"Hey this guy is too happy, go stab him" (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 month ago by BanMeFromPosting@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

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[-] purpleworm@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

That's also true of people who are too depressed and too angry, you just need to aim for specific organs. It's only not true of people who are too calm (phlegmatic), where I assume the thing to do is, I guess, use a bunch of cotton swabs or something. I can confirm that I wouldn't be calm if most of my phlegm was removed.

I don't really understand the actual "procedures" associated with humoral theory, so definitely talk to your local blood-letter before trying anything at home.

[-] BanMeFromPosting@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago

Wait, what do you have to drain to cure the depression?

[-] purpleworm@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago

Depression is caused by an excess of melancholic (literally "black bile," with the same "melan" in "melanin") humor, which was said to come from the spleen. The joke was that you stab someone in the spleen to make them less depressed, but I think technically the idea was that the secretion gets into the rest of your system.

CW maybe-tastelessly-morbid depression joke

Also, black bile is unique among the humors in not corresponding to any clear, specific substance (the others being blood, yellow bile, and phlegm/saliva), so I invite the reader to decide if that means that depression isn't real and it's all your fault, or on the other hand depression is something so hopelessly endemic to you that it's not some specific part of you that you can be separated from, but instead what every part of you inexorably dissolves into. Maybe it's somehow both!

Disclaimer: I am not a humorist

[-] BanMeFromPosting@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago

It was a good joke! I was just hoping getting stabbed could cure my depression

[-] purpleworm@hexbear.net 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Disclaimer: I am not a humorist

It was a good joke!

No, I meant the leeches-in-jars type of humorism, though I guess I'm not the NPR panelist kind of humorist either. (But I appreciate the positive sentiment heart-sickle )

It used to be a joke that humorists aren't funny because a funny humorist is called a "comedian," but I feel like between the SNL/Daily Show/Last Week Tonight programs and the rightwing "CANCELLED" netflix specials, comedians mostly aren't funny either.