this post was submitted on 15 Apr 2025
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[–] [email protected] 206 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Honestly, based genie. Instead of fucking you over by twisting your wish into something negative, he fucks you over by spending time on small details. At least the latter will likely result in something you actually want, whereas the former will probably suck.

[–] [email protected] 67 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

After all that I still get brittle bone disease!?!

What? You said you wanted your Bones less dense, do you know how much bone I had to remove to let you fly with hummingbird wings?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Can't be worse than boneitis.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Ah boneitis, my only regret

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Probably an autistic genie. It's important to get the details right!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

These aren't small details, they are crucial details.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What's the opposite of a monkey's paw?

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[–] [email protected] 89 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

He's a smart one. Upselling body-shrinking or reduced bone density and increased metabolism.

That's 3 wishes.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The original terms of the wish requested the ability to fly, not just wings. These are part and parcel to being able to fly with wings. Ergo, only one wish.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Well now, mortal. I understand your point but rules are rules.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

He could have claimed so, but he's not a jackass genie.

[–] [email protected] 81 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Not picking telepathic will is the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

given this genie's thoroughness your brain would have to be 100x as heavy

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Look, the 800lb brain man is flying!

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Different folks, different strokes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Welcome to 2025. Now that you've exited the rock and had a mild warm up, let's get you up to speed

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[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

I would have just taken telepathic will so that it just ends there.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Yeah why would you take wings over telekinetics that’s wild

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Aesthetics? 🤷🏻‍♂️

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Have fun putting on any sort of shirt.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

You don't need a genie to get prop wings on your back.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sure, but what if telepathic powers somehow affect your brain chemistry or morphology? Aside, Would flying be like manipulating gravity or lifting yourself up with an "invisible hand"?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

The gravity manipulation is much better if they are handing out options.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

In order to use telepathy, we'll need to add a new section to your brain. Would you like to shrink the other sections of your brain to make room, or would you like a bigger brain? Oh, you want a bigger brain? Well, now we need to expand your head. Would you prefer an egghead or do you want the whole thing to grow? It will also come at the cost of requiring more energy.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

So.. You're saying I can eat more? Say no more!!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Can we put a small brain annex in my abdominal cavity to handle the additional workload? It seems like the autonomic functions could safely be relocated there.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Dude ''magic'' doesn't require anything.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Is that a deliberate conscience telepathic effort, or automatic unconscious reflex? (eg. Perhaps you don't want to accidentally hover or float in public.)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

How much energy does telepathy use though?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

ok well moving an object still requires energy, so you're gonna need the increased metabolism perk. We'll have to increase blood flow to the brain, oh and it'll need to be increased in mass a lot...how do you feel about a tall head?

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago

That's my kind of genie. I wonder if he'd be cool discussing the pros and cons of some of those choices.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Guys I got it.

I want a Green Lantern ring.

ring flys away looking for a worthy holder

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Wings? Nah, if I can't fly like Goku I don't want to fly at all.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

dunno. inflating like a pufferfish and becoming a dirigible is cool too. i could go for that.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thank you for that visual. I never realized the world needed Zeppelin Man.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

As long as you don't become Hindenburg Man

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The genie grants your wish. You inflate via your own flatus. When you land, you have to release a fart big enough to buoyantly lift an entire human body.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

I'm sure you mean grown up DBZ Goku, but I would 100% take a flying nimbus and putter around the skies on my little cloud buddy. Just remember to pack a parachute!

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

As an engineer of sorts, this is every conversation that I have with clients, but comic lady answers waaaaaaaaaay better than most people lol.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago

Genie: What kind of bird?

Clients: I saw a very pretty bird once, I think it was in Europe. It had feathers and part of it was black.

Genie:.... Right.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

The laws of physics are a bitch.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Would it be possible to have telekinesis, and use the telekinesis to fly, like Mewtwo?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The problem is telepathy doesn't exist in this universe. It seems the genie can rearrange matter into whatever form serves your purpose, but he can't make a wish that allows you to violate the laws of physics.

I would keep it simple and ask for the private keys to a bunch of orphaned/lost Bitcoin wallets from the early days of Bitcoin. Then I can simply claim I mined them back in the day, cash them out, and declare them on my taxes. I get an instant and legal large sum of money. It's not poofed into existence or stolen from someone who's going to come after me.

Alternatively, I might just wish to find a very large nugget of gold in the next hole I dig in my backyard. That would serve the same effect. Or wishing to be the sole winner of the next Powerball ticket I buy would also work.

With genies, if you must deal with them, best to keep things simple. Asking for superhero powers is just asking for trouble. Just ask for various forms of legal money.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Do you want to take a genetic modification and let the new DNA alter your body for 40 years for it to take effect, or do you want to become a comic character?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

To steal an idea I had on something similar once, perhaps on an entirely different site, there's also where the wings come from in the first place, literally and figuratively.

The equivalent structure to a bird's wing in humans is the arm and hand. Does this new wing take the place of the forelimb as it does in birds or does the wisher necessarily become a six-limbed creature?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

This is why we can't have nice things

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
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