this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.

He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”

I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.

After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 days ago (51 children)

yeah, you can apologize

hob·by /ˈhäbē/ noun noun: hobby; plural noun: hobbies

  1. an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

/ˈhäbē/

they made the IPA american oooaaaaaaauhhh

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago

take the L here mikey

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The under one month accounts are doing some work today

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

MikeyChaz is seriously the best troll account and nobody gets it.

Mikey gets people angry like liberalsocialist but doesn't say anything bannable. Just good clean trolling. Back to the fundamentals.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago

Gaming pales in comparison to my hobby: gooning

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago (5 children)

To me what separates a hobby from leisure or play is that a hobby is productive. When you create things for pleasure is a hobby. Making games can be a hobby, playing them is play, it's right there in the sentence. Watching a movie is leisure. All of these things are good and cool and should be done by everyone to an extent. But to me a hobby is something like arts n crafts stuff

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah that’s my stance on it as well I’m just illiterate and didn’t think to use the word leisure

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

Video games are play. Cause they're active but non productive. Leisure is passive entertainment like a movie or play. I am also saying how I feel these words should apply to what so there's a distinction, absolutely no one else goes by these categories cause I literally made them up 10 minutes ago.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (14 children)

Depends on the game tbh. If being a film nerd can be a hobby then I think liking games from an artistic and programming perspective is on the hobby spectrum

But also who really cares it's not a big deal

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

For some people, hobby just means "leisure activity". I don't think burning personal relationships over semantics is particularly productive, but also this is a person who has an unhealthy relationship with his hobby (or leisure activity). You can have an unhealthy relationship with your local theatre group, or carpentry. Games, obviously being designed as skinner boxes that have gambling^[legally not gambling], lend themselves to unhealthy relationships (also in many other ways).

There is also the need to be validated. Gamers want their activity to be validated, and saying that their activity isn't a "hobby" or isn't "art" is invalidating. Things can be bad versions of those. I would say, however, that its a "hobby" as much as watching TV is a "hobby". If someone claims that watching TV is more legitimate than playing video games, they're being silly.

He is right in that hobbies are supposed to be fun. If he is only having negative experiences with his hobby (or leisure activity), he should probably choose a different one. Possibly one with a proper community that doesn't revolve around being served people to bully.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Anything you do for entertainment, that you don't get paid for...is a hobby. You don't have to be good at it. It doesn't even need to be a skilled task.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

After reading the comments here (gamer-gulag). Being rude to gamers is okay and necessary for socialism.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Being rude to gamers is okay and necessary for socialism.

It is known

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

The root of the conflict seemed to be semantics about the definition of "hobby". To most people a hobby is simply whatever you like to do in your free time for fun, and seems to be his definition. If you're worried there's tension, I would maybe apologize and clarify you weren't trying to put down what he likes to do. But if you feel another argument would result, I would just let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago (3 children)

he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him

wtf

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago

Melting my PC so I can experience the riveting experience of Hearthstone.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

As someone who's known a lot of gamers, I think this is something people mostly have to figure out for themselves, especially games that are engaging to an addictive degree but maddening (league of legends comes to mind). If there's a gambling addiction buried in there as well that's more serious but still not something you probably should broach with him unplanned.

The main thing you should know is that (IMO) he assigns moral value to the term hobby and feels you demeaned his gaming as frivolous by insisting you didn't consider gaming a hobby. I assume you didn't intend to say "you're wasting your life on meaningless games" or anything so judgemental but that's probably not far from how he took it.

If it comes up again you might be able to make some gesture towards understanding the depth of his enjoyment of games, or the meaning he draws from them or skill he has at them, but ultimately if you view it as an addiction he has and he views it as a good hobby, you're going to disagree, and unless you are really close to him (you don't inherit your GFs closeness by proxy), you might not be the person to try and push him on this topic. If your goal is to help with his potential addiction I would talk to the family first, not directly to him, even if you're right, it may not be helpful or polite to say, but if your primary goal is to "make it up to him" you should be apologetic (he may still see this as just more patronizing).

His reactiveness and seeming insecurity about this probably indicate he knows that (at least by society's standards) he has a problem, but pushing the issue and being blatant about what you think about his habits may just upset him further and entrench his mentality, so you should consider the ramifications for you and your sister before pushing further

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

I hate this entire comment section and am worse off for having read it.

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