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How do you deal with feelings of hopelessness? (CW: suicidal ideation) (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 hours ago by SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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No matter what I do, it feels hopeless, I feel hopeless. I'm in poverty in the USA and I'm just trying to fucking stay alive. I have a therapist but I've seen her twice and haven't been able to get scheduled since, which was almost three months ago now. I just gave up. It feels insurmountable. I feel like the life I wanted was stolen from me by my family, my fellow citizens, my country.

I spend every day staring at a screen and talking to no one in real life except the family I caretake for. I do my best, but I bitterly resent them for what they put me through, how they made clear this fucking house we live in was more valuable to them than their own child.

I'll never forget the fear I had put in me when I was caught crossdressing, and just let it go until more than a decade later when I was almost thirty, and even then it took me years to wrestle with my own feelings.

I know Medicaid covers a lot, but I'm probably losing Medicaid this spring because my cancer isn't cancery enough or whatever. I've been waiting on even getting a first hearing for disability and it feels like it will never come and I scrape by on nothing.

I don't even have my own bed. How can I even realistically pursue anything? I can't even talk about how much it makes me want to kill myself without getting institutionalized. I feel like I may as well just die now because I'm wasting time, that no one will love me, that no one cares, that I'm just one more easily forgotten casualty of the American Empire that has been murdering with impunity for generations.

I'm sorry I'm crashing out. It just all feels so pointless and fruitless and like I may as well die as the ugly man that I am. I've been falling apart ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, and I'm so tired of being treated like I should just toughen up and get over it or something since "I'm a man" or what the fuck ever. I hate it I hate I hate it I hate it

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[-] erinmeow@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

nya......... idk how i deal, just surviving, im in r*zzia, aka biggest empire in the world

medicine is actually uncovered as whole basically, like govr provided exist, but its just sux for everybody, instead pay a ton of shit for private clinics which anyway sux, any med? pay pay pay pay pay

everything is shit everything is awful

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 hour ago

I wish we weren't both stuck in awful empires 😭

[-] sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 hours ago

Life is already horrible and having issues like that make it even harder.

IDK what to say, I'm also the same. In Canada, they don't cover anything for gender affirming stuff, they want us dead. All I can do is making others insecure proudly, because this is what they voted for (conservatives including "liberals").

Just survive, do whatever it takes girl, just survive.

We care about you. <3

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago

Thank you for caring. It really is rough out here. I struggle being alone, and I spend so much time alone.

[-] sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 hours ago

Almost everyone is lonely, we have to get used to it I guess.

Just find a job, work like a slave, daily routines, and repeat them all until you're dead.

This is called "life". Enjoy it.

Why do you think people stopped having kids? Life is shit for everyone, there is no meaning. Boring boring boring.

"Have kids, be happy!" was a CIA/Mossad propaganda, after people saw the big picture people stopped having kids.

[-] waveyvibes@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 hours ago

I would recommend. The feeling Good book by David burns. I was feeling like this just this morning. The method suggested got me out the dark cloud.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 hours ago

thank you for the suggestion, I'll try to find a copy tonight

[-] archaeholic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 hours ago

Honestly I let spite take over when I get like that. There's too many people on my list of obituaries I need to see before I die. And I'm not going to let a world that doesn't want me dictate what I do with my life. I don't have hope that I can fully reclaim the life I deserved to live. I don't have hope that I will fully recover from the traumas I've faced, or that some sort of justice will befall the ones who have wronged me or stolen parts of me.

But I do have hope that by still persisting, even if fueled by nothing other than spite, maybe my life can be the inspiration for another trans person to also persist. Maybe even saving them from some of the struggles I've encountered.

And if I can ruin some transphobes day just by existing, well that's just a bonus.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 hours ago

I spite the person I caretake for, I wish I didn't have to live here to not be on the street, it would make things a lot easier for sure.

I wish getting transphobes upset would be enough, but it's my own stupid mind that hates me and thinks I'm ugly.

[-] joeljoelle@piefed.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 hours ago

Humm I struggled to answer this because I don't really know what the answer is despite doing it for the past 49 years, I guess just existing is the right answer. I try to be helpful to other people when I can, I learned to do a lot of things, I've had some wild experience, so hopefully like yourself my story can be of use to someone, or at any rate, just to add a little more sparkle to the world that's full of miserable wretches just by being.

[-] joeljoelle@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago

Things are pretty bleak in the US right now I agree, it's bad enough for normal folks but then we have people hunting us and spreading lies about us while we're just trying to live peacefully. I'm 49 and just have come out recently myself, so I understand the feeling that something has been stolen from you, that your life could have been so much better, you look at how good (relatively) things are for queer peoples today and are a bit jealous, but you can still have that life you know. I'm just diving right in and trying to make the best of everything.

I’m so tired of being treated like I should just toughen up and get over it or something since “I’m a man” or what the fuck ever. I hate it I hate I hate it I hate it

This has been a big theme in my life for a long time, I just shut up and take it. it almost feels like abuse to me, but what can I do about it you know, I don't want to make a huge deal out of it that's not really me. The best thing you can do to combat that is just be yourself I guess, there is no shame in being vulnerable and sensitive, those are admirable qualities because it shows you have humanity and feeling. Don't let them take that away from you please.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

I wish I didn't feel like I had to be super out about my feelings on gender for other trans folks to not assume I'm just a cisgender creep, because I also feel like they'll think I'm lying or something. Like, it's just a personal thing I'm just not ready to share with just anybody, and so outwardly I still present as a cisgender man.

I feel like I have impostor syndrome.

[-] joeljoelle@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago

Hmm I don't know, everyone has a different experience you know, and everyone here knows and respect that. I've found everyone to be super kind and understanding as long as you are as well

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

I know, but I guess I mean moreso offline. I'm so isolated and out in a conservative shithole, don't have a car, and everyone is in cities far away from me. I just want friends I can see in person, ugh. i do really badly with social isolation.

Everyone here is so supportive and loving, but I wish I had people supportive and loving in my AFK life.

[-] joeljoelle@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago

OH, well then I am in the same boat as you because I am in suburban Wisconsin right now and there is not a person like me around that I have seen for a while, I do have a car, so I can go places, but it's by myself I don't have any friends or anything either. I've kind of relied on people here for knowledge and support, but yeah it would be nice IRL too for sure. I'm learning more and more that I'm actually kind of a social butterfly and I've been isolating myself and pretending I was an introvert for the past 30 years, so I know what you mean about the isolation, I think it's driven me a little bonkers to be honest lol. I dunno I'm sorry you're in the situation you are too, especially with the current political craziness, it was bad enough being in a conservative area before but now it's just.. I dunno what to say anymore about it lol.

this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2026
15 points (100.0% liked)

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