but its so far away...

metaphor for dysphoria

I feel like I was born without legs. Everyone says I have legs. Every external indicator says I have legs. But something has always felt wrong. Sometimes that feeling was in the background and I could function well enough. Sometimes it was at the forefront and something that should so obviously be doable felt completely impossible for some inexplicable reason.

One of those impossible things is the marathon I've been entered into without my consent. Learning the theory of running doesn't actually require having legs, so I was able to do that. All the more evidence for the external world that I actually do have legs. But I can't actually run. It seems so incredibly easy to understand once I realised I didn't have legs. Even as the phantom pain from the legs I don't have consumes me, it feels like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel in addition to the oncoming train. I need to be pulled from the marathon, given prosthetics, and provided with a safe environment where I can learn to walk.

Unfortunately, I live in the only country in the world that would still tell me to go fuck myself if this was about actual legs. Without preexisting wealth or a significant support network capable of providing material support, prosthetics are unobtainable. All I can hope for is to be told to pull myself up by the leg straps. The marathon maintains this cruelty. Anyone who cannot run fast enough is eliminated. My execution is all but preordained, but as the phantom pain continues to gnaw away at me I'm not even sure I'll live to see it.

Last few days have been rough, but I hope things will get better. Yesterday I had to use my voice lot, and it sucked, specially when I heard it back a few times, but I also had fun playing Bombanana with my brother and a friend.

Also the fuck is wrong the climate these past few days here? Like 3 days ago was 37ºC, now it's 19ºC

Sometimes I feel like I don't really fit into the site culture and I embarrass myself whenever I post. I like this site and won't be leaving though.

I want to try this recipe but I don't have a waffle iron.

May have to run out randomly in the week to get one and attempt the recipe.

Girl moding in a skirt yesterday. I felt cute. And nice. It was worth it. Went to the big city to get clothes. Ate lunch instead.

I want to get an umbrella, give me tips on umbrellas.

petra

The heart is empty and I feel no joy

You should try egg cake for breakfast. Very easy to make

1. Eggs in bowl
2. Boiling water by the side
3. Put some spoonfuls of boiling water in the eggs and mix well until its becomes a yellow thin liquid.
4. Put the bowl in the boiling water (with some support) and cover the lid to steam the egg mix
5. After it cooks, remove the bowl and cut slices into the egg cake. Then put soy sauce and oil on top to let it drain into the cake.

The timings and ingredients you can figure out. Idfk tbh. I just vibed it.

Next time I'll try to add seasoning into the egg cake mix beforehand because this method didn't give suffienct seasoning penetration. I'll also try to make a sweet version of this by adding sugar (and flour?) to the egg mix.

photo of my attempt

it is september 7 and stalin saved the world from fascism