I suspect we'll be hearing about how Mitch "suddenly passed" some time in the next 24 hours.

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[–] [S] 158 points 2 months ago* (21 children)

Dear FBI surveillance team,

This post is not in anyway a threat. It is merely a prediction of the end to the Weekend at Bernie's situation going on with Mitch McConnell. Since today is the last day a special election can be called upon his death, I expect they'll thaw out his corpse tonight and announce his official death tomorrow.

Warm regards,

jballs

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  • [–] 108 points 2 months ago (5 children)

    Dear jballs,

    Dude, I'm just as tired of this shitshow as you are. My boss is a drunk frat boy, his boss is a rapist pedophile, and I'm just trying to feed my family. We're good.

    • Your assigned FBI agent who has to pretend to be a random Lemmy user
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  • [–] 39 points 2 months ago (3 children)

    Dear Jballs and HumanOnEarth, we here at the CIA have a dead pool going on when the “announcement” will be. I have it for the 7th at end of day. If anyone wants in on this action let me know

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  • [–] 31 points 2 months ago (5 children)

    The white Flowers By Irene van is certainly not outside your house right now.

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  • [–] 36 points 2 months ago (4 children)


    It looks like Shackleford got there first.

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  • [–] 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    Lmao what is this from? Can't find it

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  • [–] 16 points 2 months ago (6 children)

    You inspired me to make a community. I had no idea there wasn't a real best of lemmy on lemmy yet

    https://sh.itjust.works/c/best_of_lemmy

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  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago* (3 children)
  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago* (2 children)
  • [–] 4 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    May have started that way, but it's not being used such. Frankly though, it's not being used much at all lately, so if you can make a better one then I'm all for it

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  • [–] 26 points 2 months ago (4 children)

    I feel like it wouldn't be possible to hide the time of death for so long. My guess is he's simply incapacitated but we'll see.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago* (3 children)

    Eh, stick him in a freezer. Then you just gotta make sure he defrosts in the refrigerator, shouldn't take more than about two, maybe three days. Whatever the turkey rule is. As long as nobody looks too closely, you can't really see the cell damage from ice.

    So, give it two, maybe three days.

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  • [–] 7 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    The problem is, there's no way this would stay quiet if he was actually dead. There were 7 people directly involved and about 60 ultimately charged for Watergate, and that leaked like a sieve. Granted they were caught, but if he was an actual corpse there's no way someone wouldn't leak something. Now incapacitated, sure.

    But if the dead man was on ice for a while here you can bet people are absolutely going to look into exactly how long he has been dead for. This has been way too high profile for them to try to just hand wave it through.

    I really think he is just mentally useless. You saw the guy freezing and falling for months. I think whatever happened, he's not dead, they're just pretending "oh yeah he will be right back, just a minute." Until the timeline passes, then it'll be "oops actually ya know what he's just gonna go ahead and resign" because he isn't publicly functional anymore. He hasn't been for years, but this last illness/injury just pushed him over the line. They were probably just trying to get him to the next election cycle, and this injury pushed up the timeline so they had to bluff to the "finish line".

    Still absolute horseshit either way. I don't think he's been "valid" for years.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 months ago

    You're probably correct, but (a) there was a leak, in that someone leaked the dude had to get ambulanced out of his house about two weeks after it happened, and (b) people definitely learned from Watergate. I saw an article in politico the other day of some anonymous senior staffer for the GOP complaining that the new generation was selected entirely on ideological loyalty, and most of them are either incompetent or simply dumb.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago*

    Just get the facility staff to fudge the paperwork. No need for elaborate nonsense. It isn't like they are just going to allow any random person to come and check the corpse's liver temp.

    All they have to do is announce it, get staff to fudge the paperwork to look legit, then they embalm the body for the funeral or cremation and the evidence is gone.

    There is also the possibility he is clinically dead (no brain activity but still has biological activity) but not physically dead (no biological activity whatsoever) and they are just going to have his wife conveniently decide to pull the plug. Then there is no need to fudge the numbers.

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  • [–] 25 points 2 months ago (4 children)

    I think they would have incentive to still keep him on life support until the next congress is sworn in.

    Until then he and his staff keep collecting paychecks.

    It also guarantees the seat stays vacant for as long as possible, whereas announcing his death now leaves open the possibility that the governor appoints a replacement which might stand up even if they try to sue to block it.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    IIRC, the governor can't just name a replacement. They would have to call a special election. This special election would have allowed Thomas Massie to run, and potentially become the incumbent for the midterm election. This is why they have held off on announcing his death for so long

    Though, now it is too late to call one, so they have no more reason to keep the charade going. Even if they announce his death, the seat will remain vacant and the midterms will decide who takes the seat.

    This is my understanding of the situation.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    Governor was never going to be able to appoint a replacement, Kentucky specifically removed Beshear's power of appointment because they saw he was a democrat.

    Realistically, there was never going to be an election before November, so in practice the "Mitch must make it past the special election deadline" was about the time between November and January. The special election would have been effective immediately, whereas the normal election is effective in January, even if the special election was on the exact same day the normal election would have been.

    Note that Lindsey Graham's death was no big deal because that republican governor had appointment power.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 2 months ago

    It's my understanding that the Kentucky constitution gives the governor power to appoint a replacement - then the legislature passed a law that took that power away since the governor is a Democrat.

    But that law would obviously be found unconstitutional if challenged. They'd have to pass an amendment to take that power away, not a law.

    But Democrats did Democrat things and just rolled over instead of fighting.

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  • [–] 16 points 2 months ago*

    Twas the night before Mitchmas

    And all through the house

    Not a creature was stirring,

    Especially Mitch.

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  • [–] 12 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    He's got to be getting stinky by now

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  • [–] 7 points 2 months ago

    They might wait an extra day or two to prove that they didn’t have any idea about there being upcoming midterms only three short months away

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  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago
    [–] 5 points 2 months ago

    Somebody euthanize this turtle please

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