My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.
He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”
I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.
After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?
As someone who's known a lot of gamers, I think this is something people mostly have to figure out for themselves, especially games that are engaging to an addictive degree but maddening (league of legends comes to mind). If there's a gambling addiction buried in there as well that's more serious but still not something you probably should broach with him unplanned.
The main thing you should know is that (IMO) he assigns moral value to the term hobby and feels you demeaned his gaming as frivolous by insisting you didn't consider gaming a hobby. I assume you didn't intend to say "you're wasting your life on meaningless games" or anything so judgemental but that's probably not far from how he took it.
If it comes up again you might be able to make some gesture towards understanding the depth of his enjoyment of games, or the meaning he draws from them or skill he has at them, but ultimately if you view it as an addiction he has and he views it as a good hobby, you're going to disagree, and unless you are really close to him (you don't inherit your GFs closeness by proxy), you might not be the person to try and push him on this topic. If your goal is to help with his potential addiction I would talk to the family first, not directly to him, even if you're right, it may not be helpful or polite to say, but if your primary goal is to "make it up to him" you should be apologetic (he may still see this as just more patronizing).
His reactiveness and seeming insecurity about this probably indicate he knows that (at least by society's standards) he has a problem, but pushing the issue and being blatant about what you think about his habits may just upset him further and entrench his mentality, so you should consider the ramifications for you and your sister before pushing further
How much is the part he wants that he says melts? If it’s like 100 or so USD I could get it for him to make it up for him but kinda give him an ultimatum like “I’ll get you this part but like I’d rather you focus on building than playing games I’m worried and I love you”
why are you being weird? let the nerd play his games.
I’m not being weird what the heck
You're talking about making ultimatums to a grown man over the toys he likes, it's absolutely weird and frankly the best thing you can do is mind your own business.
I respect that you love and care about this person, but we're talking about video games here, not heroin addiction. Just let him enjoy his "hobby" in peace.
I would recommend against this. Feel that it might add to the condescension he was feeling and worsen the situation.
If it's the power connector on a graphics card, it isn't really the sort of jelly-bean swappable part you're thinking of (more of a repair part), and likely not something he needs until/unless his burns out.
To be clear I would not advocate for giving him an "ultimatum". To me that implies an "or else". What are you going to do when he goes "you're being a condescending ignoramus, f off"? Just caring about him doesn't give you the right to tell him what he should do with his life. If you must bring it up to him I would differentiate between the harmful things you have (personally, not via what your gf tells you) observed about his gaming, vs his gaming in general, because its clearly a large part of his life that he enjoys in a way that goes beyond building computers.
Who are you to tell him to stop gaming? I mean you can say that, but why would he listen, he is his own person.
Frankly you'd be better off leaving well enough alone, at least until the hurt has subsided for him, and should frame any future discussions in terms of things he cares about not just telling him he's living his life wrong.
I think gamers (like anyone) can be oversensitive about this stuff even when they have an obvious problem, but in this case it doesn't sound like you're being sensitive at all to the fact that he has autonomy and might see some or most aspects of his gaming habit as positive or neutral
That nvidia gpu with melty cables is targeted by scalpers and I remember hearing about it costing around 3000 USD a few months ago. I don't know about the cost of the cable.
Cost of the cable is <$50, but you do not need to buy them as a consumable item. I would suggest you do not buy this.