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The Onion

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Noted philanthropist Donald Trump makes buying stocks affordable to all Americans through kind-hearted economic crash (newsthump.com)

submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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“With the near trillion dollar sell-off on the Nasdaq alone earlier yesterday, the rapid devaluing of assets has allowed the American public unparalleled access to cheap stocks and shares on the market.”

Economic spokesman for the White House, Chuck Williams, claimed, “People use words like slump, looming economic depression, lowest recorded IQ of any president ever, as though they’re bad things.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

I wish I could buy stocks right now…

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago

No one is stopping you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago

You still can afford to buy socks. That's almost the same, just a letter of difference.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

We have no idea how far the market will crash.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 hours ago

Give it two more weeks and everybody will be able to!

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 day ago

i always fall down with laughter when u guys do stuff like this!

Please keep it up!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's true though, there's a fire sale going on.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

There's a falling knife going on, with the floor nowhere near.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

Caught this one right away when they used "philanthropist" and "Trump" in the same sentence, and it wasn't "Trump is not a philanthropist".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Good to see a bona fide Onion article instead of the ‘we have the Onion at home’ slop every other media outlet has been pushing lately. Brings a tear to the eye.