Rotate like a pillar of shawarma

I rotate like a döner

I spin right round like a record, baby.

Rotate. Why would you just wash one side?

I’m like a rotisserie chicken in there

I start facing and rotate as I wash different areas.

I cling to the ceiling like a frightened cat.

OP please tell me that you don't just wash one side of your body.

I shower in the shower.

I rotate like a rotisserie chicken.

Underneath? It's a "rain" shower, it doesn't matter how I stand.

I turn around so both sides can get clean...

Upside down so I get a good undercarriage wash.

Depends what I'm scrubbing

Predominantly away, unless whatever cleaning I'm doing requires otherwise.

I start out facing away while I test the water on my not so delicate skin until I acclimate, or make whatever adjustments needed. Then I alternate depending on where I'm washing. I tend to handle my hair last, which always leads to a cascade of shampoo and conditioner foam down in all the crevices which then need to be rinsed again.

Away, unless I'm stomping the turd down the drain, then I guess I'm facing towards it

Yes

I sit. I close my eyes and tilt my head up, letting the drops fill my ears

Kind of both?

I hold the shower head in my hand almost the entire time, but when I need both hands (e.g. shampooing) I put it back in the holder and face away from it.

I can’t stand having the water running directly on my head or face - those waterfall shower heads are my nightmare scenario.

Yeah, usually

Shower time is centrifuge time

I do rapid backflips the whole shower to make sure I'm getting washed all over.

I go up and down while spinning like a yo-yo

Yes

Yes.

... What??
I think your question just broke my brain.

I tend to face away while soaping up, and I face the water when I'm rinsing off. I also shave in the shower, and I do that facing away.